More words, less crying?

[just_lily]

I am having a hard time phrasing my question. Please bear with me.

When did you child start to rely less on crying in order to get what they want?

I have a child in my home daycare who is nearly two, and still relies exclusively on crying (more like very loud wailing) in order to express her wants and needs. She is very, very loud so I am very ready for her to start outgrowing this, so I am just looking for other people's experiences.

I completely understand that it depends on the child, temperment, development, etc., and also what has worked for them in the past. I am just looking for a general idea.

For example, my when my 19mo wakes up from a nap she usually just yells "Mama!" or more recently "All done!" (too cute!). The daycare child screams and cries. If she doesn't get what she wants, she yells, something doesn't go her way, she yells, she has to put on her boots, she yells.

(And just as an FYI, she has been in my home since September and is completely adjusted to being here. She is exactly the same for her parents. Her language is probably about average and can say all of the usual things like "more, please, mine, no, all done" etc., and can say my name.)

So when did your child start to transition out of crying all the time for everything, to relying on other methods of communicating?

[sapphire_chan]

14 months? But she's going through a phase of screaming now (: that it's a phase )

Really, she did this before and came out of it with a dozen more words, so I'm guessing that she'll get through this and be further along in her talking.

Maybe the little girl you're watching is doing something similar? The list of words you gave don't include a lot of actual objects, and I know Lina's more likely to scream if she can't say exactly what she wants. Like she wanted some more chocolate today and had to sign "more" again and again. Of course it didn't help that I didn't want to give her the chocolate, but what was getting her frustrated was me offering her all these other things so she felt like I didn't understand her.

[blizzard_babe]

DS (21 1/2 mos), if he is really upset or especially emphatic about something, will still just wail, though he is quite verbal and has the words to express what he needs. In these situations, I ask him, "what do you need?" and he generally stops wailing and tells me. It almost seems like it's a relief for him when he remembers that he can just tell me what he wants. It's like he's too dramatic and in-the-moment to remember that he can, for example, just ask for more yogurt .

If he's so far into his drama-queen persona that he can't even ask for what he wants, I'll start giving him the language in question form... "Are you hungry?" "Oh, did the dog steal your cracker?" "Did you bump your head?" Again, once he knows that he's understood, the wailing generally stops. Sometimes, after I say the words, he'll even repeat it back.

DS is probably above average when it comes to his ability to communicate, but when he gets really upset, he reverts to wordless crying. He's getting better, and really seems to do well when I either remind him (by asking what's wrong or what he needs) that he can talk, or when I give him the language when he's too upset to access it himself.

FWIW, I had to do a different version of the same thing the same thing with some students when I was a classroom teacher (primary grades). Some kids get so caught up in their emotions that they forget that they can say, "I feel angry," or "I'm hungry," or "I feel embarrassed because I left my math book at home." Instead they'd lash out at other students, or at me, or would just retreat into angry silence. Asking them to write me a note about what was wrong, or just flat-out asking if they were angry and needed to take a break in the library corner sometimes helped for those who were so caught up in emotions they couldn't find (appropriate) words.

[just_lily]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

The list of words you gave don't include a lot of actual objects, and I know Lina's more likely to scream if she can't say exactly what she wants. Like she wanted some more chocolate today and had to sign "more" again and again. Of course it didn't help that I didn't want to give her the chocolate, but what was getting her frustrated was me offering her all these other things so she felt like I didn't understand her.

LOL, my DD does that too. She'll stand in front of me signing "more" and saying "Please! Please!" and I have no idea what she wants. It usually helps if I stand up and ask her to go show me what she is after. Too funny.

The daycare kiddo does have nouns, but they seem to mostly be clothes (boots, shoes, socks, etc.) for some reason. She also knows 'juice' but I am not sure if she has other food words.

I don't usually have a problem understanding what it is she wants, it is just getting somewhat old that it is *always* yelling. She is seriously the loudest cry-er I have ever heard.

[sapphire_chan]

Could you do vocab work with her? At worst it might entertain her and give you a break from the crying for a bit.

You understand what she wants, could you play stupid? "You want a dolly?" "You want a block?" "You want a toy car?" until she either says "ball!" or you can tell it's just making her frustrated. Maybe the next time she'd go right for "ball!" instead of "eeeeearrrrrrrgghhhH!!!!!!"

[rightkindofme]

My daughter is looking like she is gifted, but that sort of labeling isn't all that useful at this age. She is 21 months and she knows into the thousands of words. She can bloody well communicate. Sometimes she still does this wordless crying. If I can get her to calm down she can always tell me what she wants in a complex, grammatically correct sentence... it's that she just can't deal with the emotions yet. So yeah... I have no light at the end of the tunnel for you. I spend a lot of time praying every day that this stage ends soon. I'm pregnant and I just don't have the patience for this .