FIL is untreated bi-polar, in agitated manic state - how to deal?

[LCBMAX]

Any tips from folks who've BTDT from either side?

FIL is intermittently abusing my husband verbally, consistently vilifying me as a bad mother, wife, etc., and aggressively trying to manipulate our parenting choices (like a regular peaceful bedtime for a 2 year old.) DH is setting boundaries and meeting with FIL in public places only and not having him over for now, but has never experienced this side of his dad's illness. (Previous manias have been more exalted and joyous.) It's important to my DH to not just cut off his dad, and DH is working hard to maintain a compassionate loving and now limit-setting relationship. FIL, of course, actually can't respect those boundaries, so the verbal abuse continues, confusingly interspersed with neutral or cheerful interactions.

I'd really appreciate any advice at all.

[KatWrangler]

Will your FIL seek treatment? If he is a danger to himself get him to the ER to be commited. You may even be able to call the Police. But I am not for sure on that.

Sounds like he desperately needs treatment.

[LCBMAX]

Originally Posted by KatWrangler

Will your FIL seek treatment?

I wish. No, this is a diagnosis he's had for decades, and he's largely been functional (though his refusal to accept treatment did contribute to his divorce.) He feels strongly that western meds would hurt him, and that this is a personality/ lifestyle choice, not an illness.

So far, he does not seem to be a danger to self or others, not physically, anyway.

[KatWrangler]

That is so sad. Not only for your FIL but for your husband.

Have you heard of NAMI? They have support groups. I think you and your husband need to look into it for yourselves. There is also lots of great info here.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...ontentID=23037

This forum has a Parents, Friends and Family section. If you need support, they are a great bunch of people. I post here.

http://dbsa.invisionzone.com/index.php?act=idx

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

He feels strongly that western meds would hurt him, and that this is a personality/ lifestyle choice, not an illness.

Western meds will hurt him. The problem for people who are bipolar is that there's a balance between the illness and the side effects of the medication. Lots of folks have lifelong health problems as a direct result of psychiatric drugs. That doesn't mean he shouldn't take them, but he's not entirely wrong in terms of what the drugs will do.

Considering reading up on hypomania, which is probably what he's had before (the joyous, super-happy state) and also mixed states. Understanding the phases of the illness can help you and your husband figure out how to make decisions about coping with him.

[LCBMAX]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Western meds will hurt him. The problem for people who are bipolar is that there's a balance between the illness and the side effects of the medication. Lots of folks have lifelong health problems as a direct result of psychiatric drugs. That doesn't mean he shouldn't take them, but he's not entirely wrong in terms of what the drugs will do.

Yeah, and in my life til now, I strongly supported people choosing not to use meds for anything, including mental illness. Now, I challenge myself with the contradiction between my selfish wish that he get treatment (because his illness is so uncomfortable for us) and my intellectual ideas.

I love the resources at NAMI and DBSA, and I'm still looking for the community that reflects older adults who've long since been diagnosed, decided against meds, and pretty much lived off the medical radar since then. I think the "off the radar" thing means not self-identifying as bipolar, so I do need to look harder in the families-of communities.

Thanks, all.

[bean-e]

Sorry to hear that you are going through difficulties with your FIL. Bipolar is a hard one to deal with, on either end.
Since he has refused conventional western meds, would he consider eliminating foods from his diet and using supplements? Dairy is usually one that makes mental health conditions worse. Magnesium supplements might help. And some believe that eliminating toxins from the body helps as well, so doing a cleanse. Just random thoughts...