3 day old - how can we help him?

[JenBuckyfan]

So we came home from the hospital yesterday. It's been a long week (background info, not sure if it'll help) - water broke at 9:30pm on the 13th, started contractions last Sunday 5am on the 14th, went to the hospital at 3am on the 15th, had a really tough time laboring: after 12 hours I finally dilated from 4 to 5 cm and then we tried pitocin to speed up the contractions that were 6-8 minutes apart - after 3 hours I gained another cm; baby wouldn't turn anterior and eventually started causing serious back labor. I gave up on trying to manage the pain (at this point had no sleep for 36 hours) and received an epidural. This allowed me to dilate to 7 cm. After 5 more hours I was still only at an 8. The baby's head was stuck at -1 station the entire time and was swelling. My midwife had consulted with an OB and they decided that a c-section was the way to go at this point since he wasn't descending and it had been 50+ hours since my water broke and the baby's heartbeat was finally starting to show some signs of distress. Obviously, this is so far from my birth plan... still haven't been able to process what happened. So, had a c-section and had my baby skin to skin about a half hour after birth. We were nursing almost right after that (except my nipples are a little flat so I started out using a nipple shield - I don't use it anymore and wouldn't have at all looking back but I didn't know at the time). No circ though we did decide to have Vit K shot.

Lucas slept a lot while at the hospital (rooming in). So much so that we were having to work really hard to keep him awake to feed. Hence, I'm pumping now for about 10 min after daytime feedings and supplementing with the syringe during his next feedings to try to maintain his weight (he lost 8% while at the hospital) for our appt. tomorrow morning.

He's been feeding ok overall. After nursing he'll usually be really sleepy. Out of nowhere he'll start to cry. We'll try everything we can think ofto calm him down. Something will work and then all of a sudden it won't and then sometimes it'll go back to working (swaddling, walking around, bouncing, massaging, shh'ing, changing holding positions, skin to skin, humming against adam's apple, etc). Are we missing something or are newborns this unconsolable? We're thinking maybe his digestive system is still figuring out what to do? He is pooping and peeing some. Last night I ended up sitting upright in bed all night and would nurse and then just hold the baby in my arms since he would stay asleep and quiet. I don't mind doing this but itr can't be the only answer and it doesn't keep him calm all the time. Today is the first day we'll be home so we'll see how he is during the day.

DH has been able to sleep some sine Sunday (12 hours or so); I've had only. We are loving this baby but we are exhuasted. I'm trying to recover and on Percocet and Ibuprofen. My hormones are going into overdrive and I cry at the drop of a pin because of everything that has happened (incl. the positive fact that we have been waiting for this birth for over 32 months). Is there any advice on what we can do to figure out why he is having troubles and is inconsolable? Anything else we can try? My mom is flying in this afternoon to help us out for the next three weeks so we'll have an experienced nurser in the house.

Help us, please!!! Thanks in advance! We have a post-pardum appt with a nurse tomorrow, but there's a lot more people to ask here...

[Kelly1101]

Newborns do sometimes cry and there is nothing you can do. I remember how frustrating and heartbreaking it is.

Keep in mind that the baby has just been through a lot, too (they always have, whether it's vaginal or c-section). He is in a bright cold new world, and he's going to be a bit upset. You sound like you're already doing a lot of the best ways to soothe him (swaddling, walking... if bouncing isn't working, have your husband try a more "swaying, rocking" side to side motion, that worked with our baby pretty well). Holding the baby in a rocker or glider and rocking sometimes works. If he's exclusively fed breastmilk, his digestive system will figure things out quickly.

As far as your experience last night, no, usually it doesn't always have to be like that. With us, we did end up co-sleeping and it was very easy once we got the hang of it-- the baby would sleep right next to me as I slept on my side facing her, and when she was hungry I could just pull out a boob and let her nurse back to sleep. Being close to me helped her sleep better, and I could get some sleep, too-- we only got out of bed to change diapers or if nursing didn't soothe her.

