Anyone else NOT enjoying this? - Page 2

[MyFillingQuiver]

Sorry for butting in, but I wanted to say I can relate!

My 5th was MUCH desired...had a tubal reversal to become fertile again...so we really wanted/want him!

He was born in June, and that makes him nearly 9 months. I'm STILL having trouble truly enjoying him. He is getting so much better, but the high needs is definitely a blockade to just falling in love.

Of course we love them from the start. However, I think it's even more difficult when we have other children that were babies, and all babies are needy..but we are able to recognize HOW much MORE difficult one can be than another.

It's hard when the baby screams in the car, doesn't sleep, cries a lot, and generally makes you feel like they don't even like you! Constant nursing isn't a given with all babies (at least mine) so when you do have a constant nurser, and your boobs are totally overworked, it's a lot to handle! Then, you see babies elsewhere who are content and sleeping and smiling, and ours just seem to be so far away from that! I spent the entire summer locked up in the house nursing, because we seriously couldn't leave anywhere without MAJOR stress from him. A couple of restaurant trips with screaming/nursing the whole time/blowout diapers left me still hungry and emotionally worked over...I found it was better to just stay home.

I have found that my guy has become much happier once he became mobile. This was true with my other high needs guy at about the same age-but he was nowhere near as difficult as this last baby. It's so hard to communicate these things, as we somehow feel like "bad mom's" if we admit that things are just rough because our baby is making it so!

I'm pregnant again, and overjoyed. I do feel better equipped now to care for a high needs baby, yet I am praying that I do get to enjoy the newborn and baby bliss I had with my other children.

Blessings to you..I'm thinking of you!

[nola79]

I think this stage is soo hard, even with the easiest baby. I would not classify DD as high needs but she is definitely not as easy and mellow as ds was. I think the worst part, for me, is the sleep deprivation. She does not sleep for long periods unless she is ON me, and then maybe 3 - 4 hours at MOST of her squirming, grunting, turning her head, etc. which, of course, means not really sleeping for me.....I will be glad when she's a few months older and more comfortable in her own space.
I hope things get better for you soon!

[lalaland42]

I just wanted to post a hug and say hang in there mama. I only have a few minutes before DS wakes up and starts screaming again so I don't have much time to post any more. He is pretty high needs when he is awake as was his sister at this age. I am 99% sure that he gets bored during the day! Seriously. And then he gets wound up and screams (in arms) until his little face turns purple.

DD was not so high needs as a young infant but she made up for it at around 6 months until (how old is she again? 4.5 years) now. One thing that really saved me was Dr. Sear's book the Fussy Baby and High Needs Toddler. Or whatever it is called. Not the techniques but I found the prose soothing.

DS is starting to wake. Gotta go.

Oh and I can get some stuff done if I wear him in the wrap.

[circuitsndaisies]

Originally Posted by hakeber

you poor thing. I think there is a support thread in LWAB. I bet the mamas there would be a good source of support.

I think for starters you have to stop feeling guilty for not falling in love with a baby that is crying all the time...ever see that episode of Sex and the City when Samantha babysits for Miranda and she calls Brady an A-hole because he won't stop crying? Yeah...Babies can be really hard to love sometimes, like when when they vomit on your dress just as you are about to go out on your first date in ages, or when they poo on your last fresh white blouse, or when you have to take a phone call and they won't stop crying no matter what you give them.

They are selfish, needy, clingy, uncommunicative, emotionally abusive, co-dependant, and they drool. When you think about it...what's to like?

If we weren't biologically programmed to care for them and protect them, our species probably would have died off a long time ago.

Seriously, you should go easy on yourself. I have a really sleepy easy going baby who is a doll in every way and I am still not good at spending my days being gooey and in love and not resenting both DH and DS (Four years old and I am totally jealous of him!)for their exciting lives that include friends and events and people that respond to them, and leaving the house for hours on end. *I* am the one who is a huge jerk. My baby is perfectly lovable in every way and I still can't get it up for her the way we're expected to. There's all this pressure to be an uber mom these days, and what happens to YOU? No sleep, very little chance to eat let alone persue an interest or a hobby, and you're supposed to be all glowing and happy and in love? PTHBPTHBPTHB

Give yourself a break, hon. This baby and mom stuff is hard even with a practically perfect baby. You're doing great!

I hope you find the answer and you don't have to wait YEARS( ) for peace and quiet. That would just be sucky as all get out. If you don't find the solution with a hind milk imbalance, you should definitely look into hiring/bribing someone to give you a break a few hours a week, whether you choose to sleep or shop or read a book, you should feel free to use that time for you and you alone. A couple hours of selfishness now and then can refortify a mama to care for her family times ten.

I am laughing (because the only other option is tears) hysterically at this:

"They are selfish, needy, clingy, uncommunicative, emotionally abusive, co-dependant, and they drool. When you think about it...what's to like?

If we weren't biologically programmed to care for them and protect them, our species probably would have died off a long time ago."

OMG!! Yes yes yes! And:

"resenting both DH and DS (Four years old and I am totally jealous of him!)for their exciting lives that include friends and events and people that respond to them, and leaving the house for hours on end. *I* am the one who is a huge jerk"

I feel this too. I totally envy DH for getting to go to the office every day and sit in relative silence, wear clean, nice clothes and have conversations with adults that are, GASP, not about the baby and poop and reflux and the like.

I too keep telling myself that it won't last long. Soon, he'll be running around playing with his sisters and I will have just a smidge more freedom and sanity.

Maybe.

[geo_girl]

thank you ladies!

it is so nice to know I'm not alone.

on the plus side....she isn't crying right. now. *AND* I think that I saw the beginnings of a smile.

hope everyone else is muddling through this too! ;-)

[PaytonPlace]

I am so there too! I can totally relate to the person that said they almost regret having another baby. Our DD was the most mellow baby in the world. She was sleeping 8 hours at night when she was 3 weeks old. DS is 4 weeks old now and still eating every 2 - 3 hours round the clock. If he is awake and not eating, he is crying. Seriously, non-stop crying. And he has to be held, 24/7. I feel really sorry for my DD because she was so excited to have a little brother and now we have to spend sooooooo much time with him and she is doing alot of self entertaining these days. I ordered a Moby Wrap and it should get here tomorrow so hopefully I can wear him around and actually get something done. I work from home full-time and I go back to work in 3 more weeks and I'm getting really nervous that it is going to be impossible to do anything. I feel really bad when people ask us how the baby is doing and expect for us to be all lovey-dovey and super happy when we feel like we've been drug through the ringer the past few weeks. I keep holding onto hope that I know this phase passes and in no time he will be smiling, laughing, "talking" to us, and be somewhat enjoyable. It makes me feel bad to want to get past this stage so fast because he will only be a newborn once but geez, it is so exhausting and so difficult this time around.