doubts after visit with pediatrician

[snadaska]

I just came back from DD's visit with the pediatrician and I am starting to think that bedsharing is not a good idea. She said that a baby should be waking up 1 or 2 times a night at 6months old. My DD is up about 4xs a night. She, my husband, and I sleep in a queen size bed and it feels a bit small for us. I think (thought? I dont know anymore) that just being that close to her makes her want to nurse all night and that if we get a bigger bed things will be better. Now I am starting to think that she needs a crib. I just don't know. I can't do the whole allnight nursathon anymore. Has anyone has success avoiding the all night nursing? The doc thinks that its crazy what we're doing and now I am wondering if that's true. I am so tired I can't think . And guess who is crying in the next room? How do you all manage that bedsharing? How do you handle naps. I know I need to read more of the older posts. I just need to vent. I am losing my mind.

[MoonMum]

We sleep in a queen size bed. My LO sleeps in my arms and nurses about 5x at night and I love it. I usually doze off while he nurses.

[crunchy_mommy]

Our old pedi said the same things to us. We no longer see that pedi. People all around the world bedshare, I feel that it's the most normal & natural way to sleep. But if you're unhappy with it, then go ahead and try something different. FWIW, my DS woke up way more often than that at 6 mos -- he'd wake 8-10 times a night to nurse.

[Deir]

I am actually impressed that your dr said they should wake 1 or 2x to nurse. the usual line is they should be STTN by 6 months. There are many threads on here that address the all night nurseathon. it is THE hard issue I think. Some people can sleep all night with a babe latched on- they are really lucky. For others it is just unmanageable and they need to keep trying ways to stretch out the sleep. I'm sorry you are having a rough time, many of us have been there. One thing that helped me with my 2nd (a bit) was not obsessing over it. I just tried to get more sleep whenever I could and then eventually had dh take over some portions of nighttime.

[Louisep]

It's all perspective. The 2 pedis I see think it's the best thing for families. But it has to work for you. FWIW, waking 4 times a night isn't that bad but I know it's enough to make you tired.

[LadyCatherine185]

My 17 month old wakes up more times than 4 a night.. usually about 6-10 times. Of course, he is a horrible sleeper, but just wanted to give a little perspective.. Your pedi is wrong. Different babies sleep differently. Some STTN early on, others not for years.

It is YOUR choice to cosleep or not, if it is working for you and you like it, then do it. Your pedi is not in your home or your family. If you don't want to anymore, there are gentle ways to transition your child into a crib, cosleeper, or matress on the floor, etc.

I recommend reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Also, changing my expectations about infant/toddler's sleep patterns has helped me a lot. I no longer expect my DS to STTN, or even sleep well, and I do what gets us the most sleep at night. Which for me, is cosleeping and nursing laying down throughout the night.

[Peony]

I'm also in the camp that 4 times a night is completely normal. Out of my 3 children, 2 woke up FAR more then that, 10 was average, and only my easy baby woke up 4 or so times at 6 months. You still get tired though. The pedi that sees my kids encourages a family bed and did it with her kids, she has never once asked me over the years how often my kids woke up either.

[Sk8ermaiden]

My baby wakes up every hour in the crib, but only twice a night when in bed with us. Every baby is different and 4 times a night is totally normal.

[lindsayjean]

I know my babe would wake up waaaaay more if he were in a crib. 4X a night is tooooootally normal!!! I don't know where they get these stats, seriously! I like that when my 6 month old wakes up i can just roll over and nurse while I doze off. And my DD (almost 3/0 used to wke up a LOT and was a really difficult baby when it came to sleep and now has been sleeping in her own room for over a year and sleeping through the night. It's such a short time in their lives- I miss cuddling with her at night!!

