So let me preface this by saying my son is a ridiculously good kid, with good friends. He doesn't get into trouble really ever. He also always 'clicks' with the good kids. Really just a bunch of goody two shoes lol, and I think I sometimes take it for granted and think everything will always be PERFECT. And I know that isn't realistic.
I have never had a discipline problem before but something happened yesterday and this is how I handled it. I don't know if I handled it well. I don't know how I feel yet.
Ok we have a child's browser on our computer. My son really doesn't use the computer for much except to access the LEGO website. I told him that he could create an id on the site to play game and such. My computer is in the main room. It is not something that you can access really bad private stuff on if you know what I mean.
I told him months ago that I didn't want him posting on the message boards or 'interacting' online.
So last night we were playing games together on the site. And he had a few codes for one game. I asked where he got the codes. He said 'nowhere'. I asked again and he told me about the message board. I went to the message board and asked as calmly as possible why he went to the board and if he posted. He told me that he made 5 posts. He said that he read the rules before he posted and that the board was moderated and no bad stuff was allowed. He said a month ago he asked DH if he could LOOK at the message board for the codes, DH said yes. But he did know the rule about him not posting and he did it anyway.I think basically what happened was that once DH looked around and gave him the go ahead to look at the boards , he got the temptation to reply to a couple of posts.
The posts and threads on the site were ridiculously innocent. Not just his own posts but the other members. There is also a parent's board on the main page.I felt better about that.
At first I reacted really quietly . He was pretty upset and teary eyed. I told him that I was disappointed that he was not forthcoming about this and that he should have told me and that I was upset about his dishonesty because it is something that he did behind my back knowing I wouldn't like it.
He got pretty upset and said " I won't use the site anymore, I feel terrible. How long are you going to be disappointed in me?"
Ugh I felt rotten. I told him to give me a few minutes. I sat down and told him that I wasn't going to take the site away or the computer or punish the situation in any way and that I thought the board was ok. I told him that I didn't make up the no interacting rule to be a tyrant but that safety on-line was a really big concern for everyone , kids and adults included, and that had he asked me about posting and included me that I would have allowed it.
I told him that I wasn't angry at him and that even though I was disappointed about the hiding initially that being honest with me now made me very proud and that he should never be afraid to come to me and be honest. I said I wouldn't want someone to bother him on-line and then have him be afraid to come to me because he was afraid of getting caught. I won't write the conversation verbatim as to shorten this post, but that was the gist and it ended on a good note.
I think it's ok now. He's fine now, I'm fine. Maybe this is just a ramble. I really want to do a good job at setting a precedent for the future here. I don't want to be the lax type that is fine with whatever but I also don't want to be the parent whose kid gets so scared to tell them the truth, I'm thinking teen years that they get in the car with a friend who has been drinking for instance.
If you have an open line with your child into their teens how did you keep it open. How did you react to initial dishonesty then honesty? I feel pretty good about the content of the site in this instance. Like it really wasn't anything bad at all, but he was still initially dishonest which made me feel bad. Sigh
I have never had a discipline problem before but something happened yesterday and this is how I handled it. I don't know if I handled it well. I don't know how I feel yet.
Ok we have a child's browser on our computer. My son really doesn't use the computer for much except to access the LEGO website. I told him that he could create an id on the site to play game and such. My computer is in the main room. It is not something that you can access really bad private stuff on if you know what I mean.
I told him months ago that I didn't want him posting on the message boards or 'interacting' online.
So last night we were playing games together on the site. And he had a few codes for one game. I asked where he got the codes. He said 'nowhere'. I asked again and he told me about the message board. I went to the message board and asked as calmly as possible why he went to the board and if he posted. He told me that he made 5 posts. He said that he read the rules before he posted and that the board was moderated and no bad stuff was allowed. He said a month ago he asked DH if he could LOOK at the message board for the codes, DH said yes. But he did know the rule about him not posting and he did it anyway.I think basically what happened was that once DH looked around and gave him the go ahead to look at the boards , he got the temptation to reply to a couple of posts.
The posts and threads on the site were ridiculously innocent. Not just his own posts but the other members. There is also a parent's board on the main page.I felt better about that.
At first I reacted really quietly . He was pretty upset and teary eyed. I told him that I was disappointed that he was not forthcoming about this and that he should have told me and that I was upset about his dishonesty because it is something that he did behind my back knowing I wouldn't like it.
He got pretty upset and said " I won't use the site anymore, I feel terrible. How long are you going to be disappointed in me?"
Ugh I felt rotten. I told him to give me a few minutes. I sat down and told him that I wasn't going to take the site away or the computer or punish the situation in any way and that I thought the board was ok. I told him that I didn't make up the no interacting rule to be a tyrant but that safety on-line was a really big concern for everyone , kids and adults included, and that had he asked me about posting and included me that I would have allowed it.
I told him that I wasn't angry at him and that even though I was disappointed about the hiding initially that being honest with me now made me very proud and that he should never be afraid to come to me and be honest. I said I wouldn't want someone to bother him on-line and then have him be afraid to come to me because he was afraid of getting caught. I won't write the conversation verbatim as to shorten this post, but that was the gist and it ended on a good note.
I think it's ok now. He's fine now, I'm fine. Maybe this is just a ramble. I really want to do a good job at setting a precedent for the future here. I don't want to be the lax type that is fine with whatever but I also don't want to be the parent whose kid gets so scared to tell them the truth, I'm thinking teen years that they get in the car with a friend who has been drinking for instance.
If you have an open line with your child into their teens how did you keep it open. How did you react to initial dishonesty then honesty? I feel pretty good about the content of the site in this instance. Like it really wasn't anything bad at all, but he was still initially dishonest which made me feel bad. Sigh
