When is rocking/bouncing the baby is too excessive?

[WindyCityMom]

I'm asking this a bit out of frustration.

DD2 is ~8wks old. She loves to be carried and feel general movement, as most babies do. I find that when she's crying, upset, hungry, and MIL has her, she likes to bounce her. We always tell them "no, no, please stop, it's not good, etc.etc." and she stops but it kind of goes in one ear and out the other. Are we overreacting? Yesterday, in the car, FIL & MIL were in the front, DD1 & DD2 were in the middle row, and I was in the 3rd row. We were 5 mins from home and DD began crying out of hunger. MIL reached back from the front seat and started bouncing DD2's car seat (you know how it has that cocooning effect.. where it is able to bounce upwards..) and DD2 began screaming even louder. I harshly told MIL "STOP SHAKING HER!". She asked "oh, why? she doesn't like it?" (well, NO!), and I replied (It's NOT good for her.) and left it at that. DDs car seat wasn't gently rocking, like a swing, it wasn't thrashing about, but it was certainly somewhere in between.

I'm curious... what is your take on this? Anyone have any links or studies about this that I could show to my MIL or reference to? TIA

[JayJay]

Are we talking about bouncing or shaking here? We kinda move Bella about all sorts of ways, up and down, jiggling, side to side, you know - a lot of different ways I suppose one might be referred to as bouncing - the up and down movement. But we never shake her...

I think the shaking is what is referred to as being "bad" isn't it? When baby's head is bouncing back and forth violently the brain knocks (basically) against the inside of the skull and that can cause intense and irreparable brain damage. If that is what your MIL is doing, rather than kinda jiggling the baby, I'd be worried too!

[Mamabeakley]

Some babies enjoy more vigorous motion than others. But you are the mama & if what MIL is doing bothers you she needs to stop.

[texaspeach]

I agree that if it's bugging you tell her to knock it off. you don't need a reason. you could always make one up if you think you need a reason

fwiw, the happiest baby on the block suggests shaking babies to settle them, but it is more of a jiggle than a shake. shaking that jolts the head around can cause brain damage/shaken baby syndrome.

[mosesface]

Originally Posted by JayJay

Are we talking about bouncing or shaking here? We kinda move Bella about all sorts of ways, up and down, jiggling, side to side, you know - a lot of different ways I suppose one might be referred to as bouncing - the up and down movement. But we never shake her...

I think the shaking is what is referred to as being "bad" isn't it? When baby's head is bouncing back and forth violently the brain knocks (basically) against the inside of the skull and that can cause intense and irreparable brain damage. If that is what your MIL is doing, rather than kinda jiggling the baby, I'd be worried too!

i agree with this pp.

if your MIL is SHAKING the baby, that's obviously dangerous and no good. but if she's bouncing the baby, i.e. holding her and moving her own body up and down, i don't see the problem. it's a fairly normal and instinctive response to "bounce" a baby when they're fussy. most babies respond favorably to any motion that is womb-like, like bouncing.

however, if your lo doesn't like it and YOU don't like it, then it should stop.

[ktmama]

My sense is that most people do this to babies when they don't know WHAT to do, but feel that they must do SOMETHING to stop the crying/fussing/whatever. How about just giving her/them permission to do nothing? They might just be doing it out of reflex.

[savithny]

Actually, gentle bouncing and jiggling is very calming for babies and is often recommended. Some babies like it more than others. In my experience, babies often seem to like the kind of motion they felt in the womb -- I know a woman who jogged and did aerobics until just before her baby was born, and that baby came out needing to be bounced to sleep.

Dr. Sears actually recommends bouncing on a trampoline WITH the baby to calm fussing!

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp

And check out this recommendation from the same page:

3. The baby hop. This hop is the kind you do by bending your knees as you lift first one foot off the floor slightly, then the other foot. You do a hopping motion on the foot that's bearing your weight. (Your feet don't actually leave the ground.) Count "one-two" (left foot) then "three-four" (right foot) as you alternate. Sway from side to side as you alternate feet. To put more bounce in your hop, come up on your toes, if baby likes that.

