Why does helping out at ds's school keep costing me money?

[HipGal]

I am so frustrated right now. We pay so much for tuition for ds's school, then add on the extra expenses (uniforms, field trips, etc.) - which is fine, then add on "donations" on top of that (not technically required but a lot of pressure to do it) and now it is costing me every time I help out with something at school.

In October, no one was going to host the halloween party, so I volunteered. The class moms already spent the budget on plates, utensils and balloons, so all the other items for activities I paid for myself and said I didn't expect to be reimbursed. That was fine. When I planned the party, I was discouraged from asking for help and had to do everything on my own.

Then a few weeks ago no one was volunteering to help with the class auction item (the class creates something to be auctioned off to raise money for the school). I had a few ideas and suddenly I was in charge of it. Someone else bought the canvas and I bought the paint. I painted the background and helped all of the kids paint one afternoon. The room mom even asked me for the total so she could reimburse me. I donated all the leftover paint & paint pens to the auction as well - even adding in a couple small new canvases I happen to have at home.

Today the room mom says that it turned out that they never budgeted for the class auction item. They asked each set of parents to donate $45 at the beginning of the year for various parties, etc., but I guess that didn't include the materials for the auction item. She said they hadn't spent as much on parties this year as planned (partly because I paid for most of the Halloween party!), so she is using that money to pay HERSELF back for the canvas and don't worry, she will write a check to me for the paint as a personal donation. (?!) So basically I can't say anything other than "Oh, don't worry about it" because I don't want to take money directly from her as a 'donation' instead of getting reimbursed from the class fund.

I really didn't mind paying the original $45, or paying for the party stuff, or paying for bringing snacks to other parties, but once you add in the money for paints it is really adding up. And I feel like for some reason the room moms think they can just decide what to spend the money on (like paying themselves back) and can manipulate me into not getting reimbursed. It feels really weird to me.

*I am starting to see why no one volunteers for anything!* I most definitely don't feel like volunteering because I don't think it is appreciated. Ugh! I just had to vent to someone who would hopefully understand. I broke my "no spend" February when I bought the paints (around $35), but I told myself it was okay because I would be reimbursed from the class fund. I also think it is not the $35 so much as the principle that these things should be handled fairly and the costs spread out evenly among the parents - not just on whoever is foolish enough to volunteer to help!

[ambersrose]

I have had this kind of thing happen to me often when I volunteer in different activities and groups my children are a part of. I do it for my kids but sometimes it gets to be too much and I need to take a step back.

[Ellien C]

I think you are totally right. People can get into a lot of trouble by not handling finances correctly and cleanly. Is there any kind of PTO or something? I would want to see a financial report showing all of the money they took in from that $45/kid (which seems HUGE to me, but my kid attends a public school in a poor-middle class area.), the budget for that money and the expenses paid out so far and who they were paid to. This is NOT unreasonable. This is basic accounting and budgeting and keeps everything fair and on the up and up. No one should balk at providing this info - or perhaps your next volunteer job can be something like treasure or business manager. I'm going through something similar with a district-wide girl scout event. I cannot BELIEVE the lack of budgeting and loose controls surrounding money.

It's a little sleazy for the room mom to take the reimbursement for the canvas, but offer a "donation" to you for the paint. She gets a tax credit for that donation. On the other hand, maybe you can accept her "donation" afterall (or maybe next time).

[gothnurse3]

Couldn't read and not comment. I pretty much quit volunteering because of this. I LOVE my children but we chose for me to be a SAHM on a very tight budget to benefit our family. I feel that the school looks at me like, "She doesn't work." Yes, I do lay around all day eating bon-bons and having mani-pedis....Seriously, I get excited when I shave my legs. I feel your pain.

[Peony]

Same boat here. I need to volunteer to cook hot lunch one day, each family is encouraged to cook once a year but they only give you $100.00 for all the food. Definitely going to cost more then that. I really wouldn't care that much but every time they ask for donations for a class project or a food for a party, etc... I always volunteer. And I don't even want to talk about the time when I found myself making sugar cookies for the entire school WITH the 1st/2nd grade helping me and two extra children of my own in tow. I obviously had no idea what I was getting into when they asked for a extra pair of hands that day.

[RunningMomTegan]

I feel you. I work in a government organization where farewell/retirement gifts are the norm, but there is very little protocol. You're not SUPPOSED to get a gift unless you've donated to our mass pot, but no one leaves without one.

I am ALWAYS in charge of these things. And I ALWAYS pay out the butt. For this last guy, I think my total contribution has come to like $75. He's a nice guy and all, but getting $10 out of people who make way more than I do was like pulling teeth. And I am not exactly at the top of this very heirarchacal organization, so I just have to suck it up. My boss also ended up coughing up around $75 total, so we're both feeling the pain.

