We can't go to the library anymore: Update post 32

[eepster]

We can't go to the library anymore, b/c it is just so so sad when you have to give all the wonderful books you took out back. Our last trip, when I rounded up all the overdue books, involved great amounts of weeping. Now he just doesn't want to go anymore. He doesn't even want to take out any new books, b/c it's too sad when they go back.

This is something totally new. H used to love going to the library and always was OK with taking the old books back as long as we could pick out new ones. I don't know why it's changed. Now he only wants to go to the bookstore.

DS just turned 4 yo, please tell me this is some kind of short lived phase that they outgrow quickly. I can't buy that many books, we have a budget.


ETA: Happy update post 32

[HipGal]

No advice, just hugs! I think it is so sweet that your little guy loves the books so much.

[LynnS6]

That's a new one for me, but my kids have a high need for novelty in their books.

I suspect that once he realizes that not going to the library = the same books over and over again, it might become less sad.

If that doesn't work, can you just exchange books without having him there?

[UrbanMamma]

My two year old can get like this. About 1 in 5 library books turn into favorites; returning them is torture. Our latest system has been to keep a list of our favorites. I warn him about 48 hours in advance of the return. He helps me return them all. Then, immediately, we go find one of the prized books we returned the last week. It also helps teach him about the catalog, etc. Your mileage may vary.

[greenmamapagan]

Big empathy here. DD is the same. I've just finished paying off the overdue fines from her precious books on my card and now she has $42 worth on hers! Yes, the book shop is her favourite place. At least she's happy with only one book at a time from there (and thankfully they're happy for us to stay and read for as long as baby DS can stand).

[no5no5]

Aw,

DD has some trouble sometimes, but never to that extent (knock on wood). I typically say something to the effect of, "We have to take that one back, but why don't we look for another [book in the same series or by the same author] when we're at the library?" That is usually a compelling enough reason to justify taking a book back.

[kgianforti]

Originally Posted by eepster

I can't buy that many books, we have a budget.

Maybe you can hit Craig's List or yard sales until the phase goes away??

[eilonwy]

Poor little fellow! Bean frequently becomes obsessed with books, and would borrow & renew the same titles repeatedly whenever he could. Our system allows a book to be renewed twice and then it has to be returned for at least a week (unless someone else has it on hold-- lucky for Bean, there don't seem to be any late elementary/middle school readers in town who are obsessed with Medieval military history ). He's never actually cried, but he has whimpered and become distraught. It helped to limit the number of books he was permitted to borrow, and yes, he did become more relaxed about things as time went on. I hope your son moves out of this stage quickly.

[loraxc]

is he like this about other stuff? If not, I'll bet the phase ends quickly when he realizes he can't get new books.

Sometimes there are two copies. We've checked out the same book back to back many times bc of this.

[daytripper75]

My advice is not to buy any new books. Even cheapie used books. Just read the ones you have and after he becomes bored with them ask him if he'd like to try to borrow some from the library again. Maybe have dh drop your returns off at the library when ds isn't with him?
What a rough situation. I think I might tend towards the tough love side of things on this one. I think it might be one of those stresses that he will be able to build his emotional resilience with.

[RiverTam]

I'm 40 and I don't like to use the library because I have to give the books back.

It really sucks when you find a new book that you really love and then you have to give it back.

Rather than pay really high overdue fees, what if you used that money to buy copies of the books that are really special? You can use the library to try out books, and then buy the ones that you love.

[carmel23]

when my now 5 yo ds was 3 he had the same reaction, he would bawl when we had to return a particularly beloved library book.

This worked for us: Make a trip where you check out 1 particularly well known book by your little one. Return it, but talk about how you can always go back and get it when you want it again.

Then go back and find the book on the shelf (it helps if you can check the library online and see if the book is in). And talk about how you can find it there whenever you want to read it/borrow it.

I guess it also helps that we use all kinds of libraries as a family--tool lending library, canning library, etc.

But this method has worked well with both ds 5 years and my DD.

I has been a difficult but in the end positive challenge to overcome and learn from.

[eepster]

None of them were particular favorites. We did take out one once that was a real favorite of his and he was sad to let it go, but he managed. He then got his own copy of that one for Christmas.

It was just a whole lot of books. For ages very time we returned one or books he wanted to take out 4 or 5. More recently it got to the point where he took out so many that was loosing track of them. He also taken out a really long book for himself to read, and it took us ages to finish it. So, some of the books we returned we hadn't even gotten to looking at yet.

[deminc]

We renew, rotate and limit. We may look for books by the same author, or publisher. But yeah, they are not very happy when the books have to go back, but they get over it. I will purchase the books very selectively and I give them a list to choose from.

[*bejeweled*]

Exactly. Emotional resilience strengthening.

Originally Posted by daytripper75

What a rough situation. I think I might tend towards the tough love side of things on this one. I think it might be one of those stresses that he will be able to build his emotional resilience with.

[philomom]

Honestly, my gifted little guy did this with the old shoes that he outgrew and old coats that he outgrew..... I had to go through elaborate scenarios to keep him from "rescuing" and trying to wear the old stuff... even when it no longer fit. They eventually outgrow it.

[4evermom]

Sounds like my guy. He didn't do it with books, though. I didn't like keeping track of the books and he didn't like being in libraries anyway. He found having to be quiet stressful (no separate children's room). I just bought books at thrift stores when he was younger.

Ds had a real hard time with goodbyes. Not getting new books wouldn't have "worked". He would have totally agreed it was better to never read a new book again than to have to ever return one. I always had to wait until he bonded with his new shoes before getting rid of the old ones (sometimes putting the old ones out of sight). He's better now that he's older. I didn't need to "do" anything about it.

So my advice is used books. Thrift stores, yard sales, freecycle.

[coryy]

BTDT!!!!! yep...at least two of my kids did that. I started taking them back when they were at preschool and just going to the library to get more...if he noticed the others were missing, I would tell them that it was someone else's turn.

[Roar]

Originally Posted by *bejeweled*

Exactly. Emotional resilience strengthening.

Make that three. Sometimes life has limits. Good not to be saved from all of them.

Don't get sucked into the depths with this one. Keep your responses short and sweet. Very quick acknowledgment of feelings and the reality that indeed the library books are returned and tra la la on we go. It is fine if he isn't interested in checking out books, but you will be getting a few for yourself.

[zinemama]

Going to the library is an important part of my life. I wouldn't let a child's "sadness" over returning books dictate that I couldn't go anymore. I agree with pp: acknowlege the feelings and off you go to the library!