Is miscarriage a huge risk?

[missmich]

Well I told my friend today that I'm going to be celebrating 2 birthdays soon! Mine in a couple weeks and someone else's but I'm not sure who's yet sometime later on this year. She was confused then happy for me once she realized what I meant!

We had a really chat and got caught up one anothers life. She's a great frined,though now a long distance one. She's also older and wiser then I am and I love her dearly and have alot of respect for her.

She told me to not to get to excited yet or spend money on baby gear since it's still early and sometimes the baby doesn't make it.

How much of a risk is it this early on? Nurse tells me I'm 11 weeks,but I'm quite sure it was 9 weeks ago that baby was made.

[lovebug]

i think the 'risk' depends on so much. i would just keep your chin up and go with the flow. if you buy something for the baby its not going to change the outcome!

CONGRATS!

[BlackSheepPDX]

They say the overall risk of miscarriage is about 25-30% of conceptions, but that includes EVERYTHING, including many don't make it far enough to even KNOW you're pregnant if you're not paying very close attention. It decreases markedly after a heartbeat is found, and even moreso once you make it to the second trimester.

As for your dates, the 11 weeks would start at your LMP, and therefore include an extra two weeks prior to conception. It's weird, but that's how they count it. So it sounds like you and your nurse are saying the same thing. In any case, you're well on your way, and should be thinking positive and looking forward. While your friend is being honest, she's also being a bit pessimistic. Congratulations, and enjoy!

[missmich]

When can I hear the heartbeat?

Thanks for all the congrats!!!

[lovebug]

from what i understand 6-7 weeks with a vag u/s and 8+ weeks for a normal u/s most docs and mw wait till 9-10 +weeks

[Pinoikoi]

After my miscarriage in 2001, my OB told me that 1/3 of CONFIRMED pregnancies end in miscarriage, but because some women miscarry before they know they are pregnant, the number may be closer to 1/2.

I am at 1/2 live births, 1/2 losses.. I am considered within the "normal" zone. (ie no need to test for anomalies, genetic issues, etc).

[JorgieGirl]

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

After my miscarriage in 2001, my OB told me that 1/3 of CONFIRMED pregnancies end in miscarriage, but because some women miscarry before they know they are pregnant, the number may be closer to 1/2.

I am at 1/2 live births, 1/2 losses.. I am considered within the "normal" zone. (ie no need to test for anomalies, genetic issues, etc).

This is also what TCOYF says.

At 11 weeks with no complications so far, I would take that as a great sign and enjoy your pregnancy for everything it's worth. Even if, universe forbid, something were to happen, wouldn't it be better to celebrate life while it's within you than worry and put things on hold?

As for your friend, it was honestly a little rude of her to say that. Although she probably doesn't know that.

[etsdtm99]

i wouldn't tell someone at 11 weeks that 'its still early' .. thats something i would think to myself at 4-5 weeks.. if you can get in to see your OB/nurse they should be able to find a heartbeat on doppler at 11 weeks (i was able to find my baby's HB at 9.5 weeks with my last 2 pregnancies) it just takes a few mins to check and once you've heard a HB on doppler your miscarriage rate goes down to 2-3% from what i've read ..

congrats!

[kitkatkaddoodle]

The vast majority of miscarriages occur in the first few weeks, and by 11 weeks along (9 weeks gestation) with an audible heartbeat, it's estimated that the risk drops to 2-5% for loss after that. Your friend might have had one of those losses or been close to someone who has, but I think her caution is a bit unwarranted.

[WaitingForKiddos]

There's no way to know what your risks are. Up to 75% of fertilized eggs never implant or implant incorrectly. Then of known pregnancies, ie: you've missed your period 20-30% will end. Chances of loss go down to 5-12% after a good heartbeat has been seen on a scan and then lower again after 8-10 weeks. However there is risk of loss in the second and third trimesters. Yes these chances are low but they do happen and it isn't as uncommon as it should be.

So, I think the friend was right in her facts but wrong to tell a newly pregnant mama of them. There's little one can do to prevent a loss so being hyperaware of the risks is pointless.

