Not preventing - with a VERY young baby... thoughts? UPDATE!!! - Page 3

[~Demeter~]

Congrats!!! Now come join us in the Nov. DDC!!!

[Tear78]

congrats!!! Your story gives me hope, since we've been at this almost 2 years. We have talked about doing the same thing, if/when we can ever conceive a healthy #1. Here's to a happy, healthy 9 months!

[stellamia]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

[MNHall]

WONDERFUL NEWS!!! Congrats, congrats!

I love to hear stories like this....while I hate to hear the fact that it took you 3 years to conceive #1, it's so exciting that #2 came along so quickly!

YAY!!!!!

[KaliShanti]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

secondly, *i personally* don't think it's very fair to either baby to have them so close in age. neither will know what it's like to be focused on and the center of attention. also *you* will lose out on some of the joys of truly getting to know your child and spending real quality time with your child. life will be a blur of "needs done" activities.

It TOTALLY depends. I grew up 13 month apart from my older sis and I loved it- we are still best friends. We were able to do all the same activities, etc. I never felt attention-deprived.

Congrats!!

[kel32brown]

You know, there's no fool-proof, here's the ideal spacing and how to spend REAL quality time iwth your children and thus how to avoid life being a blur of "needs done" activities.

You live in la-la land if you think having young children has a 'best way' of preventing any challenges.

You take your children as they come, you love them, you work hard, you get frustrated sometimes and take steps backwards and have quiet time for mom, and you do the very best you can.

So congratulations on your November baby coming, and don't let all this "good" advice get you down. Because, really, there's no fool proof way to do anything.

As you saw there are people who grew up 13 months apart who are happy, and there are kids who were 2 years apart who need therapy, and there are those who feel cheated because they never were the princess they really 'deserved' to be in the eyes of those around them.

And there are those who think that children are such a gift of God you should just have a blast with them, in whatever spacing you can manage to get them here, and just be delighted to the best of your ability.

On one level, I ponder - do we have the right to forbid children to join our family until we deem it's convenient? And do we have the the right to arbitrarily limit the size of our family without a really good reason? I suspect that we will be answerable to our own Creator for the answers to these questions.

I judge no one, it's not my job. But I ponder it occasionally. Are we doing right by our family and our sacred power of co-creation?

[moxygirl]

Originally Posted by kel32brown

You know, there's no fool-proof, here's the ideal spacing and how to spend REAL quality time iwth your children and thus how to avoid life being a blur of "needs done" activities.

You live in la-la land if you think having young children has a 'best way' of preventing any challenges.

You take your children as they come, you love them, you work hard, you get frustrated sometimes and take steps backwards and have quiet time for mom, and you do the very best you can.

So congratulations on your November baby coming, and don't let all this "good" advice get you down. Because, really, there's no fool proof way to do anything.

As you saw there are people who grew up 13 months apart who are happy, and there are kids who were 2 years apart who need therapy, and there are those who feel cheated because they never were the princess they really 'deserved' to be in the eyes of those around them.

And there are those who think that children are such a gift of God you should just have a blast with them, in whatever spacing you can manage to get them here, and just be delighted to the best of your ability.

On one level, I ponder - do we have the right to forbid children to join our family until we deem it's convenient? And do we have the the right to arbitrarily limit the size of our family without a really good reason? I suspect that we will be answerable to our own Creator for the answers to these questions.

I judge no one, it's not my job. But I ponder it occasionally. Are we doing right by our family and our sacred power of co-creation?

I loved your post! The bolded part is where I'm coming from. I just don't feel I'm wise enough to KNOW when would be the best time.

For example, DH's brother and his wife are waiting a year or so to ttc till they can "afford it". I don't judge them and certainly respect their right to decide when to start a family. But I looked at DH and said "how do they know when they can afford it? What exactly do they mean by "afford it"?" They both have excellent jobs with great benefits, just bought a house, drive nice vehicles. Their lives are certainly better materially than ours. But they still feel that they can't afford it right now. I think this concept of "affording it" or "it being the right time" or "the right spacing" is, like PPs have said, so variable from person to person that one can't really give advice to someone about it. I just know where I stand and I try to live by that the best I can.

That being said, thanks again everyone for all the responses, and for the congrats! I enjoyed pondering your responses and my convictions.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by moxygirl

For example, DH's brother and his wife are waiting a year or so to ttc till they can "afford it".

For some people, this is the excuse they give WHILE TTC to get people off their back about it because it is taking them longer than they would hope.

[Hesperia]

Originally Posted by moxygirl

Hello everyone! I'm finally back. Sorry to resurrect my own post after so long. I've been enjoying time with my unusually active 3 month old.

Well, I took a pregnancy test on Friday (my 35th birthday!) and got a positive!!!
DS and this new LO will be just 11 months apart. We didn't expect it to happen so soon, especially after trying three years for DS, but we knew it could happen and are very very happy.

Thanks for all the thoughtful posts. I read them all and appreciate everyone's viewpoints. Good luck to you all on ttc!

Congratulations!! I love hearing stories of women being open to a baby in their hearts and then getting pregnant so soon after the first, when they had fertility issues with #1. How awesome.

[NeverBeenHappier]

Congrats!!!

Tracy

[sleepingbeauty]

CONGRATS!!!!!!! Yaaaay!!!! o(^-^o) (o^-^)o

I am WTT because we cannot afford it. Literally. We just can't. It's only us two and we're eating Chef Boyardee or cereal 6 out of 7 nights a week. He works part-time, I can't get a job for the life of me (and believe me, I am TRYING!!)

We're also trying to get our own things settled. I don't think we're doing wrong by any higher being (God, Gods, Goddesses, whoever) by waiting until my OH feels ready. We're doing right by our future kids and ourselves, surely any loving god/goddess can appreciate that. Not everyone can just let kids come whenever.... (Besides, OH is an Atheist. I really don't think that he's worried about pleasing my God. lol)

I can see your point though. I often wonder about crazy things like that. Usually when I'm falling asleep. I mean, I did a project on the Simulation Argument for a class 2 years ago and that STILL keeps me up some nights. hahaha

[Steph152]

Congratulations!

Your little ones will never remember life without each other, and they will probably be really close. That's a special gift.

[Sharlla]

Congrats! I'm still hoping to join you in the due in Nov. board, esp now that symptoms are starting