Anyone else NOT enjoying this?

[geo_girl]

I feel terrible for posting this,

but I feel like I'm the only one here not enjoying this little person.

she cries. all. the. time.

doesn't. sleep.

she is definitely the most difficult of the 3 kids. I have lots of milk, but she doesn't seem to be gaining....she just seems unhappy, and that's how I feel too.

I know I'm supposed to be loving this, but I find it hard to find those gushy feelings when I look at her.

...and I'm off to attend her again.

cheers,
charlene

[mymary]

You know, the only reason I am replying is because I was just looking online about foremilk/hindmilk imbalances because I thought that was our problem. Some of the things you mention are symptoms of this. Baby unhappy or constantly hungry-which is normal a lot of the time for my babies. Or lots of milk and baby not gaining properly.

Just a thought....

[NaturallyPeachey]

me.

i'm trying to come to terms with an "oops baby" who also cries a lot more than I remember DS crying. It's been really hard.

i've heard some people say they didn't "bond" with their baby until they were several weeks old so I'm hoping that's what will happen.

try to get some extra rest and take it one day at a time. do you have friends or family close who can come and help a few hours a day? my MIL, as much as I don't like her, comes over two afternoons a week and it's been helping a lot.

[AfricanQueen99]

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I do not enjoy the cluster feedings/nipple ripping. It so doesn't promote feelings of bonding when I clench my teeth to not cry.

[sunshadow]

Hang in there! My DD was such a hard baby. I was lucky if I got two hours of sleep at any given time, for over a year. She had to be held constantly and cried constantly. She was a high needs baby and the only reason why I am sharing is because she is honestly such a joy now. She is so much fun, full of personality, so smart. Yeah she is intense, but with that intensity comes a lot of joy. It almost makes me worry about my ds. He has been totally calm so far and I fear I am just not going to enjoy him as much because he won't be like his sister. Though I am sure that sounds crazy to you right now! You will get through it.

[mamakims]

Sophie is a happy baby that I enjoy but my ds, well he's another story. I love him with all my heart but the first year was a doozy, esp the first 5 months. He was born screaming and really didn't stop until he slowed down at 5 months but he's still a high needs toddler. I actually developed PPD due to the stress of caring for a high needs infant (plus he had some medical issues too that thankfully haven't reappeared since he was small).
But like sunshadow was saying... my ds is so intense, his happiness is intense and so infectious which makes the other intense times easier.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, I"ve been there too. It's not easy by any means but you'll get through it.. just reach out for whatever support you can. s

[Astraia]

I feel the same. Except Orrin doesn't cry that much. He eats well, I can put him down while he's sleeping and he'll nap for a couple of hours but he doesn't do awake very well, he needs to be held and/or nursing the whole time he's awake. But between him and my daughter, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm starting to like him a bit more the last few days now that he's waking up a bit more and looking around, etc. Definitely didn't feel anything that resembled a bond for the first 2 weeks but I've determined not to beat myself up about and figure it'll come eventually. I find myself wishing myself through this baby stage, and telling myself SOON I'll be able to put him down awake, SOON he'll entertain himself a bit more, SOON it will get better, I'll love him like I'm supposed to, and everything will be beer and skittles. //// Charlene, could it be reflux? Food allergies? Oversupply can cause that, like mymary mentioned (I had that with Nigella, block feeds saved my sanity). I hope it gets better for you soon, and don't feel guilty because what you're feeling is totally normal!

[Tenk]

Geo, we had our last babies in the same DDC.

I just wanted to offer you a huge hug mama. I'm sorry it's so difficult right now, and I do hope things get easier for you mama!!! Peace and relaxation coming your way mama!!!

[jtrt]

Hi Charlene,
mymary's reply is more helpful than what I had planned to share. I begin by saying I am sorry you have an unhappy baby on your hands. It is incredibly difficult to cope with, much less gush over, a baby who cries incessantly and does not sleep much.

Perhaps the solution to your baby's weight gain/crying/lack of sleep is biological. I like the direction mymary suggested. I can't think of any other intelligent suggestions to pursue at this time for the weight issue.

