Another "private parts" question

[blizzard_babe]

DS is almost 22 months. We're pretty... middle-of-the-road, I think, when it comes to body exposure. We don't wander around the house naked (well, DS does, but DH and I don't ), but we don't shoo him out if we're changing or using the bathroom or getting into the shower.

We have friends who have a 16 month-old daughter. When they were visiting last, DS needed a new diaper. I usually just change him on the floor of his bedroom. Both DS and the girl were playing in his bedroom, and it never occurred to me to ask the girl's parents to come get her... I mean, they're babies! She was watching the process with great interest because... well... seeing someone else get their diaper changed has to be an interesting change in perspective for an only-child toddler.

The mother, however, seemed kind of scandalized by the whole thing. She said, "Daughter, give him some privacy! Don't be looking at his boy parts!" and kind of gave me a funny look for allowing it.

When she changed her daughter's diaper, she kind of shoo-ed DS away (which he was fine with... he just picked up a toy that the girl had been playing with and ran away, laughing mischievously) and told him not to be 'nosy.'

Am I waaaaaaay more hippie-liberal than I thought on this? Maybe I've been hanging out on MDC for so long I've forgotten that it's not normal for 11 month-olds to know the word "penis" (well, DS pronounced it "peace" or "piece" back then... it was funny either way you spelled it). Or am I closer to the norm and SHE is the one who's "out there?"

[sapphire_chan]

Your friends are strange, but now you know they have this issue and you can avoid changing your son in front of them. I wouldn't worry about it for anyone else, though.

And I've got quite mainstream inlaws and none of them cared if the little cousins watched each other's diaper changes. The only thing that would've bugged them would've been tiny hands in the poop, .

[mrscookie]

I agree, that's really weird. But I have a friend who was telling her 9 month old to give me and my son privacy when I was nursing him (even though there's not much to be seen since I was wearing a nursing top with a panel that lifts up and I'm pretty small-chested so you really can't even see anything at all unless he pops off.)
I thought that was strange.
Only way I get to shower is with my kid, which I don't even think twice about. I would not expect this to change for the next few years. Even then, I don't think I would freak out if he saw me changing and I don't think I would ever see it as an issue for him to see a baby being changed. That's just part of life

[laughymama]

She's the weirdo.

My DS and his 'best friend' who is a girl take baths together. He's almost 21 months and she's 27 months.

They typically don't even notice that they're different but sometimes she does look at his parts, look at hers and then gives me and her mom a look like, "What the heck is THAT?!"

In our families and circle of friends we just change him where ever and no one bats an eye, kids included. The younger kids are interested and usually want to help or ask questions or just point out that DS "Has a penis!"

As far as I've seen, you're the normal one in this situation.

[rightkindofme]

I wouldn't call her a weirdo, but I would say that she has a different perspective than you. It's ok that she has different boundaries. People get to do that.

But I'm way more like you.

[sarahn4639]

I agree, this is her issue. It's totally normal and healthy to see nudity, same or opposite sex as children, they are curious!

[kristencarder]

i don't think it has much to do with you being more "hippie-liberal"...i am way more AP than all of my friends and they are totally comfortable with changing same or opposite sex babies in front of each other. what does a one-year-old know about privacy, anyway?

[kcstar]

It might possibly be a class issue?

My parents would change my brothers diapers right there in the living room if need be. If we had guests we might ask if they minded. But in general, babies & toddlers have nothing to be ashamed of (and shouldn't!)

But I can remember a friend talking about a wedding she attended, and how scandalous it was that another family with a small child changed the child's diaper out in front of everyone.

I know in public or at events, I do usually TRY to find a restroom to go to, but that has more to do with wanting a place to wash my hands, and where diaper disposal isn't a huge issue.

[waiting2bemommy]

I wouldn't change my ds' pullup/underwear in front of a girl now, at 26 months, but that's because A) he has developed a fascination with vaginas so he might be apt to do something inappropriate and B) he is starting to get a little bit modest. And I do mean a LITTLE....he still runs around naked sometimes and thinks it's hilarious. But he gets very upset if you pull his pants down for any reason (I once did it at the park, to see if he had hurt his hip) around people. He will say, "I no let them see my penis" or something to that effect.


But if he wasn't so aware of it I wouldn't care. And I wouldn't shoo him away from someone else's diaper change.....I mean, he's about to have a baby sister, so hopefully seeing those frequent diaper changes will cure his fixation with people and their private parts .

[Red Pajama]

My boys just turned 5. They have a cousin who is 3.5, and their sister 2.5. For female friends and their cousin, we keep toilet behaviors private. I encourage them to "leave your brother alone" when either of them is on the toilet.

I guess by the time you're old enough to be sitting on the toilet, you're old enough to need (get) some privacy about the matter.

Diaper changes? wouldn't think of those as a private thing.

[tmwmommy]

Wow! I never thought of diaper changes as being so private. I personally don't see an issue with changing dd in front of little boys.

[blizzard_babe]

OK, I'm feeling more vindicated now.

In her defense, she and I are from very different parts of the country (Me: Liberal-ish Small-City College Town Rural Wisconsin, Her: VERY Rural Tennessee), though I'd probably say that "class" isn't an issue... her husband was my boss, but there's not a huge class difference between principals and teachers. She's a total sweetheart in a lot of ways; I can overlook some differences.

[ps4624]

I agree - that's a little odd!