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Major traumatic stress during second trimester

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I am going through a very, VERY rough time right now....my head is spinning. How will this all affect my growing little girl?

My daddy passed away suddenly last Friday from a massive heart attack at only 52 yrs old. We are heartbroken. The service was yesterday, and my stomach is still in knots. I have never felt so much pain in my life.
Now, everything is changing. My mom will have to sell their home without his income. So to save HIS home and his memories here, dh and I have decided last night that we are moving in here to take over the payments and help my mom. I have 3 months left before we bring home a new baby, and in order to get us here, there is SOOOO much that needs to be done. So much. The stress is hurting so bad, and I am so afraid it's going to hurt our baby. We are currently living in a rental which is all baby ready(clean and perfect!), and now we have to hurry and help prepare this older(but bigger) home to make it livable for us. To top all that off, dh lost his job a month ago and he is still looking. talk about stress.
post #2 of 11
DDCC

It will be okay for you and FINE for your little girl, as long as you take care of yourself. Make yourself drink water. Make sure you sleep each night. Keep track of those essentials and it will be okay. Your job, other than taking care of yourself, is to keep your baby's growing environment healthy. At this stage, that's simple. Just make sure she has the fluid, nutrition, and physically healthy mama she needs.

My son (3 at the time) went through two brain surgeries in the second trimester of Ds3. It was very stressful. Traumatic, actually. But really...ds3 is a perfect, happy, joyful little child. The stress and pain of that time didn't affect him at all.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my mom when she was 57 (an accident...so sudden) and I remember the pain of those first months. It will be okay. It really will.
post #3 of 11
Don't worry, the pain you are feeling will not affect your daughter. Please try to find the support you need to heal, grieve, and move your household. Now is not the time to take everything on. Be sure to take care of yourself and do something good for yourself every day.

As I mentioned before, I also lost my father suddenly and I would be happy to provide some virtual support if you don't have anyone to talk to IRL. Feel free to PM me.
post #4 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by juleslane View Post
I am going through a very, VERY rough time right now....my head is spinning. How will this all affect my growing little girl?

My daddy passed away suddenly last Friday from a massive heart attack at only 52 yrs old. We are heartbroken. The service was yesterday, and my stomach is still in knots. I have never felt so much pain in my life.
Now, everything is changing. My mom will have to sell their home without his income. So to save HIS home and his memories here, dh and I have decided last night that we are moving in here to take over the payments and help my mom. I have 3 months left before we bring home a new baby, and in order to get us here, there is SOOOO much that needs to be done. So much. The stress is hurting so bad, and I am so afraid it's going to hurt our baby. We are currently living in a rental which is all baby ready(clean and perfect!), and now we have to hurry and help prepare this older(but bigger) home to make it livable for us. To top all that off, dh lost his job a month ago and he is still looking. talk about stress.
Hugs! Everything will be okay, you're not due for MONTHS! Even though it seems like June is right around the corner you have PLENTY of time to get the house in tip top shape by the time baby comes. Take care of yourself and try to outsource some of the work and stress. If you can afford it, hire people to help you move or help you clean. Ask your mom to help out watching your kids so that you can get some extra rest. Try to carve out some extra time for yourself everyday by taking a walk to clear your find.
post #5 of 11
Baby will be fine - do your best to be gentle with yourself! Just try to take it one step at a time instead of looking at the (overwhelming) big picture. Right now, your main job is to grieve. I'm so sorry that you are facing so much stress right now, and I hope that some of the stresses (like your dh's job search) ease soon.
post #6 of 11
Babies are tough. I've learned that from my miracle baby three times already. I also know it helps to ask for support physically and emotionally. Asking can be so difficult and humbling, but I know I love to help others, and I know they're genuine when they say they feel the same way. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but you're going to get through it.
post #7 of 11
I JUST had a talk about this with my midwife last week due to some recent losses in my own life. Of course I'm fuzzy on her exact words since I was probably in tears at the time, but she said that babies who experience stress in utero can show an increased ability to deal with stress later on.

You won't hurt your baby. Just only do what you can do and leave the rest. I know it's hard, but just walk away from the things you can't handle. Might be good to talk to a grief counselor as well, I'm thinking of giving that a shot myself.

Good luck to you and your family.
post #8 of 11
DDCC ... I'm so sorry to hear about your father. How devastating for you and your family.

Have you heard about or tried Rescue Remedy? My midwives said it was safe for pregnancy. It is a natural calming remedy, and is non-addictive. It also come in a Sleep Spray.
You can find it at most health food stores. It might help settle your thoughts and bring your heart back to a calmer place. And the Sleep Spray might help you settle down for a more restful night.

Again, I am so sorry for your lost.

ETA: I worried about the affects of trauma during my pregnancy due to my work as a paramedic. I had some exceptionally difficult calls while I was pregnant, and my midwives assured me that the baby was her own creature, and would be fine. And she's a mellow, happy kid, despite some of the horrific things I saw and processed while pregnant with her.
post #9 of 11
I'm sorry about your loss. It will be hard believe me I do i know i lost my stepbrother who i was really close to and then got pregnant right afterwards i was still grieving when i was preg with my oldest and she is very happy and healthy now. i was in a car accident when i was pregnant with my youngest and she thinks she is hercules.lol. You should just try to relax. it is hard believe me i know but try taking an hour a day and just droping everything and lay on the couch and watch some tv or grab a bowl of ice cream or something relaxing or even reading a book would help.
post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thank you for the replies everyone.. it helps to be re-assured baby will be ok, even if I am not. I am not sure what to do with all this, my life is out of control. I know it's going to get worse before it ever gets better. I still can't believe everything is happening like this. I am waiting to wake up.
post #11 of 11
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Whatever you need to break it down to.

I'm having a baby in a stressful time, and I was born in a stressful time. What affected me was not the stress while still inside - it was that it continued for so long afterwards that the maternal bonding didn't really happen until I was two. So that's what I'm concentrating on - every day, I talk to my baby. And when she's here, every day, I'll hold and cuddle her. We can survive the stress, one bit at a time.

What helps me get through is knowing that this is survival mode. I MUST sleep and eat. Anything else is a bonus. There's a lot to get done, and I do what I can. I ask others to do what they can. But at the end of the day, I HAVE to survive.
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