"I Can't, It's Too Haaarrrrrd" and other choice phrases of a 3 yo.

[MidnightCommando]

Does your 3 yo sound like this? This is one of DD's new favorite thing to say.

example
me: "what do we do now that we're done playing blocks"
dd:"clean up!"
me: let's clean-up together" picks a block up and puts it in the box
dd: "I can't - it's too haarrddd" dramatically pokes a block and acts like it hurt her finger, even though we've just been building with them"

and this happens now with ANYTHING she doesn't find fun like putting boots on, brushing teeth, etc. She usually ends up doing some dramatic move, followed by me asking then demanding, and ends with us both being upset.

Usually I have turned unpleasant activities into some sort of fun game but this tactic is no longer working. She just gets a scowly face and looks at me like I am dumb. I explain why we are doing x on terms of a 3 yo and then ask again, and it's instant negativity from her. Then it's:
"I hate you mom" or "You're not my family anymore" or "You're not my friend"

She is now doing this in ballet class, and to strangers. Ballet teacher told me after last class that DD refused to participate in routine post-class cleanup saying it was 'too hard' and told the teacher she 'didn't like her anymore'. We were in the grocery store last week and some woman said hello to her and DD said" go away! i don't like you"
I was shocked and embarrassed.

Any clues into this new-found negativity and how to react? I have a very hard time ignoring it especially when it just seems to fuel the fire

Thanks

[kittygrrl523]

DS was acting like he couldn't peel his own clementine. I told him "you could do that when you were a baby, I wonder why you can't do it anymore?!?!" That made him laugh and he tried to peel the clementine himself. The funniest thing was that a few days later he and his friend were snacking and wanted clementines and DS said to his buddy "I'll teach you how to peel it!"

Another thing I sometimes do is just try to have a logical consequence. "If you don't clean up your blocks then we can't play with this game (or whatever.)" And if need be you clean up half the blocks and tell your DD "these are yours to clean up, please come and find me when you're finished" and then you go in the other room...I've noticed that when the behavior doesn't get a reaction it tends to stop...

[redpajama]

My 3-year-old has been doing this with going to the bathroom. She's been potty-trained since she was 20 months old, and was using the toilet more-or-less independently 6 months ago (only asking us to wipe her after she pooped). Now she'll come into the room saying, urgently, "I have to go potty!" And we'll say, "Well...GO!" And she'll insist that she needs help. She's actually peed in her pants waiting for someone to help her. But *what* she needs help with can change every time--one day she can't pull her pants down, but she can do everything else. The next day, she can pull her pants down, but she wants to be lifted onto the toilet. Other days she can't wipe. Or flush. Or pull her pants up. It's frustrating, but I trust she'll get over it. She seems to need the attention/assurance that we *will* help her, so we just try to help her out and not make a big issue of it. It does make me a little crazy, though.

[meemee]

v. v. typical behaviour.

i used to share how i hated, hated cleaning the bathroom yet it had to be done. so even though i didnt like doing it i HAD TO do it or live in dirt.

walk her thru the rules gently. i stressed more on how to be kind to people rather than what she did wrong. i found a place which my dd could 'hear'. i would tell her if she said unkind things and the parents heard her say that to their kid they would be really really sad. that really got to her really fast.

this is also the beginning of independence. where she has a choice. i would tell her she needs to clean and she could do it anytime say 'before dinner'. so she had a definite idea of time but she got to choose when to do it. i made it c. clear cleaning was not the choice but that when she could do it was the choice here.

whenever she says i hate you - i would say i know you are really upset about doing such and such and you are frustrated over it. i so understand. even i hate doing xxx and xxx. what you are doing is helping her express her emotions. she doesnt know how to do that yet so the easiest way to express is by saying she hates you or its soo hard.

lastly this is the hardest to do. forget how any other parent would judge your dd and you. all in their time.