4. The baby bounce. Hold baby face-to-face with one hand under her bottom and the other supporting her neck. Bounce gently up and down at a rate of 60 to70 beats per minute using your arms and/or legs. Look at the baby and make eye contact. Another variation is to place baby in this dance hold and bounce gently on a trampoline or while sitting on a physio ball. Some babies like to bounce more vigorously than others do, so experiment. Often the higher the need, the harder the bounce. The baby needs you to match her energy level. But be wary of using too much force. This dance should never be an excuse to punish the baby. If baby's cries continue as you bounce harder, you could find yourself growing angry and bouncing hard enough to hurt baby. This would be like shaking baby . Stop bouncing, cool down, and try something else.

I should add: Both of mine loved motion so much that I still find myself rocking and bouncing anything that is the right weight. I caught myself holding the milk jug while twisting at the waist and bending my knees in the grocery line the other day, and I stopped and laughed, and the older woman behind me laughed too and said "It just comes natural, doesn't it?" and said she still does that when she picks up her *dog* and her youngest baby is 30!

[tzs]

ha ha! i love the trampoline thing and the mental picture i'm getting.

[lindsayjean]

Originally Posted by Mamabeakley

Some babies enjoy more vigorous motion than others. But you are the mama & if what MIL is doing bothers you she needs to stop.

yeah that. It doesn't matter if it's good or not... if you don't like it you are the mom and she doesn't get to question it. Set some boundaries, girl! This is something I struggle with a lot sometimes with my family living close.

[lil_stinkyfeet]

Originally Posted by lindsayjean

yeah that. It doesn't matter if it's good or not... if you don't like it you are the mom and she doesn't get to question it. Set some boundaries, girl! This is something I struggle with a lot sometimes with my family living close.

I agree, if it is making you uncomfortable I would ask her to stop

[hakeber]

Yes, you are the mom and you call the shots. If it makes you uncomfortable she has to stop.

That being said. Yes, I personally do think you are over reacting. Bouncing a baby is not bad for them. There is HUGE difference between jiggling a baby and the sort of violent anger frustration/desparation induced shaking that causes shaken baby syndrome.

My ds was bounced, or jiggled to sleep his whole infancy. DD enjoys fairly vigorous bouncing too though less so than her brother. The reason most people do this when they hold a baby is that generally speaking it WORKS.

If you think it upsets your dd, than that is another thing. I bet if MIL was shaking her in the car seat and real issue was she was wet or hungry the bouncing just aggravated her and made her feel more frustrated, but it seems like other times, she likes it just fine, no?

Any studies or books I would have to show you would probably just support your MIL on this one, sorry.

(ETA: http://www.dontshake.org/sbs.php?top...21&navID=21#13

http://www.howtodothings.com/family-...-syndrome.html -- You'll see the SBS is related with child abuse, anger, VIOLENCE. Yes, it happens accidentally, but not benevolently.)

I could however dig up studies for you that show that when ILs undermine parents and usurp their authority as caregivers it is detrimental to the parental bond and hurtful to the psychology of the children.

Maybe you could just say: MIL, It frightens me when you bounce my child like that. I may be wrong, but in my gut I feel you are shaking her too hard. I fear for her safety, which makes me anxious, and scared. I feel like you are dismissing my feelings when you ignore me, and that makes me angry. I need you to respect my feelings and stop bouncing her, or you will not be allowed to hold her anymore.


That way it is really clear what you feel and why and what she can DO to stop making you feel that way.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by savithny

I should add: Both of mine loved motion so much that I still find myself rocking and bouncing anything that is the right weight. I caught myself holding the milk jug while twisting at the waist and bending my knees in the grocery line the other day, and I stopped and laughed, and the older woman behind me laughed too and said "It just comes natural, doesn't it?" and said she still does that when she picks up her *dog* and her youngest baby is 30!

I bounce at the knees and sway at the hip when OTHER people are holding babies anywhere near me!

[WindyCityMom]

Thanks everyone

I've got alot of anxiety issues.. perhaps I should focus on those. I did ask her to knock this off though- I don't mind bouncing.. but maybe the baby crying, my breasts letting down, and her shaking the car seat baby-talking the most annoying baby-talk you ever heard contributed to my overreaction