As far as the crying/sleeping problem, I have vast experience thanks to my now 5 year old. Truman was a high need baby from the moment he was born peacefully into the water. He *screamed* for hours a day. Never slept longer than 45 minutes in a row and that was with me holding him over my shoulder and walking outside.

We took him to the chiropractor, a naturopath, the MD--nothing was physically wrong with him.

I tried eliminating fuss-foods from my diet, we co-slept, I wore him in every carrier I could afford to try, we swaddled, shushed, drove in the car, ran water nearby, bought a white noise CD, tried gas drops, a reflux med, colic tabs, gripe water, a heating pad, baby massage, infant swings, vibrating chairs, an Amby bed...still Truman cried. All we could do was make sure he did not cry alone.

He was our second child and we practiced attachment parenting with our first so we felt well-prepared for a high need baby. Whatever. It was incredibly difficult to cope with the crying and lack of sleep. Truman screamed for the first 4 months and then cried for another 7 months. It was torturous at times.

I had many, many moments of anger and sometimes wished we had never had another child. I sometimes felt he ruined our lives. My dh an I were adults with good coping skills but our poor 4 year old was just stuck with a screaming baby in his house, in his car, in his mom's lap, 24/7. My heart broke for him.

We made it through and learned much about parenting along the way. Once Truman got mobile, he was much happier. We think he really hated being a baby. Truman is now our sweet, empathetic giver. He is very tuned in to people's feelings. We love him so much. I truly can say it was worth the bitter to have the sweet.

I sure hope there is a simple biological cure for your baby's unhappiness. If not, and it looks like you have a high need baby, I hope you find good tips and lots of comfort in the Sears books on parenting high need children. It was so good to know we were not the only people in the world with a challenging baby.

Many, many hugs momma...

[hakeber]

you poor thing. I think there is a support thread in LWAB. I bet the mamas there would be a good source of support.

I think for starters you have to stop feeling guilty for not falling in love with a baby that is crying all the time...ever see that episode of Sex and the City when Samantha babysits for Miranda and she calls Brady an A-hole because he won't stop crying? Yeah...Babies can be really hard to love sometimes, like when when they vomit on your dress just as you are about to go out on your first date in ages, or when they poo on your last fresh white blouse, or when you have to take a phone call and they won't stop crying no matter what you give them.

They are selfish, needy, clingy, uncommunicative, emotionally abusive, co-dependant, and they drool. When you think about it...what's to like?

If we weren't biologically programmed to care for them and protect them, our species probably would have died off a long time ago.

Seriously, you should go easy on yourself. I have a really sleepy easy going baby who is a doll in every way and I am still not good at spending my days being gooey and in love and not resenting both DH and DS (Four years old and I am totally jealous of him!)for their exciting lives that include friends and events and people that respond to them, and leaving the house for hours on end. *I* am the one who is a huge jerk. My baby is perfectly lovable in every way and I still can't get it up for her the way we're expected to. There's all this pressure to be an uber mom these days, and what happens to YOU? No sleep, very little chance to eat let alone persue an interest or a hobby, and you're supposed to be all glowing and happy and in love? PTHBPTHBPTHB

Give yourself a break, hon. This baby and mom stuff is hard even with a practically perfect baby. You're doing great!

I hope you find the answer and you don't have to wait YEARS( ) for peace and quiet. That would just be sucky as all get out. If you don't find the solution with a hind milk imbalance, you should definitely look into hiring/bribing someone to give you a break a few hours a week, whether you choose to sleep or shop or read a book, you should feel free to use that time for you and you alone. A couple hours of selfishness now and then can refortify a mama to care for her family times ten.

[JayJay]

Aww mama. I am sorry!

I am going to third (or fourth?) the foremilk hindmilk thingy there, because a few weeks ago we had that problem. Bella's little tummy was all distended and sounded like a drum from all the gas, she cried and was terribly hard to settle, even co-sleeping, at night - we'd nurse constantly from 10pm-2am sometimes and although I have to say (after what happened with Josie) I didn't have any ill will toward her (which again is very likely based around the fact that Josie died, you see, so I was on SUCH a major high the first few weeks with Bella simply because she lived, which is obviously not a normal scenario!) the nights and the fussing were very hard and I was VERY very tired.

