Should I just stop worrying/ obsessing?

[Louisep]

DS is a poor sleeper, but we sometimes get decent nights now. From 5-12 months he woke every 2 hours, sometimes less and frequently stayed awake for 1-3 hours in the night. Now we get some incredible nights where he only wakes 2-3 times and some, like last night, where he was awake from 8-11pm and then again from 3-5am (he was in bed from 7pm-7am).

I'm just feeling so sick of my constant anxiety over his sleep. I worry non stop. Is he too tired? Does he need another nap? Is he getting enough sleep? Why does he have a good night and then the worst night ever?

I just want to let go of my obsession with his sleep. I don't think anything I do or don't do makes a difference anymore. He is for the most part a happy, good natured child and has hit milestones early.

Both dh and I are poor sleepers, is it time for me to just stop worrying and accept the crazy sleep habits of ds? Please!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Louisep

I just want to let go of my obsession with his sleep. I don't think anything I do or don't do makes a difference anymore. He is for the most part a happy, good natured child and has hit milestones early.

Just from doing my own analysis here at MDC, I would say the majority of really bad sleepers hit milestones early. Its like their brain is always in overdrive, therefore they have a hard time shutting it off so they can sleep.

If you and your husband are poor sleepers, chances were pretty good your kids might be poor sleepers too.

Yes, stop stressing, you are knocking years off your life.

When I stopped trying to figure out why DS2 had a good night, what I did that worked, and trying to duplicate the effects, I was more relaxed, he was more relaxed, and we actually got more sleep.

[kgreenemama]

AMAZINGLY, the moment that I stopped obsessing over DS's sleep, he started sleeping better!!!!

Well, not really. But changing my perspective after I resigned myself to stop looking at the situation in a negative way made everything, well, more positive. Trust me - It took much effort and the gentle persuasion of a patient husband to get there. And I sometimes regress. Overall, I figure that 60% of babies sleep poorly. The other 40% have parents who lie about how well their babies sleep.

[Jend1002]

It is exhausting to try to figure out what works and what doesn't, isn't it? I can't tell you how many times after a "good" night that I have tried to copy the exact meals, naps times, activities...only to have the worst night ever. DH and I can analyze it to death.

Letting go and accepting that you have a terrible sleeper is definitely helpful. That doesn't stop you from trying to find ways to make things better, but I find that if I crawl into bed and am prepared for the worst, I am far more relaxed throughout the night and at each wake up. Of which, there are many! I love that you call 2-3 wake-up incredible. I think that too!

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by Jend1002

I love that you call 2-3 wake-up incredible. I think that too!

so incredible for us, in fact, that I think we've had maybe 2 or 3 nights like that.. ever.

Accepting Liam's bad sleeping really helped me too. Although, I do regress too, when he has weeks of HORRIBLE sleeping.. and I think i'm going to go crazy. Then, magically, (like the last 3 nights) he will start sleeping a little better. For us, this means sleeping in 2 hour chunks, and sleeping past 5-6 in the morning.

[Louisep]

Thanks mamas. DS rewarded my new approach with an "incredible" night last night! I honestly don't think there's any rhyme or reason to his wakings anymore. I think you're right, he has an active mind and finds it hard to switch off. Poor thing, he is doomed having parents who are poor sleepers. I live in delusional hope that a second may be different...

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Louisep

Thanks mamas. DS rewarded my new approach with an "incredible" night last night! I honestly don't think there's any rhyme or reason to his wakings anymore. I think you're right, he has an active mind and finds it hard to switch off. Poor thing, he is doomed having parents who are poor sleepers. I live in delusional hope that a second may be different...

In our house it was #3 that was the better sleeper.

And yes, don't obsess! I have a 7 year old with insomnia, the child has never slept well in her entire life, I can not obsess, think about it yes. Plan our life around her sleeping, no.

[penstamon]

I agree with all the pp's that it is best not to obsess. Somehow obsessing probably negatively affects LO's sleep and of course your own. I guess just use those "incredible" nights to recharge yourself and don't stress about the bad ones, unless you really sense a change that may warrant a trip to the dr.

I am finding it hard to follow this advice however and am still in the process of seeing every single doctor, alternative practitioner, therapist, etc that I can find! My DS is also hitting milestones early and gets really jazzed up about new things.