do you send your children to birthday parties when you don't know the family?

[K-Mom3]

My ds is in Kindergarten and over the school year has been invited to several birthday parties of new friends from school. I know that socially, this is a big deal and so I let him go. But I'm just not sure about sending him to a home he has never been to, to spend a few hours in the care of people I don't know.

I'm leaning towards talking to the parents ahead of time to kinda check things out but I'm not even sure what to say.

Can I have some input from more experienced parents? How do you handle this situation?

[EFmom]

I do. Usually I know one or two of the parents of other invited kids, and somebody knows the parents of the bd child. But I would let my kid go anyway to the party of a classmate. Around here, it is rare for a bd party to be held at home.

[philomom]

I call my other friends and find out who knows them. Usually, unless a family is very new to the area... someone in the school can vouch for them.

[LuckyMommaToo]

Yep, same as the PP. Kinda rare to have a party at home. But it's always fine for a parent to "hang" for 15 minutes if they'd like, and there's almost always someone I know who's had a playdate there or knows the family better.

I guess I feel like there's strength in numbers, as well. If there are 5-10 kids there, I don't really worry. Slumber parties or pool parties are the ones that I have issues with at age 6.
-e

[octobermom]

I have but then again shes is not left alone at a party.

Deanna

[*bejeweled*]

I always go with my DD. She's 7.

[cedoreilly]

If I don't know the parents ahead of time, I usually go and hang out for a little while and feel the situation out if it is a home party (which only happened once). At a "party place", I just drop since it is usually the place which is running the party anyways. At my twin's party last year, I put directly on the invite (which is what other parents in my DD's circle were also doing) that parents were welcome to stay or drop whatever was most comfortable for them and their child.

[K-Mom3]

Thanks for the responses.

Side track discussion....

Yes, most of the parties ds has gone to were not at a home. I thought that was kind of strange--most of the parties I went to as a kid were home parties. It seems kind of silly to me to spend hundreds of dollars on a party for a little kid. Do you think that safety is part of the reason people choose to have parties somewhere else? Will people think it is strange if I host a party at home? Ds's bday is in the summer, we'll probably have an outdoor party at our house.

[LuckyMommaToo]

Do you think that safety is part of the reason people choose to have parties somewhere else? Will people think it is strange if I host a party at home?

No and no. I think convenience is the main reason. People just don't want the hassle of having a party at home. But we definitely go to some of those, too. DS (6) likes seeing people's houses. You'll be fine.
-e

[SunshineJ]

DS is in first grade, DD is in kindy. A few weeks ago DS was invited to a "movie party" at a classmates house. We're in WI, and everyone had been pretty well stuck inside for a while, so the mom thought it would be a nice fun break for everyone that didn't cost a fortune. I hung around for about 10 min, more because DS was nervous. I was a little concerned, but I also will fully and completely admit that I tend to be on the overprotective side. Also, we moved from a much larger city area where caution was a good thing. Here where we are now, the people in the community are just really close knit overall and if someone is a concern it's just known I guess. I saw a few other parents who knew this family dropping their kids off without hesitation, and yeah, DS had a complete BLAST and everything was just fine.

Tonight one of DD's friends mom's invited me and my two out to Chuck E Cheese. At her son's recent birthday party he'd gotten gift cards there, and she was gracious enough to invite us (considering we are totally flat a** broke right now, it was really nice of her!). She had had her sons birthday party at an indoor play place and we were talking about it. She told him that was his last big party like that because it was just too expensive and was telling me how ridiculous she thought it was. The main reason she gave for not having it at her house was simply because she didn't feel they had adequate space for one, and her son's birthday being in winter pretty much ruled out having one at the park.

[velochic]

The school dd attends is a private language immersion school and since instruction is in the target language starting in Kindy, most of her friends started the preschool immersion program at about 3 or 4 years old.

For those first two preschool years, as we got to know the families, we stayed with her at parties (would have anyway at that age)... even once we got to know the parents pretty well.

By the time they got to Kindergarten, we knew each other pretty well, but I still stayed with her for all but her best friend's party (which was a small party with the few girls having a night out on the town with the mom).

Finally in 1st grade, I started letting her stay by herself. There is roughly a half-and-half mix of having the parties at home and at rec centers.

I don't think there is an age you should or should not. Go with your mommy instincts. If you don't feel right about it, stay or don't let them go.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by K-Mom3

Do you think that safety is part of the reason people choose to have parties somewhere else? Will people think it is strange if I host a party at home? Ds's bday is in the summer, we'll probably have an outdoor party at our house.

No, I don't think safety has anything to do with it. It's convenience. I started out having a few home parties. They were awesome parties, but a ton of work. They also weren't all that much cheaper for me than many of the other options, I discovered, after keeping track of how much I spent on the home party. They could be done more cheaply, but I wasn't doing it that way.

I, like many of the other parents in my children's classes, work out of the home full time, and all the preparation and cleanup time for the home parties just weren't worth it to me.

Some people do have home parties, and no, no one will think that it's strange at all.

[hakeber]

DS is in Kinder too, and yes we do go to parties where we don't know the families because that 's really the only way to get to know them. The adults always stay and chat together while the kids run all over the place, then there's food, then more play, the cake, then Pinata, then we all go home.

At this age I would NOT feel comfortable leaving him with adults I didn't know fairly well. Not so much for the safety factor, but because as a rather large four year old he can be an imposition.

[dbsam]

My children are five and have been invited to several parties this year - at homes and at 'party places'. I've stayed with them. In a previous thread on MDC most people said they dropped off at age five. I wasn't comfortable with that and was pleasantly surprised at the parties we attended most parents stayed. Usually the hostess said as we walked in...you are welcome to stay or drop off - whichever you are more comfortable.

[Alyantavid]

We haven't yet, but that's only because these parties always seem to conflict with something else we have going on.

I would, but I wouldn't drop him off and leave. He's almost 8 and I haven't dropped him off at a party yet.

[karemore]

DD has been to 3 recent parties for kids turning 5 and the parents stayed with the kids at all three parties. Whether they were close friends or school friends.

We recently went to a party for a girl turning 7. I emailed the mom to make sure it was OK for me to stay since DD isn't even 5 yet and I knew she would be uncomfortable at an unfamiliar house without me. Half the other moms stayed too and their kids were 7.

It would be considered odd here to drop off your 5 year old at a party. Drop offs seem to start around 7-8, and then it depends on the circumstances.

My issue with dropping off is that some people invite other adults to the party. Grandparents, family friends, uncles etc. Some people serve drinks to these other adults during the party. Some of these adults don't have kids or aren't that good with kids, etc. DD shouldn't have to deal with strangers on her own at this young an age.

Even if there are only the host parents and the children, the host parents are distracted. They can not keep close tabs on each child.

As for having the party at home, it's pretty much half and half here. Several kids in our circle were given the choice and they asked to have their party at home.

[mainemommy1]

when I was teaching grade school parents would call me and ask about the families regarding birthday parties their kids had been invited to

[Ellien C]

I did, but I didn't leave her at the home/place until she was ready. At that age some parents stayed and some left.