But yes, now what we do is nurse all night, side lying, from the left boob only. Then in the morning, we have a nurse from the right boob which by then is rather full! During the day at this point, I can get away with nursing from alternate sides, although I do still make a lot of milk. It did take several days of day/night block feeding to get here though. Now she is normal in terms of poo and gas, and is a much more regular and content baby.

So maybe try that? Bella was terribly unhappy when she had an imbalance. I suppose trying *everything* doesn't hurt, does it - at least then you're keeping yourself occupied through these hard times. I suppose it's a bit like trying to conceive in a way: if you're not successful one month, you'll try doing something different the next month to see if that works - or at least I did.

I hope this stage resolves itself for you very soon mama! XxxxX

[Gray's Mommy]

more for you mama!! Hang in there! We are all behind you

[ratrodgrl]

omg! I had to read this thread b/c I have had some serious moments of wanting to throw in the towel and resign. Can I get a new job? lol. My little guy is very needy and I had this preconception for whatever reason that he would be easy and mellow (as I was when a baby, and I'm the 2nd born). Not so! He is angry at the world half the time, and just seems so needy! And I don't always feel (ok, I rarely feel) that I have much to give toward that need. We have enough moments of sunshine to keep me going; he just started to smile and I just love it when he checks in to his big brother. But at other times I want to just yell at him, "get over it!" hm. Such motherly behavior, eh?

If you do have fore/hindmilk imbalance, I got a lot of help from doing breast compressions (www.drjacknewman.com) and making sure one side was completely drained before switching. It helped *that* problem, but not his personality.

Thanks to all the moms who shared on here. Amy, wow, that is intense and we aren't going through that level of a needy baby, but it was very helpful to read what you had to say. Hakeber, you made me pee my pants laughing! such a great post. It's nice to hear everyone's experience, makes me feel like less of a 3-headed freak!

[gabeyho]

nak

it is certainly a labor of love.....emphasis on LABOR. that is what we do for our children from the moment we go into labor to bring them into this world.

i love my kids, and this baby is wonderful, but he is still a baby and i am done with babies.

hang in there, you will get a payoff down the road.

[geo_girl]

nak.

not much time to answer everyone, but thank you for your support.

I feel guilty for not feeling all gushy yet, but I'm getting there.

...I think I'm surprised at how difficult #3 has been to adjust to. ....and I feel bad for DD and DS at having to listen to all the crying.

I'm doing the block feeding (for fore/hind milk issues), but am concerned that this will reduce my supply....thoughts?

...and thank you all again for your stories, thoughts and kindness. It is so nice to know that I'm not alone...even DH doesn't really "get" it,

[nummies]

I am not having too much fun right now either. I have two very high needs babies and a high needs toddler. Somebody is always crying in my house. Thankfully they are cute!

[CrunchyMamaToBe]

[lizziebits]

Just had to reply -- my DS was the same way. Fussy, poor sleeper, all that jazz. Part of it was probably me being a first time mom, but part of it was he was just a really tough baby (my parents and inlaws confirmed this for me).

One thing I took from his babyhood, which I really didn't enjoy all that much, was that really it didn't matter if I wasn't glowing with my warm gushy feelings of love, because I was demonstrating my love in real ways -- nursing him all the time, changing his diapers, walking him around over and over and over again. My love was demonstrated in all I sacrificed. I know all moms do this, but I think there has to be some special grace in doing it when you are really getting zero in return.

And of course, as you know, eventually the warm fuzzy feelings will come and you will have that emotional reward.

So yes, it would be awesome if there was a physical reason and solution. For us there really wasn't, but we got through it eventually.

[Sharlla]

I would try to eliminate dairy and see if that helps. I had to do that with DS2.

[LouisianaMomma]

I have a fussy & poor sleeper here aswell. My other 2 were easy babys. I feel overwelmed taking care of 3 kids most of the time by myself. DH works nights & sleeps during the day. I love the new baby & I'm happy to have him here after our MC last year but I need a break.