Day care mommas?

[Cybercere]

So, Nola will be 7 weeks tomorrow. I am the primary breadwinner in our family so I've been back at work part-time for a few weeks. I was able to amazingly get a spot in a NAEYC accredited day care at the military base near us. I was told we'd probably have to wait 6 - 9 months but not the case. We've visited a few times and i like it (and because it's military it's subsidized so very affordable) but I'm absolutely devastated when I think about leaving her there. My partner went to midnight shift for this year, so we have been trading off which is ok but it's really getting to him as he basically is sleeping less than me and he needs more sleep. So, she will be at day care probably 12-3 three or four days a week. But I'm still freaking out. I start to cry every time I tihnk about her going there. My son is 8 1/2 and started day care around 3 months or so and I don't remember having this hard of a time. I keep reading articles about SIDS happening in day care and the down sides of day care.

For those who stay home with your kids, I'm happy for you. I (for the first time) wish that were an option for us, but it really isn't. I keep trying to justify it by saying that she'll only be there a few hours a day/week. Any one else going through this?

[Awaken]

It is so hard leaving your baby! And even thinking about it! I went back to work part time 3 full days a week with my first son when he was 3 months (and my second at 15 months), and it was so hard not knowing exactly what was going on, and that he had a life outside of us at home as we'd been used to.

In time, as you get to know her caregivers better and start feeling more confident that they are getting to know her and care about her as well, I hope it becomes a little easier. I would visit the daycare and spend as much time there as possible during drop off and pick up just so you see how things work there, and they get used to you being a fixture around there.

Hopefully in time it'll be more routine for you, and you'll both be happy to see each other again when you go pick her up and that'll be something to look forward to! I really feel like when they get older, working part time is ideal because you get some needed time apart, and you get to pursue your own interests/career while still spending time at home and with the baby.

[ithappened]

Yeap Im right there with you. I am the breadwinner as well and am struggling a lot with so many aspects of it (my identity included)

[Tattooed Hand]

Cybercere, I totally can imagine feeling just like you do. It is so hard to imagine leaving her. But it would be so much worse if it were for a longer stint, cost more and were not as good a place, right? I'm sure it doesn't help with the anxiety you are feeling...

I'm lucky enough to so far be passing her back and forth with DH but it's mostly on me and it's wearing me out fast. I wish I could just blow this job off, but I will eventually, within the next couple of years, become the primary breadwinner (we can't survive on DH's income alone as it is) and it's important that I do well because this job is an important stepping stone in my career track. If I screw it up, I endanger my career and that could disatrous for us. If I had gotten a nanny or put her in daycare part time I would have felt awful for leaving her. Now I get to keep her and am stressed out of my mind and exhausted from the pressure of job and full time babycare. I feel like there is stress either way. It sucks not to have a choice though. I'm babbling, but I just wanted to send you a hug.

[Cybercere]

Good points

Tattoed Hand: You make a good point, though, either way, we are all stressed out about something. I try to focus on the positive *(and realistic)* -- like she's probably better off for a few hours in day care than with my partner who is literally exhausted and falling asleep while she is awake. I also think that it being run by the military means something - you don't usually hear about military facilities getting run down, not having people completing background checks, etc. I'm just probably making excuses, but these are the things that I tell myself to help me get through it. Tomorrow is the first day she will go with me and we will "visit" for an hour or so. Then Wednesday I plan to take her, stay a bit, and then leave her for a hour or two. Thursday she'll go her three hours. So, I'll probably be a wreck the rest of the week, but I'm not sure how much longer we can realistically do the "pass off" thing without one of us just dropping from exhaustion!

[evinmom]

That has got to be hard. I remember panicking at the thought of going back to work when Gavin was born. Right now I have a hard enough time leaving Everett for 6-10 hours on the weekends with DH while I work part-time. The other posters are right though. Eventually it will become routine and the stress will ease. Mana is right. Regardless of which decision you make as far as going back to work, there will be stressors. Hang in there. Things will get easier.

[lalemma]

This is hard. I really loved my work, and yet I am totally ambivalent about leaving him with professional caregivers while he's little. For the time being, I'm staying home with him, but... man, there is just not a great answer for this conundrum. I feel really worried that I'm falling behind in my career, even after 3 months. And yet I also can't figure out how I'd leave the near-constant nurser with someone for more than an hour.

If it helps, I am pretty sure that the base commandant is basically personally responsible for the care of children on-base. So the military is totally, awesomely uptight about everything being well-run. In your place, I completely understand your ambivalence, but I think the situation you're going to be taking her to for those few hours will be safe and caring.

[doclegs]

{{hug}} I'm going to be taking LO to daycare and going back to work in less than 4 weeks now, and I tear up every time I think about it. But like you, I'm the primary breadwinner and I *have* to go back, or eat up the savings. It just breaks my heart.