[merebella]

Hey, mama. It's so hard to feel pulled in different directions. You have to do what is right for your family and your baby. That said, we were bedsharing until around 4 months, cosleeping with ds in an amby bed in our room until around 6.5 and then he moved into a crib in his own room. None of those transitions changed how many times he woke at night. He went through various stages of waking more and less many times, no matter where he slept. So, you might choose to put him in a crib for certain reasons, but don't expect that it will cause lo to wake less. Also, as some have said, when nursing in bed, you'll probably get more sleep than waking up and going to your lo in another room.

Don't worry about the ped part of it. If your baby is happy, content, growing, and getting sleep (even if he's waking at night), *and* you can live with it as a mama, don't worry about it. If *you* can't cope any longer, then you can begin to explore ideas for getting longer stretches out of lo. (Have you looked into Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution? There are some good ideas in there.) Good luck, mama. You're doing a good job.

[ElliesMomma]

babies feel safer sleeping with you b/c it's the biological norm for babies to sleep with their moms. and it facilitates easy nursing on demand.

my first child is super high energy. she woke frequently overnight for YEARS. now at almost 4 yo, she is *almost* sleeping through the night. usually just one or two wakings where she crawls into my bed and wants a little milk to go back to sleep.

my second child is 5 months old. he sleeps with me. he is starting to really mellow out. after waking every three hours for most of his early months, he is now sleeping mostly through the night, waking maybe once or twice to nurse, and then go right back to sleep. to be honest, i'm not sure how often he nurses once i get in bed with him at night; i think i semi sleep through it myself.

so the point is, kids are all different. if yours is waking a lot at night, that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. i did the same with both, and look at the variation of results.

ps: sleeping in a crib facilitates CIO, which is what the doctor may be leading up to at a certain age...

[sunfish21]

I would completely ignore what the pedi said and let them know the next time you are in that you would prefer to not be talked to in that manner. My DD was waking up 4-7 times a night at this age and continued for another year. It wasn't until we night weaned that she began STN. I was an exhausted wreck for a long time and tried to nap whenever she napped. For us, the milk supply being so close seemed to make her wake-up on auto-pilot: she immediately needed to nurse, but only for a minute. For us, the solution was night weaning--we both finally sleep. My only regret was not doing it sooner (she was 21 months). Now we enjoy co-sleeping and we are both sleeping!

FWIW, I think any HCP that tries to tell you what is normal for all is out to lunch most of the time. Your baby "should" be waking 1-2 times a night? Many, many babies are waking much more than that, bedsharing or not. When in a neurologists office for my STBX last year, I read a pamphlet on sleep saying that if your baby wan't sleeping through the night by X age then they had a sleep disorder and if you bedshared or didn't let them learn to sleep by CIO you the parent were the cause of their sleep disorder. Crazy talk! You will get through this--I would encourage you to listen to your heart. You may need to make some changes but they should be based on what is best for you and your baby--not the peds opinion.

[Maluhia]

pedis are great for medical issues, waking up in the night to nurse or be near your Mom is a psychological norm and not a medical issue.

[Sweetiemommy]

Some babies do sleep better in their own space. Maybe you could try one of the sidecar cribs. My first was very sensitive to my presence and would we would frequently wake each other. I put in him a little cradle right next to my bed and he slept much better, was better rested during the day for naps. Now he is 5 and still likes to hop in bed in the wee hours of the morning to snuggle, but is happy in his bunk bed during the night. All babies are different.

[mommajb]

Another thing to look at is how night is defined. 11pm to 6 am vs 8pm to 8am are two choices. FWIW, I think a 6 month old waking twice between 11 and 6 is just about the good side of normal. More frequent wakings will happen and I am sure there are stories of less waking I just don't have them to tell.

[MaterBum]

4x's a night doesn't sound unrealistic to me at all. BUT, if you're feeling you need more sleep, perhaps you need to look at changing something. But please don't do it because one pediatrician thinks you should. You could find other docs who disagree. So it really has to be your decision.

