I love my mother very dearly. We get along really, really well despite our incredible differences in personality. I tend to be fairly focused, she has pretty bad ADD.I've always gotten pretty annoyed with her when she comes to visit. She insists on cooking and cleaning the entire time....despite the fact that I am a good cook and keep a tidy house. She is an excellent cook, but she prepares mostly French quisine, where we are crunchy vegetarians. I often get a bit of a belly ache from her food. She also insists on making me dinner or breakfast when I'm in a hurry to get to work. She'll literally put dinner on the table 5 minutes before I have to leave. She also often invites friends and family who live in my city over for dinner. She'll do all the cooking and hostessing. I feel awkward being a guest in my own home.
The cleaning really gets to me. Mostly because I feel like my privacy is being invaded. She'll go into my hamper and do my laundry. I really, really don't mind doing my own laundry, I do it almost every day. She also has this annoying habit of asking me where everything goes, especialy little unimportant items. If she unloads the dishwasher she'll ask me where every last cup goes. She'll do the laundry and then ask me where each item goes. Despite her dilligence about grilling me on the proper place for each item, she invariably moves things around. For instance, the garbage next to the changing table has disappeared. After she leaves I'm left with a house full of food I don't eat and have to hunt for misplaced items. She's very scattered and I feel incredibly anxious when she's here and after she's gone. I also feel guilty because she's trying to help and I am being ungrateful. I don't know what to say to her.
The cleaning really gets to me. Mostly because I feel like my privacy is being invaded. She'll go into my hamper and do my laundry. I really, really don't mind doing my own laundry, I do it almost every day. She also has this annoying habit of asking me where everything goes, especialy little unimportant items. If she unloads the dishwasher she'll ask me where every last cup goes. She'll do the laundry and then ask me where each item goes. Despite her dilligence about grilling me on the proper place for each item, she invariably moves things around. For instance, the garbage next to the changing table has disappeared. After she leaves I'm left with a house full of food I don't eat and have to hunt for misplaced items. She's very scattered and I feel incredibly anxious when she's here and after she's gone. I also feel guilty because she's trying to help and I am being ungrateful. I don't know what to say to her.
Under those circumstances, I think you're justified in telling her kindly but directly that you'll be doing things your way in your house -- now is the time to establish boundaries, you know? The first couple of visits this way might be a tad awkward, but hopefully she'll adjust and accept that she doesn't have control over you anymore. (And definitely never, ever accept any sort of financial help from her, since it sounds like it'd come with strings galore!!)