Luckily, I really liked the caregivers at the day care we chose, and it's close enough to my work on at least two days a week that I can go visit and check on her (I work in a different part of the city every day). I don't think it'll ever be easy to hand her over, but it will become part of the routine. I am trying to think of all the positives she'll get out of it (e.g., socialization with someone other than Mommy & Daddy).

[DCMama01]

Count me in too. I return to work on March 15 and I swear the days are flying by. On one hand, I'm happy to return to my old life somewhat, and I do miss adult conversation during the day. On the other hand, I'm scared of what might happen when I'm not around. She's so used to me responding to her cues. She has yet to even touch her crib (we're going to finally get a crib mattress tomorrow to start practicing). I pray that she adjusts well, but I'm sure I will be of little use at work for awhile with all the worrying I will do.

[Lori1604]

Well, my 10-week old Amanda is going to daycare for the first time next week. I'm going back to my job the following week. I decided to put her in daycare a week early to hopefully iron out any major kinks in our schedules, and so that I can figure out when she/I/my husband need to wake up in the mornings, feed her, feed ourselves, etc. without then having to rush off to work immediately. I have complete confidence in the daycare we selected.

I can't wait to go back to work. I'm not cut out for the SAHM thing. I miss adult conversations and I miss the feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction that I get from doing my job. I love my daughter to pieces, but I don't get any satisfaction from the rote duties of feeding, changing, and burping her. Not to mention I feel like a damn slave to laundry, cooking and cleaning. I'm confident that will change as she grows and starts becoming more and more responsive and interactive with the world. I guess I'm just not a baby person, and I'm okay with that.

Plus, we're looking into hiring a housecleaning service to come by a few times a month. Yay! So then my husband and I can truly spend good quality time together with Amanda on the weekends and not worry about doing tons of household chores.

[Cybercere]

Wish I felt like you....

Lori - I need to feel like you - sounds like a great attitude. I dropped Nola off this morning for a few hours and I cried all the way to work - now, I'm sitting here completely useless really. Shouldn't even have bothered coming in. I keep watching the clock so I can go pick her up!

Originally Posted by Lori1604

Well, my 10-week old Amanda is going to daycare for the first time next week. I'm going back to my job the following week. I decided to put her in daycare a week early to hopefully iron out any major kinks in our schedules, and so that I can figure out when she/I/my husband need to wake up in the mornings, feed her, feed ourselves, etc. without then having to rush off to work immediately. I have complete confidence in the daycare we selected.

I can't wait to go back to work. I'm not cut out for the SAHM thing. I miss adult conversations and I miss the feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction that I get from doing my job. I love my daughter to pieces, but I don't get any satisfaction from the rote duties of feeding, changing, and burping her. Not to mention I feel like a damn slave to laundry, cooking and cleaning. I'm confident that will change as she grows and starts becoming more and more responsive and interactive with the world. I guess I'm just not a baby person, and I'm okay with that.

Plus, we're looking into hiring a housecleaning service to come by a few times a month. Yay! So then my husband and I can truly spend good quality time together with Amanda on the weekends and not worry about doing tons of household chores.

[evinmom]

Originally Posted by Cybercere

Lori - I need to feel like you - sounds like a great attitude. I dropped Nola off this morning for a few hours and I cried all the way to work - now, I'm sitting here completely useless really. Shouldn't even have bothered coming in. I keep watching the clock so I can go pick her up!

Big mama. It will get easier with time.

[HoneybeeWaterfall]

Cybercere- Truth is that most of us daycare mommas feel just the same as you. It doesn't help the anguish but you are definitely not alone. With DS1 I put him with my parents temporarily when I first went back to work (and I still cried in the car everyday) and then tried to transition him to the daycare at around nine months when my parents headed back to their home. My DS had such terrible time getting used to it that they would call us and tell us come help calm him down. We ended up giving up on the whole thing and for about seven months reduced our hours even more and got a babysitter. When he was about 13 months old we tried again this time with him in the toddler room. It has been the most wonderful thing for him. I know that much of AP seems to indicate that it would always be best for a child to be with a stay at home parent til three but I can tell you that DS's life is infinitely more rich and happy because he goes to a great daycare.
I am expecting DD in May and she will be going straight to the daycare when I go back to work. I will cry every day and I will wish things could be different. But I have seen the little babies that start out in the baby room and see how they grow up happy and smart and well attended and finally move into the toddler room. The consistency and the high quality environment really are great for them (note they all go through that phase my son did - but it is not exacerbated by being in a strange new place).
Keep your work hours manageable and snuggle up all the rest of the time. Don't minimize the hours in daycare overly much though - I think the consistency helps them be happy. Give yourself permission to scale up a bit to maintain a routine. It is paradoxical that more time in the daycare can make them happier there but at a certain age it does help them settle in.