Aggression/Frustration in an 11 month old. How to deal?

[Toposlonoshlep]

Is this normal or am I facing behavioral issues?

My 11 month old DS tries to physically hurt me or even himself when he is denied something, such as when he wants an object he cannot have. He cries out and tries to rip my clothes, or grabs and pulls at my face, hair, or pinches. Sometimes hen I am not within reach he pinches his own cheek. Is this a normal stage of testing boundaries when frustrated?

How to best deal with it in the moment?

I redirect, distract, and firmly tell him no, but so far it hasn't stopped.

[Xerxella]

Someone else will probably know more about this, but I couldn't let your question go unanswered.

Honestly, I think his reaction sounds a bit over the top. Has he ever been the victim of aggression? Could there be something you don't know about that he's trying to tell you? It's very possible that that's not it, but you have to ask yourself these questions.

It's hard to know how to proceed without knowing more information. This is how I handle normal no responses if I think it's going to cause a meltdown. "No, honey, you can't have the candy stuck to the ground in the parking lot, but look at what mommy does have for you..." (It's a coloring book, or a whistle or box of raisins or one of the million things mom have that are interesting.)

"But, I don't want ... I want that candy." "I'm sorry, I know you really want that candy. You really, really, REALLY want it, but it's dirty and not good to eat anymore." I say this a few more times. Then I move on. Every once in a while, it takes forever to move on, but eventually we do.

My only recommendation for you is a holding technique where you actually hold them to stop them from physically hurting themselves or others. You must be calm when doing this and keep talking to them through it. I saw it talked about in "The Science of Parenting."

But, honestly, depending on how frequent and extreme this behavior is, you may want to talk to a professional. Sorry.

[tzs]

i teach 2 year olds and that behavior is still totally "normal" at that age so definatly it is so so SO normal for a babe. it stems from them not being able to communicate their needs, fears, etc...

you can say "no, we don;t hit," but that only teaches them what NOT to do. you also need to model positive behavior. they need to learn what TO do.

so for example, if a small child is hitting, i would show them "gentle hands." and then ask them if they can show you "gentle hands."
if they are taking a toy from a baby you can show them how nice it is to give a toy to a younger baby, etc...

you also need to let them know that you understand them. kind of always repeat what they are trying to tell you.
for example, say "you are angry because you are hungry." or "i know that you are want that toy." "i hear that you are sad." etc, etc, etc...

this is not really a "fix" just the way that things kind of have to go. don;t expect that any "agression" (and it's not really aggression, it's not meanness, it's just an inability to communicate) is going to stop when you start teaching them these things. it's an ongoing process of learning.

hope that helps.

[youngnhappymamma]

Sounds like normal frustration to me. I've had a few kids who got this frustrated at this early of an age. I would just scoop them up, say "I know you're soooo frustrated!" and try and move on....I had one dd who really just needed to bite she was so frustrated, so I would give her a pillow to bite and kind of show her, in a comical way, how to bite the pillow (always with sound affects) and after a few times of her wanting to bite me, she would giggle and run to a pillow. She was about a year old when she would do this. I think humor goes a looong way to diffuse frustration. with one of my sons, he would get super frustrated and I would scoop him up, give him a bit of love real quick and then say in a funny, animated way "oh man!" ....and then "oh man" turned out to be one of the first things he said....with lots of smiles.

[tzs]

Originally Posted by youngnhappymamma

Sounds like normal frustration to me. I've had a few kids who got this frustrated at this early of an age. I would just scoop them up, say "I know you're soooo frustrated!" and try and move on....I had one dd who really just needed to bite she was so frustrated, so I would give her a pillow to bite and kind of show her, in a comical way, how to bite the pillow (always with sound affects) and after a few times of her wanting to bite me, she would giggle and run to a pillow. She was about a year old when she would do this. I think humor goes a looong way to diffuse frustration. with one of my sons, he would get super frustrated and I would scoop him up, give him a bit of love real quick and then say in a funny, animated way "oh man!" ....and then "oh man" turned out to be one of the first things he said....with lots of smiles.

i love love love this!!!!