At three days old, there is not much more you can do. Feed him, change him, hold him-- rock, swaddle, sing. Sometimes it's not going to work and he's just going to cry. If you end up getting stressed out (and don't feel bad if you do, we all go through it), hand him to your husband and take a 15 minute break. But the baby crying doesn't mean that you're not doing it right-- sometimes a newborn just cries because he's mad that he's not in the womb anymore. Something that worked for me in the beginning, when nothing else did, would be to dim the lights, lay down on my back, lay the baby on my chest tummy-to-tummy, put the blanket over us (up to the middle of her back), and just hold her there and hum and breathe. It kind of simulates the womb and would calm her to feel my heartbeat and my breathing and smell me.

You also need to take care of yourself. Recovering from birth can be hard, especially if it's a c-section. Let your mom help, and don't feel bad about it because all of us need help with our first baby right after they are born. In a few weeks, you'll be so much more comfortable and all of this will come natural. Make sure you are eating and drinking enough (especially since you're breastfeeding), and make sure that your husband is aware that you're going to need some time every day to sleep and to shower/brush your teeth/brush your hair (it's hard to focus on yourself like that at first, but you will feel better for it and be a better mom).


Good luck. It DOES get easier. Take it easy the next few weeks.

[Llyra]

My kids as brand-new newborns all basically spent their days feeding, sleeping, and crying. They cry a lot, and even though I'd been through it with DD1, I was still surprised the second time around. I'd forgotten how hard it can be. FWIW, I had c-sections too, and can say that the c-section birth experience is very hard on babies. All of mine had a hard time as newborns. The big scary world is overwhelming at first, and more so if you've entered it in such a traumatic way.

The peak of fussy crying happens at around 6 weeks, and for most babies declines pretty quickly after that.

Do you have the book The Happiest Baby on the Block? It's a very gentle, wise set of ideas and observations. I found it very helpful. The video is good, too. If you have a way to get hold of it, I highly recommend it.

What can help a lot is to remember what the womb environment was like for baby, and try to recreate that as much as you can. Tight swaddling, lots of motion, keeping baby on your body or in your arms almost all the time, lots of bundled skin-to-skin contact, lots of nursing. My kids at that age nursed almost constantly, all day and night. If you can make side-lying nursing work at this stage, it can help a lot. I know it saved me after I had my twins. But if that's too painful right now for you, it might be a good goal to work towards.

Staying calm, when you can manage it, really helps baby, too. When baby is feeling out of control, baby needs to know that you, the all-wise mama, have it all under control. (Even when you KNOW for sure you don't! ) It helps them feel safe. If baby cries and nothing you're doing helps, just hold baby and talk quietly to baby. Tell baby you understand how upsetting it is, and how terrible he feels, and that you love him and want to help, and even if he still needs to give voice to his discomfort, he'll know you're there.

If the weather where you are allows it at all, taking baby out into the fresh air can be just the thing when baby's miserable. Bundle baby up, put baby's hat on, put baby in a carrier, and button your coat (or your partner's, if you're not on your feet yet) right over the carrier, and take a nice steady brisk walk for awhile. This is especially nice in the evenings. Putting baby in a carrier and dancing to music can help a lot, too-- don't worry about using hushed music and dancing gently. Babies are used to being jostled and bounced all day, and the womb environment is a very noisy one. Put on some good music, something you really like, turn the volume up a bit, and get your partner (or you, if you feel up to it) to hold baby in a carrier and dance for awhile.

Is baby peeing and pooping? Is your milk well in yet? 8% weight loss is completely normal and expected, especially after a section. Babies born by c-section often have an inflated birthweight, because often they give mamas IV fluids, and the baby comes out full of fluids. So the weight loss looks like more than it is. Don't let it worry you, and I really wouldn't fuss with the pump and the syringe over such a small weight loss. It just seems like one more thing to take up the time you could be spending nursing and resting. Babies this age will usually be most content with the breast in their mouth almost constantly, and that's the best way to encourage a good milk supply.

And the hormonal changes and the enormous adjustment and the physical stress you're under can often make for some pretty dramatic mood swings for you. Be patient with yourself. You're doing a terrific job, it sounds like to me. The crying doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong at all. Babies this age are fussy and often inconsolable. And please, if it starts to become overwhelming, it can help a lot to reach out to somebody-- a postpartum nurse, your doctor, your baby's doctor, a doula, your midwife-- and have a nice talk about postpartum depression and its signs.

[Mamabeakley]

B/c of the swelling & c/s birth, craniosacral therapy could be really helpful for your LO. But I also agree w/pp that you're already doing everything right.

