Co-sleeping with toddler and newborn

[mrsdocmartin]

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Our 2 1/2 year old DS sleeps with us and still needs a lot of nighttime parenting. He is nightweaned (and hopefully will be completely weaned when babe comes), but still sleeps cuddled up to me and when he wakes in the night, he only self-soothes part of the time. I do 99% of the nighttime parenting. We are expecting at the end of July and I am really nervous that none of us will get any sleep. I don't want DS to feel pushed out of the bed, as I am already really worried about his reaction to sharing mommy with the baby. I know a lot of mamas say that having dad take over is the answer, but I feel like that will be very hard on DS.

[GoBecGo]

I think having daddy take over some of the night time stuff can only benefit your DS, rather than being hard on him (you can do it gently by all means, you don't have to just blank him with an "ask daddy" suddenly!). What is better than a loving, present parent you can turn to when you need someone....? TWO of the above!

[mrsdocmartin]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

I think having daddy take over some of the night time stuff can only benefit your DS, rather than being hard on him (you can do it gently by all means, you don't have to just blank him with an "ask daddy" suddenly!). What is better than a loving, present parent you can turn to when you need someone....? TWO of the above!

In theory, I totally agree. My only concern is how on earth to do this? Now, in the night, if DH even tries, DS cries and reaches for me. I cave every time. Maybe this is the whole problem, but we are trying to gently wean him, and I am probably hypersensitive to his emotions right now.

[RunningMomTegan]

I'm in the same boat, only mine is not night weaned and will still probably not be when LO arrives in July (he'll only be 26 mo). He has good nights and bad nights, but I comfort him back to sleep on average once per night.

My plan is to put the babe in an Arm's Reach and put DS in between DH and I. I'm planning on putting my back to DS to sleep. I'm working on that now. He used to somehow SENSE I had turned my back to him and freak out. But with time, he's been snuggling into my back and neck and I feel like I could still effectively nurse an infant. Nighttime diaper changes will be trickier, but as long as I can stay in bed, it should be fine. If I have to sit up to change the babe and DS needs comforting, DH will take care of that until I can lay back down.

[ellabellasmama]

I am in a similar situation. DD will be 34 mo when baby arrives in July. DD is waking and nursing at night plus she sleeps snuggled in my arm, and if I sleep with my back to her she wakes. She does not want my husband for comfort and he is hesitant anyway with this as he likes his sleep. I have a lot of fears about night-time parenting once baby arrives.

[dakotablue]

Originally Posted by mrsdocmartin

In theory, I totally agree. My only concern is how on earth to do this? Now, in the night, if DH even tries, DS cries and reaches for me. I cave every time. Maybe this is the whole problem, but we are trying to gently wean him, and I am probably hypersensitive to his emotions right now.

I think your exactly right. By caving you are reinforcing the idea that he needs you, not daddy. I don't envy your position with being pregnant. I don't know if I'd be able to control my emotions either.

[claddaghmom]

I've been wondering the same thing, and practicing at night to see what happens. For example, instead of instantly popping her on, I nudge DH and he rubs her back and cuddles her to sleep. I've also practiced sleeping with my back to her, which thankfully she doesn't seem to mind so long as she has one arm on me and one on DH.

I remember co-sleeping with my 6 and 8yo sisters b/c they were "scared of the dark" or some such nonsense, I was an easily convinced teen lol. Anyways, I ended up on my back with each kid on one arm lol. I often thought of my crucifix of sacrifice during those nights.

But two kids, one a tiny newborn, both nursing? I don't think I'm up for that. We'll see what happens.

[BarefootBetsy]

My oldest was only 20 months old when her sister was born and I slept between the two of them with dh on the other side of the new baby. I tandem-nursed and (somehow!) was able to nurse them both at the same time - this involved the older one hanging over my side while I nursed the baby lying down - which kept everyone pretty happy. Now (at 2.5 and 4 years old) they sleep next to each other - snuggled up in their bed - and I'm between our newest baby and my dh in the big bed. My middle dd usually ends up back in the big bed at some point during the early morning to nurse, but she's happy to start off with her big sister.

[bizzibee1]

My DS, 25 months is fully weaned as of Christmas, and will only sleep at night in with DH and I. DH and I have a system right now, he deals with our DD, 4, and I deal with DS. He can nap at the sitters alone, but won't sleep anywhere at night except our bed. I am expecting in June and have been wondering how this is going to work. We are thinkking of getting DS into a regular bed, he HATED the crib, next month and seeing how that will go. I must admit, he is a wonderful cuddler and sleeps really well snuggled next to Mommy. I will have LO in a bassinet beside me for as long as I can take it before I start to snuggle the new on too. I love snuggling my babies at night.

[silybum]

I am planning to be in a similar position at some point, likely to welcome a LO when DD is about 3 (nw 16m). I'm not sure how to handle it. Do I kick DD out for the first 4-6w? I have no plans to put her in her own room or wean, but have always heard its not safe to have a toddler in bed with a nb.

I'm hearing different from all you mamas, and am just wondering if you have any words of wisdom--whether about how to gently move DD into her own space for LO's safety, or how to safely bedshare.