Would we be able to adopt?

[lovbeingamommy]

ok, I never posted in this forum before and posting this is really hard to do, but I need to find out if adoption is possible for us.

I've skimmed information on adoption recently and am becoming very concered about our ability to adopt. First off, I just turned 45 and dh is 44. So are we too old ?

Does it disqualify you if one parent has a criminal record? If it does, do they look at the type of charge it was and take it on a case by case basis? Does it matter if the charge was expunged?

Lastly, after I had ds in '05 I had ppd and ended up in a behavioral health center for 5 days. I've gone to a psychiatrist, counselor, and psychologist and now it is controlled with medication and I'm not having any more problems.

We so much want another baby and evern though we're currently ttc, with my age I'm starting to think it might not happen. Other than what I listed above we're a pretty normal family with one 4yo ds. TIA - Kate

[RedOakMomma]

Hi Kate. What kind of adoption are you interested in? International? Domestic with an agency? Foster-Adopt? Private domestic?

[lovbeingamommy]

It would be international adoption

[someonenamedleah]

Kate,

We adopted domestically, so none if this may apply to you but I thought I'd respond just to give you a little hope...

When we started the adoption process, DH was 44 and it was not a problem at all. He also had a criminal record... for something stupid many years ago that was supposed to be removed from his record but wasn't so it still came up on the FBI clearance. It wasn't a violent crime, or child, drug alcohol related. We told our SW about when we started the process and it was a non-issue.

I really think that for international adoption things can vary greatly from one country to the next. Are you definitely "set" on international??? We were a little afraid of the whole domestic adoption process/ open adoption thing when we started, but the more we researched the more comfortable we became with it. And in the end, we had a great experience!!!! Hope this helps a bit!!!

[EFmom]

Every country sets its own standards about parental ages. In addition, agencies may have policies about it as well. Do you have your heart set on an infant? Your age will be an issue for some programs for infant adoption, but if you are open to an older child you could qualify. Some programs have limits of something, for example, of "no more than 40 years difference between the oldest parent" and the child.

I would start looking at some agency websites that have many country programs. Some of the established agencies that come to mind are WACAP, Wide Horizons for Children, Holt International, and Adoption Advocates International. I'm not endorsing any of these specifically--they are just well established agencies with international programs where you could get an idea of requirements.

The criminal record and the medical history are going to be something you'd need to talk to the agency people about. Having any criminal record (even something you think is sealed) will surface during the homestudy and immigration clearance. You must be honest and upfront. It will absolutely prohibit you from certain countries, but may not from others.

[RedOakMomma]

Yup...what EFMom said.

The most important thing is to be upfront about all of these things. We had a few hits against us (marriage counseling, for example) but we brought it up before the social worker did. Our first calls were about our interest in adopting, but once we were able to talk one-on-one with someone, we brought up our concerns about qualifying. In one program, we were turned down for being too young and not making enough money (China). You have to learn to bounce back and not take it against you...even the nicest families won't qualify for some programs, just because of certain rules.

And yes...in your mid-40s, you may want to start thinking about adopting a toddler internationally. There may be some programs out there that will allow you to adopt an infant (who, really, is going to be almost a year old anyway), but I know some of the bigger ones have cut-offs that are somewhere in the early 40s.

A friend's sister is adopting from Korea. They are in their mid-40s, I believe, and are waiting on the referral of a 2-year old. When we adopted dd from Korea, the couple traveling home with us was older and was also adopting a 2-year old. You might also be interested in adopting a child with minor or correctable special needs.

Oh, and FYI, make sure that you know what are COUNTRY requirements and what are AGENCY requirements. Some countries may even have STATE or PROVINCE requirements. I know for countries like Korea and India, a lot can vary depending on the agency, program, or province.