[claras_mom]

I agree that the pumping and syringe thing is probably more stress than you need right now. If I were in your position--and I have been; twice--I would find the most comfortable spot I could and snuggle down with the baby. With dd1, I do remember that being propped up in a comfortable chair (recliner usually) was often most comfortable for me and the baby. A folded blanket or pillow on the lap makes it more comfortable on the incision area. I've lost count of the number of pictures we have of the two of us, at the newborn stage, with me on the couch or a chair, baby snuggled on my chest, blanket over us both.

I do remember that the first night at home was pretty rough, with both girls. Something about yet another change in the environment set them off. And my sister experienced it too, with her daughter.

You're doing fine. You've got your mom coming, which is fantastic. Don't be afraid to let your dh know what you need.

[tanyam926]

Just wanted to tell you that it will probably resolve on it's own.

For some reason I could never figure out my ds2 and ds3 both did the crying for no reason that I could figure out for the first few days. It was mostly at night. By the time they were a wk old it had stopped. So there's hope, just hang in there!

[JayJay]

I'm with Kelly on the co-sleeping! Co-sleeping is where it's at, mama!

If you find it more reassuring, try using a sleep positioner - you can get them for $10-$20 at WalMart or Target (or wherever) and they will support your little one in whatever position. For us, it's side lying facing one another like Kelly mentioned. Sometimes I will take her and pop her in the crook of my arm, out of the positioner, as I've become more used to sleeping that way. Flop out the boob over a receiving blanket, and then it's right there when little one wants to suck.

He's three days old, so your milk is probably just coming in. The cluster nursing will subside for the most part in the next few days, as he begins to get more and more milk with each feeding and he'll then sleep through for an hour or two, giving you chance to rest.

With the co-sleeping, be prepared for a couple of nights of dozing but not completely sleeping as your body becomes used to it. Also, don't (not that you would I expect!) have a bunch to drink and co-sleep! But in all, your body will respond to your infant and you won't roll on him. I was worried about that but it's not likely to happen. Soon, you'll be off the Percocet and feeling much better as well, I expect.

Thing is, when we first bring babies home (as first time mamas), we often expect things to be a certain way and try to make them "do as they should" and sleep where we think they ought to. But in reality they've been inside us for nine months, and don't particularly like being alone - it's probably really scary for them! For gosh, a good couple of weeks after Bella was born, she'd have dreams in her sleep in which she'd panic and hyperventilate and look extremely scared: I think that was the newborn exam! But now, she sleeps much more peacefully by herself in the big bed or her swing, while I run about in the daytime doing stuff, and then with me at night time.

It's very tiring, the first few days - but, it does get much better: both of you will adapt!

XxXxX

[akind1]

when our LO was fussy at first, it was usually gas - I missed if any of the other wise mamas mentioned this, I was reading fast - have you tried some gripe water or gas drops of some sort? this usually helped us alot (that and all the moving around you are doing may help baby work that gas out)

The only times DS is inconsolable now are usually gas related, if not that, then he needs swaddling; now at 3 months, I swaddle with one arm out, so he doesn't get mad that he can't move, yet is comforted by the swaddle.

I agree, co-sleeping is great! the first couple days we spent on the couch. then once we were more or less into a routine, we went to bed to sleep at night.

HTH! and remember, take one day at a time, there is no rush, just take care of you, and that will help you take care of the baby -

[voxana]

Here's a thought: Have you tried persistently burping him when he cries after a feeding?

When my ds was a newborn, he would get a burp that was hard to get out and would scream. My husband figured out that he needed to be burped and would sometimes keep at burping him for 10 or 15 minutes! Once ds finally burped he would calm down right away and go to sleep.

I also recommend Happiest Baby on the Block.

[batsister]

First, congratulations on the birth of your son!

Generally, I want to echo the previous posters saying that it sounds like you are doing the right things. My son's first night at home was really rough, too, and the first few days he squawked practically every time you moved him/shifted him/etc., but he grew out of that quickly. The first bit can be difficult, but just keep doing what you are doing-- holding, walking, skin-to-skin, lots of nursing, wear him in a sling/wrap (or have his dad (or your mom) do it, since you are recovering from your C-section), and it will likely get better soon.

Good luck!

