Reacting when someone suggests abortion. Please help with wording what to say to roommate.

[missmich]

Ok so I'm pro choice. I don't really like the idea of abortion,but then again I don't think anyone would "like" the idea or would "like" to actually have one or perform one. I'm just glad that option does exist and is safe,legal and easily to obtain in most parts of the world. I think abortion is a choice that should be made the woman,either on her own or with help from her doctor or someone she feels comfortable with,but in the end it should be her who decides. I also do NOT think anyone should actually suggest an abortion to a woman.

I might be pregnant now. I should know for tomorrow. I'm thinking about the options and will hopefully choose the right one for me. Most people I've talked to are old friends from back home and they all seem supportive of whatever I may choose. No one has suggested anything either way.

However,an on-line friend of mine who I met playing YoVille is VERY against single mothers and told me I should seriously consider abortion or adoption. I do feel that adoption is a wonderful choice but for me since I grew up in foster care and was moved around a lot etc... it is not for me at all. I just couldn't do it. She suggested that or abortion. I'm not angry with her for that,but I'm not to happy with it either. I hope that if I decide to have and raise my baby (if there is one) that it won't end our friendship.

Then my roommate suggested that I get an abortion today when I told her that I might be pregnant. Now this got me so angry!!! I don't know her very well and she's only lived with me for 3 months now. She knows that I've been sick and I finally got annoyed enough with all her advice on how to get better I caved and told her I thought I might be pregnant. I was avoiding telling her until I really had to b/c I had a feeling that's what she'd suggest and I didn't want to hear it. She's from China and abortion is not the same there as it is here and single mothers are more of a new thing she tells me.

I told her that in Canada most people believe in "MY body MY choice" kinda thing.

What's the right reaction to give when someone suggests you get an abortion? I'm interested in hearing everyone's opinion on this issue since it's such a personal choice to make and not an easy one.

[mysticmomma]

I would simply say, "it's not for me, personally and I don't wish to discuss that option any further."

[lotusdebi]

The nicest response I can come up with is, "I know my options. I'm an adult. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I can make my own decisions, thankyouverymuch." and then "This topic is no longer up for discussion." for any further comments from those people.

Sorry you have to deal with such insensitive people.

[georgia]

Hi, this is just a reminder that we do not host abortion debate per our User Agreement, so please post cautiously in an effort to keep this thread on the board. Please PM me with any questions, thanks!

[number572]

People say uncool things all of the time. Since your reaction is the only thing you can control, I'd probably choose one that makes me feel best. Shooting negative comments back at her probably won't help, ime. Most insulting or hurtful or uncalled for comments, I try to choose to completely ignore.

Good luck, I remember you writing about this roommate many months ago when she had just moved in... sounds like its still a little stressful.

[missmich]

Thanks Georgia for that reminder. I'm not posting to say that abortion is right or wrong or anything like that. I think that most of us would agree that it's a choice that a woman should make and not something that should ever be suggested to her.

Yes,I think if the roommate brings it up again I will stop her right then and there and tell her she needs to keep that opinion to herself and let me figure it out and I need her help I will let her know.

[Sweetiemommy]

I might say something along the lines of this, "wow, I don't think I asked your opinion about that." Or "that's a very personal decision, I'm surprised that you think it is appropriate to suggest that to me." Or even, "that doesn't sound very supportive, why would you say that to me?" I think you should be very firm in letting people know that it isn't your decision. I remember when my 19 year old sister told me she was pregnant, and I was shocked and I said, "so what are you going to do?" And she looked positively horrified at the implication and said, "I'm going to keep it, of course." And gave me a look I will never forget. And I wasn't even suggesting it, I was just said what are you going to do out of surprise. So just be very cool and collected about it, but don't entertain the discussion. If someone questions your ability to be a single parent, I would be even more appalled, how insulting! I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

[mumkimum]

I agree with sweetiemommy - something to the effect of "Wow, that's a personal decision, I'm surprised you'd say that to me" is enough.

[jeliphish]

Originally Posted by missmich

I do feel that adoption is a wonderful choice but for me since I grew up in foster care and was moved around a lot etc... it is not for me at all. I just couldn't do it. She suggested that or abortion.

Being adopted as a newborn into a loving family is a totally different ballgame than foster care, especially if it's a private adoption where you hand pick the couple.

[missmich]

Originally Posted by jeliphish

Being adopted as a newborn into a loving family is a totally different ballgame than foster care, especially if it's a private adoption where you hand pick the couple.

Yes it is a very different experience from what I had. To be adopted into a loving family as a baby I mean. I meant more that for me I don't feel at all close to any of the family that I do speak with. I feel very much alone in that way and I think that I'd feel more alone if I chose to place my child for adoption so that's why I don't feel adoption would be my choice right now.

I do like the idea to just quickly let people know that hey,I never asked for suggestions and then not even let a conversation about it get started if I know they are going to suggest or try and convince to choose what they think is best.

[Ashes]

I just wanted to offer my support that I am sorry to hear that people are making suggestions as brash as this, to you. I agree with some of the others that you just need to tell them that it's not for you, and thank them for their opinions I guess. All the best.

[Kailey's mom]

My responce wouldn't be nice at all, because I wouldn't feel like being nice if somebody said something like that to me. I'm not going to type my immature, vulger honest response here, so I'll type one that is a little nicer.

Listen, don't you ever, ever suggest that again. This is MY decision, and if I do infact have my baby, how dare you even insinuate that she is better off not here?!? If you say, or even think, anything about my freeking situation, all contact will stop!

[missmich]

Kailey's mom yep! That is pretty much what I was thinking in my head,well the stuff I can only assume you would have written here if were allowed to write that kind of thing.

[Pinoikoi]

Originally Posted by missmich

I do feel that adoption is a wonderful choice but for me since I grew up in foster care and was moved around a lot etc... it is not for me at all.

I am not sure how these two things correlate at all. Adoption does not equal foster care.

[missmich]

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

I am not sure how these two things correlate at all. Adoption does not equal foster care.

I know that adoption is very different from foster care. If you read a little more about my own reason for not wanting to place my child for adoption. I have no sense of family and I feel very alone at times. So for me to place my child for adoption would make things for me so much worse. I don't think it's something that I could ever get over doing. I do think that for many it's agreat option!

BTW YES I am pregnant! I'm on the phone with the nurse now!

[Phantaja]

Congratulations and good luck! I wish you and your baby all the very best.

[Kailey's mom]

Hey, congrats!!!!!

[blizzard_babe]

Congratulations!

[RedOakMomma]

Congratulations!

I'm surprised people would give you heat for thinking about being a single mom. I know several single moms who aren't just making it--they're thriving!

Surround yourself with supportive family and friends--with a little help in the rough spots, you can do whatever you want!

[Comtessa]

Hooray!!!! Congratulations!!!

My DD was an unplanned pregnancy, too, and every minute of it has been unplanned joy! If anyone ever dares to suggest that your pregnancy is less than desirable, or even looks like they might be heading in that conversational direction, just beam at them and say, "I am so delighted to be having this baby and cannot wait to welcome him or her into my life." That should head all but the most unsensitive of them off.