Still waking in her own bed, thoughts? advice?

[Baby_Cakes]

So, it's been a little over a month since we moved DD (16 mo) to her own room on an air mattress. DH or I take turns when she wakes at night to go in a help her back to sleep. Normally, all it takes is laying next to her because she will climb on top of one of us and fall right back to sleep. After a little while, we move her off to one side and sneak back into the big bed.

But, she still wakes about 3 times. Sometimes more...

about an hour or hour and a half after putting her down (so 11:30 or so)
around 1 or 2
around 3 or 4

At the 3 or 4 am wakeup, she usually doesn't make a sound, she just comes running into our room to climb in bed w/us.

Many nights, she just won't sleep on her own. One of us has to stay w/her on the air mattress, and it makes for such a lousy night of sleep.

I'm just getting a little depressed about this. I thought it would take a few nights and DD wouldn't wake up as often. I'm seeing now that this assumption was unrealistic, but I have no idea how much longer it will be before she stops waking up and needing one of us to get back to sleep.

Out of frustration, I'm often asking myself, "Why can't she just settle back down on her own? She knows we're *right there* in the next room, why does she need one of us to lay her back down??"

Are these goals completely unrealistic? Does anyone have any sage advice or wisdom other than "this too shall pass?" I'm just ready for a good nights rest, like everyone else!

Thanks for listening. I know we're all in the same boat, but maybe some success stories would help? Anybody BTDT?

[Maluhia]

Sadly at that age it seems quite unrealistic for her to make that connection in the middle of the night alone. 16 months old may feel "big girl" because she's walking, starting to talk but she's still very much a baby in many ways and long term forward thinking is NOT within the normal range for just over a year old.

One thing could be the air mattress though, those things cause me a lot of joint aches because of the cold of having air above and below me rather than a warm mattress below me through the night.

[Jend1002]

I had the same thought - could it just be the air mattress? I can't sleep on one of those at all. The way it moves when I move is bothersome to me. Maybe DD wakes when she moves around?

[Baby_Cakes]

Hmm, thanks for the replies. I guess I kind of already knew I was expecting too much. But sometimes it's good to hear it from others!
Maybe it is the air mattress. She has a bed with a normal spring mattress, I just haven't had much luck putting her down in it to sleep. Maybe I'll try tonight and see how it goes.

So then...what age range is typical for them to make that realization that we are there and she'll be fine, enough to fall back asleep on her own?

[Addie]

I agree with the PPs, if I were you I'd try something other than an air mattress first - if she's still waking, then you can eliminate that as the cause. Air mattresses can be cold, loud and uncomfortable - any one of those things would be likely to wake her and send her back into your warm, comfy bed!

If she has a regular bed, why not try putting that mattress on the floor?

[Peony]

I agree that it is unrealistic for her age right now. Even my 3 year needs to know that someone is there at night. We know that someone is next door but a toddler or young pre-schooler often can not wake up startled in the middle of the night, and then think about where mommy or daddy is, realize it is ok, and go back to sleep. They just wake up, realize that they are alone and get upset, they aren't able to go through the deductive reasoning to figure out why they are alone. What that happens is older, and varies from child to child, but in our house it hasn't been until 4 or so. Until then, the nightmares, and strange noises in the house are just too scary without mom and dad.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

So then...what age range is typical for them to make that realization that we are there and she'll be fine, enough to fall back asleep on her own?

If you move her bed into her room, you might have better luck with this. We have a separate bed for my DD, and just her being able to hear noise from other people, breathing, etc. has always helped her fall back asleep quickly. DH and I got our bed back, but she still had reassurance that we're right there.

Even at 3, I don't think she could have made that connection from another room. Maybe by 4?

[Baby_Cakes]

Thanks guys!
I have to chalk this up to just not knowing that it wasn't til much later that they don't need someone when they wake up. She's my first so I'm still learning a lot! Thanks for not making me feel like a complete moron!
I'm just going to keep trying to be patient and not look at her night wakings as something we need to completely eliminate. They are just part of life right now, I guess. I just wish I could help her.
But thanks!

[Ellien C]

For whatever this is worth to you, my 7 yo still comes into our room from 1 - 3x a week. It's better now that she comes in on her own and crawls in bed with us. I think sometime after age 2 or 3 I "taught" her that if she got scared, she could just come into our room and she didn't have to yell from her room. Made a huge difference at the time.

Now, at 7, it's not exactly a good night sleep if she comes in but we're living with it!