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

The first few nights are definitely the roughest. It gets better, I promise.

Your birth story is a lot like mine (tried for 23 months, attempted homebirth, transferred after 34 hours, labored at hospital for 6 hours, c-section due to face/brow presentation) and it's a lot to deal with. You're exhausted, in pain, recovering from trauma, and here's this inconsolable little creature who you care about more than anything in the world.

He might have some gas after nursing, and I second the recommendation to keep up with burping. Otherwise, just know that newborns cry. A lot. For no apparent reason. There's nothing you can do but wait it out. It's really really hard, but by 12 weeks it should be better.

[Just1More]

Wow...lots of amazing advice here. Right on, Mamas.

It sounds like it is too early for this as your milk is just coming in, but I wanted throw out food allergies. Ds was born early on a Tuesday morning, my milk was in that night, and by Thursday night he was a screaming, colicky mess. That lasted until we figured out I could absolutely not eat any wheat whatsoever. He still can't have it (and he's almost 3). By the 4th day of me not eating any at all, he stopped screaming. Each day was progressively better, but by the 4th day (any time we trialed it), he would be a calm baby. The change was amazing.

A similar problem (but more easily remedied, and short-lived) is a hind and fore milk imbalance. Ds and I also struggled with this. Some people have more of the sugary foremilk than the baby really needs. This can be especially true in the early days of engorgement. He fills up on the foremilk, but because it lacks the fat content of the hindmilk, and is sugary, he gets a bit of a belly ache and is soon hungry. If you nurse (still on demand) only on one side for about 4 hours, it can help even out what he is getting. As he continues to nurse on that one side, he will work his way through the foremilk and start getting the richer, fattier hindmilk. After about 4 hours, switch to the other side and offer it each time he wants to nurse. My newborns nurse at least once an hour. You can also pump off a bit of the foremilk before he even starts to nurse. Getting plenty of hindmilk will also encourage weight gain. But, careful not to pump off too much milk before letting him nurse! You will increase your supply, but be giving him less.

And I agree...burp, burp, burp. If he's wanting a lot of jiggling it could be the motion moves around the bubbles and helps him feel better. Ds wanted to be bounced SO hard and vigorous. It kinda concerned me, honestly. I guess his belly just hurt that bad. You can google different methods of burping and maybe be able to find one that works well for you. It sounds really weird, but we used to tip ds way back, and then way forward. It seemed to sort of rock the bubbles out.

He was a tough one, for sure. But...he's about the sweetest nearly 3 year old I've ever met. . Hang in there. It's worth it.

[Just1More]

Oh! I thought of two things that worked wonders with ds. He loved for us to swing him on our porch swing. High. He did NOT want cuddled at all, so we would let him sit on our leg with our arm around him and him facing out. As long as we'd swing he'd be content. He didn't want to swing in a baby swing alone, but he'd be happy out there.

The other thing we would do is hold him on our arm, facing out, (or sometimes over our shoulder) and bounce on our small trampoline in the house. (One of the less than 3' around kind.) Our feet never actually left the trampline, but he would really calm to that AND it helped me not be so worn out.

Some babies don't want cuddled and gentled, so you may want to try that out, too. He may want a firmer touch.

[lach]

Both of my kids needed to sleep upright for the first week or so. It was a PITA and it seemed like it would never end... but it did. Do you have a nice recliner or glider you can sleep in with your feet up? And yes, it does end.

Sometimes babies cry, and there's nothing you can do about it. It can be really hard to hear, especially as you're frantically trying to do everything the books tell you. And it sounds like you have it all down and are doing a great job. It sounds like you're familiar with Happiest Baby on the Block, and i have to say that's a GREAT book. Amazing. Possibly life saving.

Congratulations on your baby!

Oh, newborns love to hear your voice. They recognize it from when they were inside your womb! Sing away It calmed both my babies down a bit. If you're a little rusty, go to the library (or send someone else to the library) to find some CDs of children's songs. You'll be amazed at how they all come back to you after a listen. The best song EVER is "the wheels on the bus." You can drag that baby out for as long as you can think of people, animals, objects, and basically anything that makes a noise!

