DD age 7 trying on a negative attitude

[of2mindsmama]

hi everyone,
my DD age 7, unschooled at home, plays a lot with the kids across the street, boy age 8 and girl age 6, and i've been happy because they seem like lovely kids.
lately though i noticed that boy age 8 has been sort of surly, and my DD has been bringing home a lot of his snarky negativity and tough-talk. for a couple days she would gratuitously insert downer statements in response to everything i said, it was driving me nuts.
me: thanks for reading to DD2, that was lovely.
her: well, i didn't have anything better to do.
me: how about toast with lox for breakfast?
her: nah, that's not my favorite.
her: boy age 8 said, "goodbye asshole!" when we came home. that's funny!
me: oh.
well, now that i write those, it seems like fairly innocuous stuff, maybe i am just over-reacting. we talk a lot in our house about speaking kindly, having a positive attitude, looking for solutions we can all live with if we disagree, working together as a team. over an entire day, she is spouting a lot of negative energy, and i'm not sure how to deal with it. should i just let it run its course, and say as little as i can?
my DH is inclined to be more heavy-handed, limit her time with them or tell her if she can't stop imitating that she'll see less of them. i feel like she's just learning their lingo, but is the same happy girl, and that it'll pass in time. but it is driving me nuts to be spoken to all day in this dismissive way.
all advice welcome!
thanks!

[bnhmama]

I don't have much in the way of advice but I wanted to share that my 7 year old is trying on the same type of attitude lately. It's very frustrating. No matter WHAT I say, his response seems to be formulated specifically to evoke a response from me. He's suddenly speaking rudely/meanly to me and even did the whole "I hate you" thing last weekend. This is definitely not his normal demeanor. We've been trying to ignore what we can and not respond too much to the other stuff that just seems to be said simply to get a rise out of us.

When he's intentionally hurtful or disrespectful, though, I say very clearly that it is NOT okay to speak to people like that and then I walk away until he's ready to act appropriately.

We're kind of in the throws of this so who knows if these strategies will help. It's just what we're trying.

[MamaHappy]

Hmmm...I'm not sure I would just let this go unchecked. My conversation would probably go something like this:

You: Thank you for reading to DD2, that was lovely.
Her: Well, I didn't have anything better to do.
You: Honey, that sounds disrespectful when you say it like that. It sounds nicer when you say "you're welcome" (or whatever you think she should say).

Her: Boy age 8 said "goodbye asshole!" When we came home. Funny!
You: That is not a nice word for him to say! I hope you don't talk like that (or something along those lines).

I would be very clear that it's not okay for her to talk to you (or anyone else for that matter) in a disrespetful way.

And I think I would have a casual little chat with her at some point about how friends will have good qualities and sometimes bad qualities...it's important to not copy the bad, etc.

[jillmamma]

I think some of this is the age, where they are testing boundaries, as in, hmmm, what can I get away with saying? DS is 7 and doing some of the same things...constantly questioning what I ask him to do, and "talking back" like that. I try to be patient and answer his questions and explain how what he says can be seen as talking back, but sometimes I just get frustrated. He is autism spectrum too, so some of it I believe he genuinely does not understand it can be perceived as rude.

[of2mindsmama]

thanks

thanks all for your thoughts.
i guess i forgot to mention that the reason i'm confused about nipping it in the bud, which is my instinctive response, MamaHappy, is that it's gotten to the point where every time DD opens her mouth she's getting a negative or corrective response. yuck! so here i am responding to all her negativity with MORE negativity? and i know she feels it. she's said to me, i can't do anything right. i don't want her to feel that way.
so if anyone out there has an older child that's been through this, please let me know if it passes, what you did to help the child gain awareness and forethought BEFORE opening her mouth. that's what i've tried to tell her, that her friends often speak in ways that are really dismissive and alienating ("pushing away" vs. "welcoming" and "listening"), and that we all have times we speak that way, but to be aware of the response we're likely to get when we use that tone, vs a more loving tone. because i don't want her to feel shame that she's bad. the truth is we all have moments when we speak rudely. but all we can hope for is that we're aware in that moment of a choice to do so, that we're not doing it reflexively?
so i think i am focusing on helping her develop that awareness that it is a choice, and not just get into a habit of talking rudely, which is really the fear that i and DH have, that she gains a really bad habit in the way she sees and responds to everything...
any thoughts?
thanks again, all.

[Cascadian]

Subbing. It's good to know this is a phase. My 6 yr old is all about the surly and negative attitude. God, it's like she's a teenager. I think it is boundary testing.