Sudden daycare switch and visitation

[Halfasianmomma]

Hi mamas,
There's some internal politics going on at my super awesome home daycare. I don't know if this is in fact true, but I've been told by the primary caregiver than the owner is thinking of selling the daycare. I'm not sure if the owner is actually doing this or just saying it to get rid of the caregiver, because she cannot afford to pay her. Whatever the case may be, there's a chance that a) the primacy careworker will leave in a month or b) the entire daycare will be sold and may close.

Now the entire reason DD is at that daycare is the primary careworker, who is there every day from 8h00 to 14h00. She's an awesome motherly-type who loves children, cooks awesome healthy vegetarian food every day, and most of all, DD is very attached to her. I was going to suggest that I would follow her wherever she would work next, but she says she's thinking of opening her own daycare but in an area of the city that's too far for me to travel. I already drag DD across the city morning and night...

So, I'm thinking of trying to find DD a daycare that's more in my neck of the woods. The problem is STBX. He picks DD up from her current daycare 1 evening a week, takes her to his place, feeds her dinner and then I pick her up around 18h30. If I were to put DD in a daycare in the east end of the city, which would mean much less travel for DD, for me and my parents who pick her up 4 days a week for me, then STBX would have to travel by subway to pick DD up and then backtrack towards his place.

Needless to say, this lazy man would NOT be happy. We do not have anything legal in place now (legal proceedings are pending and he should be served soon).

WWYD?

I don't want to deny him access to DD, but he does live at the other end of the city from where we live right now, and I feel that I already impose a lot on my parents by asking them to pick DD up 4 nights week. I don't know how to find a closer daycare that DD will like AND that will make STBX happy...

[Goodmom2008]

Will the daycare close before you get temporary orders? If not, then start looking but don't make a change. Once you have temporary orders in place, inform your stbx that the daycare is closing and you have found this wonderful new place, which is closer for dd and will mean that she travels less each day. He may fight it, but I doubt he will be able to prevent it. But this is definitely something that you want to run by your attorney as s/he will be more familiar with the family law in your area.

[Halfasianmomma]

More developments

Ok, so I spoke with the primary care worker this morning and she said she'd just been given her 2 weeks' notice. Apparently, the person who's going to replace her is the owner's buddy or some immigrant lady that she can pay under the table. The story about the daycare closing may well have been b.s. just to get the morning care worker to leave. In any case, if she's not there, DD is going to have a really hard time of it. Also, I don't quite feel comfortable with some random person caring for my daughter and 5 other kids when I've never met her and don't even know if she's certified or not.

So, it seems that I may have to switch daycares before the temporary ruling goes into effect. Gotta call my lawyer again.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Oh yuck. I saw this yesterday and didn't have anything helpful to say. Your visitation arrangements are sticky and STBX sounds like a gem.

I've switched DS a couple of times so far and he's adjusted beautifully each time (9 weeks - 18 months; 18 months - 31 months; 31 months - present). In terms of your little one, I'm sure if you put her somewhere that feels safe, she'll do great. Hopefully you can do that without too much red tape. I definitely think I'd feel like switching after the staff changes you're describing.

Good luck!!!

[Hollycrand]

Good luck visiting the day care tomorrow!
It'd be cool if your dd ends up at the same day care as my dd!!

I look forward to hearing about the visit!!

[Halfasianmomma]

Another update

To make a long story short, I found a wonderful daycare (referred to me by Hollycrand!) and DD will be making the switch in a week or two.

My lawyer tells me that I do need to inform STBX of the switch, but that he doesn't really have a right to stop me, especially if I'll be making sure that he still has access to DD on Wednesday nights, which are his usual nights. I've discussed it with my folks and they've offered to drive DD half the way to STBX's place on Wednesday evenings, and I would pick DD up after her dinner. Also, since STBX only makes the trip to DD's current daycare once a week, while I do it 9 times a week, he doesn't have grounds to refuse, considering the new daycare is a better environment for DD.

So, I've drafted a letter to STBX; I just haven't sent it because I'm too nervous. If he does oppose the change, he'll have to do it legally, which probably means it'll take a long while, by which time status quo will have been established.

Ugh I hope this doesn't blow up in my face!

[Hollycrand]

Halfasianmomma,

YIPPEE! I am so glad it worked out for you at that daycare. I am very happy with it. The director even told me today they are applying to be a $7 a day garderie.....
Of course, knowing Quebec bureaucracy, Natacha will be in Maternelle before that's all sorted out.
I can't wait to hear your impressions. Email me tomorrow

[Smithie]

Unless your lawyer thinks that having your parents do that extra driving on Wednesdays will make your legal case stronger, I think you might want to leave that bit out. You sure as heck don't want to establish a long-term habit of doing extraordinary things to facilitate visitation - not because you want to deny access, but because you don't want to be a go-to person for your STBX's various difficulties. His transportation issues are Not Your Problem. None of his issues are your problem. You don't want to hear about it and you don't care. It's one of the beautiful things about divorce.

I don't know how this works in Canada, but in the US the "parenting plans" often state that if the child is not picked up by X hours, the visitation session is cancelled. This has been a huge plus for every woman I know with a flaky ex - when he calls with Sob Story #7,293 about how you should drop off the kids or he doesn't want to get them until tomorrow morning or his car broke down and they all need a ride or WHATEVER, the answer is "pick up by 6 p.m. or visitation is cancelled." Click. It's a really good feeling, I hear...