[Pinoikoi]

Originally Posted by JorgieGirl

As for your friend, it was honestly a little rude of her to say that. Although she probably doesn't know that.

Speaking of things people say, I was at a birthday party recently and one of the ladies remarked to me that she was already telling people about her pregnancy (8 weeks) because SHE doesn't get miscarriages.. yes, she knows I have had a couple... I thought that was pretty mean and also kind of ignorant.. I mean, everyone is at risk for it even if they haven't had a miscarriage before, right?

[Oztok5]

Now that you're 11 weeks, you and your little one have definitely made it past the most critical time. Clearly, there are still risks with any pregnancy, but that is no reason not to celebrate the little life inside of you. Congrats, mama!

[MeepyCat]

I wouldn't be buying baby gear quite yet. But "don't get excited"? Come on! This is exciting!

I have also heard the stats that 50% of all conceptions and about a third of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Those are big numbers, huge risks. Once you've heard the heartbeat on a doppler (you may be able to see it on an ultrasound earlier, but the indicator of decreased risk is hearing, not seeing), the risk of pregnancy loss goes down, but it's never quite zero.

But "don't get excited, you could miscarry" is an awful thing to say to someone newly pregnant. If you must express that concern (and it's understandable that some people must - I've had a miscarriage, and it makes me want to sort of hold my breath for friends during the first trimester), something like "I hope everything goes just perfectly!" is a better way to do it.

[SilverFish]

i doubt she meant it badly... maybe she's just in the old-school "don't tell until the 2nd trimester" crowd? definitely, before 12 weeks is usually considered the "risky" period, so i can definitely see not wanting to spread the news far and wide before that point. i wasn't going to myself, actually, but then we ended up telling our parents sooner because my husband got laid off a week after we found out and we wanted to run to mommy and daddy for support. and then somehow everyone found out. woops!

anyway, i don't think she meant to be mean about it, she probably just didn't think about how it would sound. maybe she experienced an early loss or knew someone who did, and thought that she was just passing on a bit of advice that she wished she had followed?

[MaerynPearl]

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks... HOWEVER that is quite rare. Most happen by 10 weeks.

Yes, you still have a risk of loss... but its way lower than it would have been if you had just gotten pregnant 2 weeks ago

(and yes, i agree with everyone else... if you conceived 9 weeks ago... you are 11 weeks pregnant. Its confusing, but its right)

[missmich]

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

Speaking of things people say, I was at a birthday party recently and one of the ladies remarked to me that she was already telling people about her pregnancy (8 weeks) because SHE doesn't get miscarriages.. yes, she knows I have had a couple... I thought that was pretty mean and also kind of ignorant.. I mean, everyone is at risk for it even if they haven't had a miscarriage before, right?

I'm so sorry that this woman said that to you. Just b/c a woman has never had a miscarriage doesn't mean she may not have one in later pregnancies. That was pretty insensitive to say to you especially if she knows your history.

My friend wasn't being mean or rude at all. This friend is an old friend and an amazing friend and she can pretty much say anything to me at all! She always has a way to gently but firmly tell me certain things she thinks I need to hear when she thinks I'm going in the wrong direction and it's something I really appreciate from her. She's not my mother,but by her age she could be and I'm totally estranged from my own mother so this friend will sometimes step in say ok "Michelle I'm gonna act like a mother to you right now and say something" and I love it when she's done that. She just doesn't want to me get my hopes up to high and then get hurt. She did tell me to enjoy it now and take the belly pictures and share them with whoever I wanted to. We talked a little about me being a single mama and how hard it would be and she asked me if I'd thought of the other options cuz she's like that,not to be mean or to try and suggest that I choose them or anything. Then she said how she remembered me always talking about wanting a child and how I'd planned to foster to adopt a few years ago and said I could this on my own and be just fine.

[COgirl19]

there are lots of single mamas out there and you WILL be just fine! I believe there is a single mamas forum on here somewhere too if you need some support. Congratulations!