And just a thought: putting a LO in a crib is NOT a guarantee for more sleep. I could mean maybe less wakings, but the wakings may be longer and more disruptive to you. If the babe is in a crib, it will have to be louder longer probably to wake you. You will have to get out of the bed, decided where to nurse, finish nursing, put baby back in bed, then get back in bed yourself and fall asleep. For me, that amount of up and down and complete waking to nurse would have done me in more than the more frequent, less disruptive wakings.

Good luck finding a solution that works for you and your babe. And fwiw, I remember being so exhausted by nursing and thinking I couldn't wait to be done. Now, I would give anything to get to nurse one of mine all night as a babe again...that closeness is so special and gone so quickly. Really, it will be gone in a flash.

[springbride]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

pedis are great for medical issues, waking up in the night to nurse or be near your Mom is a psychological norm and not a medical issue.

Well said!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by Deir

I am actually impressed that your dr said they should wake 1 or 2x to nurse. the usual line is they should be STTN by 6 months.

Listen to your gut. It's really up to you, the parent, to make this decision.
When DD's ped said the same thing to us, I asked her why it was so important for her not to be waking up at night anymore. Was it bad for her health? She shook her had and said, "No, mom, it won't hurt her, but isn't it time you got some sleep? We don't want you going so crazy!"
She mentioned something about how DD will never learn to STTN if we don't force it now.
When I reiterated that it was really only for my benefit, she was so adamant that it was just really unnecessary for us to still be "getting up" (I never told her we bedshared) to nurse or rock DD. I just said, "Ok, thanks, I'll think about it," and went on my way.

It's truly up to you. If you think it's time to set some boundaries and try putting your LO in a crib in your room, or even in her own room, please do it b/c YOU want to, not b/c a pediatrician says you should.

Keep in mind that in moving her, she wake up MORE, not less. Is that something you'd be ok with?

At 6 months, I wouldn't be comfortable limiting night time nursing. We didn't nightwean DD until a year. But she STILL wakes up a few times at night, in her own room at 16 months! But look into having your partner take one waking. It will really help you to get 3-4 hrs (or more) straight through. Nap when she naps if you can. It does and will get better!

[mkksmom]

I say just trust your gut... which is hard when you are tired. lol! My first woke quite a bit. We did the No Cry Sleep Solution with her... or tried. In our first sleep log, she woke up 10 times. This LO sleeps much better, and moving her to a crib did actually help. I personally can't sleep as well with a baby next to me. My LO scared the crap out of me 3 times when we were cosleeping. It really didn't seem like she was breathing, and I had to wiggle her and call her name and she finally woke up. I think she was just in a deep sleep and her breathing was shallow. But I woke up worried about her all night long. Finally, I put her in a crib in my room with a Babysense V monitor to detect movement and assure me that she is breathing. Whatever it takes to get the most sleep, ya know? I had some losses and fertility issues before my pregnancy with her, so I guess that's why I worry more than with my first.

I almost thought I was crazy having my hubby take apart the crib and put it in my room because that was a lot of work if she hated the crib like my older one. Turned out she worked her way up to sleeping 6-8 hour stretches, which is pure heaven for me. I thought babies that slept 6-8 hours at 4 months were a myth.

If you have a crib or pack n play, you could always give it a try and go back to cosleeping if it just doesn't feel right. What feels right to me changes periodically, so we just go with the flow. My 5.5 yo is on a mattress on our floor right now when last year she spent most nights in her room. She'll be ready to go back eventually.

ETA: Try not to let the doctor rattle you. If this is something that was fine with you before the appointment, then trust your gut and do what works for you and your child.

[penstamon]

I won't bother echoing all the fantastic advice other mommas have given you, other than to say that 4x a night is what my 7 month DS does on his "better" nights and it is way easier for us to keep him in bed with us too.

The arm's reach cosleeper or other side-carred crib is a great idea to give evryone more space and still preserve your sleepy state when to have to grab your DD to nurse.

FWIW, I would find a different pedi.