Just say no. Volunteer and absolutely refuse to come out of pocket. Experiences like yours and mine are steeling my resolve for when I stop working this summer. I will not be the piggy bank!!!

[Ellien C]

One thing that helps me is to be very up front. I have no problem saying: Is there a budget or reimbursement available for this? Or are we expected to donate or find whatever is needed? And then follow-up with - what was spent last year on this? You need to know if you're planning a class party with $50 or with $300.

I think sometimes there IS money available, but people hope someone won't ask. Or they assume you WANTED to donate.

[mnnice]

Originally Posted by RunningMomTegan

I feel you. I work in a government organization where farewell/retirement gifts are the norm, but there is very little protocol. You're not SUPPOSED to get a gift unless you've donated to our mass pot, but no one leaves without one.

I am ALWAYS in charge of these things. And I ALWAYS pay out the butt. For this last guy, I think my total contribution has come to like $75. He's a nice guy and all, but getting $10 out of people who make way more than I do was like pulling teeth. And I am not exactly at the top of this very heirarchacal organization, so I just have to suck it up. My boss also ended up coughing up around $75 total, so we're both feeling the pain.

Just say no. Volunteer and absolutely refuse to come out of pocket. Experiences like yours and mine are steeling my resolve for when I stop working this summer. I will not be the piggy bank!!!

Where I work we do retirements with an envelope and a routing slip. When you get to you donate (or not) and cross you name off and go one to the next thing. How expensive the give it depends on what's in the envelope. The only risk here is that someone steals out of the envelope which hasn't seem to happen.

I'm with you volunteer you time and don't pay for other stuff even if you are concerned it makes you look broke or cheap.

[MissMommyNiceNice]

I would demand to see a budget for each event and ask where the money has gone. If there isn't enough money to throw as nice a party as people want, oh well, better luck next time.

It seems to me the person handling the money isn't doing a good job and she shouldn't have been able to just decide to reimburse herself without reimbursing you.

At this rate, there won't be any money left for the next party or the one after that. Simple budgeting can solve a lot of issues. Personally, I wouldn't buy anything without having the money in hand from the treasurer.

[earthmama369]

At this point, I would put my concerns in writing and send them not just to the room moms, but to the school. That (at least) twice now you have paid out of pocket on top of your volunteering time, and at least once you were told you would be reimbursed only to find out later that wasn't true. Be factual, not accusatory, and maybe work in a constructive suggestion toward the end on how they might remedy the situation -- more transparent budgeting, using an accounting program that volunteers can log into to see where the funds stand at, etc. Bring your concerns to a level beyond your own issues -- that you can see this affecting volunteering (already, as twice you've stepped in to save the day because no one else volunteered) because volunteers are being tapped for funds on top of donating their time and creative energy.

[mattemma04]

We pay our kids tuition too.Plus fees.Plus penalty fees if we do not donate enough time for volunteer and fundraising activities(up to $700).Usually the kids come home with notes about trips or parties,and I have to pay $3-12 to cover costs.Not bad,but when you don't have enough to buy all the food you want that week......it's a drag.

The secret santa(or secret cupid) is the worst.Even though it is low cost gifts my kids have gotten some serious duds...as in something lying around the gift-givers home in USED condition.I told my kids next year they really should not participate,and I will buy them a nice gift to open while the others do an exchange.Nothing worse for a kid than to get a really lame gift while others jump for joy over theirs.

If you volunteer like moms do at our school for the parties I would suggest figuring out a cost per student,and have the money be sent in a few days before the event.That way you can call anyone who has not paid.

For our silent auction baskets each classroom picked themes and that meant a $10 item donated per student.I got things like nature music,educational books,suet holder and suet.

A local public school recently had a $9k theft.PTA treasurer dipped a bit,lol.I think a detailed account of where the money goes is a very good idea.And to add to that another person needs to verify the spending and details mesh up.

[Amys1st]

I think the reason your school is having such issues with volunteering is just that. No one is upfront about anything. I agree, talk to the PTO executive board, if its a PTA, it has specified rules about it too. FInd out how much is budgeted for room parties, auctions etc and how much the parents are expected to cough up as well. I think if someone is upfront and in their face, it might be grounds for revisiting it. If you get flak, remind them its for the good of the school and also becausse it leaves a bad taste in your mouth as well as others since its such an issue to get volunteers.

As far as secret santas etc, we now have a no particpation rule. I also just buy something my kids can open up or just happen to be absent that day.

DH's work used to have a secret santa every year at the holiday party. Translated, he would tell me the afternoon of the party and of course I would not have time to buy something for whomever if he even remembered who it was for. So we would get it on the way to the party (usually a giftcard to starbucks etc) and he would get something crappy in return that would sit in our trunk for a few months, then in our garage for a few months, then good will bag etc....

Finally he just sat it out and we watched the others around us going thru the same thing until the organizer quit the company or got a crappy gift and it was then not done the following year. LOL