[herent]

Happiest Baby on the Block definately! I didn't read the book I was able to borrow a DVD, which was helpful I didn't have time to read, my little guy cried so much, my youngest son was also a c section baby and lost lots of weight at first. Happiest baby on the block kinda empowered me, it gave me that little boost to know I did have what it takes to settle him down. They thought he had reflux, we tried the baby reflux medicine it didn't work, it did start to calm down after 6 weeks though, and we co slept as well, much more restful for mommy. It will get better, you can do it, give yourself a few more days to get hormones evened out and your incision feeling better. My son always seemed to sleep alot during the day and get fussier at night, so have your mom watch him during the day while you nap. Good luck!

[kkd]

Hang in there mom!

Congratulations! I clicked on your profile just to check and see if you had any posts about baby's arrival!

Whew- we went through the ringer with our DD - a new problem every other day, or so it seemed. Glad to see that your mom is coming in to help - but if you'd like a visit please let me know. I'd be glad to come over and share what we tried with DD and help however I can. We had a lactation consultant come to the house and she was great, so if you need a referral, let me know. I also take DD to a chiro in North Bend, so if you want to give that a try, can also pass along her info as well.

Those first weeks are tough when baby is unhappy and you don't know what to do- and you are in physical discomfort and so unbelievably tired- been there, done that! I broke my tail bone in labor, and couldn't even sit up for a few months, so had a really challenging time- sobbed every single day for weeks. So- if you need any encouragement and sympathetic ear, please don't hesistate to contact me for whatever you need.

Things WILL get better, it just takes time. I had to tell myself that so many times- hang in there!

[pacificbliss]

Congratulations! There is lots of great advice here. It just sounds like life with a 3 day old to me. It takes a while to get to know this new person now that he's outside and it will take him a while to adjust to the new surroundings. I also cried at the drop of hat for a while post partum. I told my DH that I was just so full of love it was coming out my eyes.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Do you have the book The Happiest Baby on the Block? It's a very gentle, wise set of ideas and observations. I found it very helpful. The video is good, too. If you have a way to get hold of it, I highly recommend it.

This book SAVED my sanity...by week two I hadn't slept for more than 3 hours in a day and I was besides myself...and I was co-sleeping.

The moment we got all the elements together (ALL TOGETHER WAS THE KEY)
He slept like a angel, 2-3 hours turned into 5-6 and by 2 months he was sleeping for 8-10 solid hours at night and a good 5 hours of naps/snoozingby day. SAVED me. And he was Soooo happy!

We started it right away with dd and 5 weeks in she has never had problems sleeping and if she cries at all (the number of times I can count on one hand), 99% sure she is gassy or startled or her brother just pinched/poked her. We have to do all 5 things together to help her sleep.

Is baby peeing and pooping? Is your milk well in yet? 8% weight loss is completely normal and expected, especially after a section. Babies born by c-section often have an inflated birthweight, because often they give mamas IV fluids, and the baby comes out full of fluids. So the weight loss looks like more than it is. Don't let it worry you, and I really wouldn't fuss with the pump and the syringe over such a small weight loss. It just seems like one more thing to take up the time you could be spending nursing and resting. Babies this age will usually be most content with the breast in their mouth almost constantly, and that's the best way to encourage a good milk supply.

that

Originally Posted by voxana

Here's a thought: Have you tried persistently burping him when he cries after a feeding?

When my ds was a newborn, he would get a burp that was hard to get out and would scream. My husband figured out that he needed to be burped and would sometimes keep at burping him for 10 or 15 minutes! Once ds finally burped he would calm down right away and go to sleep.

I also recommend Happiest Baby on the Block.

This is huge for us...I thump my babies backs steadily, rhythmically and a lot harder than I did at first. I basically thump until my arm is about to fall off until I get that burp or no doubt she WILL wake up in 1-30 minutes crying in pain from the built up gas...Though sometimes it's stuck on the other end and bicycle pumping her legs gets them out.

[staceychev]

I agree with the "thumping" advice... all of the babies in my family (my DD and nephews) have loved to be solidly thumped on the back. We've also had success in turning baby face down over your knees while sitting upright in a chair and patting back or bum... I've sat through many a nap with an upside down baby that way! (Of course, I don't think I'd do that with a 3 day old.)

Also, my DD basically spent the first week of her life sleeping on her dad's chest because that's the only place she'd calm down enough to go to sleep. I really do think they need that closeness (and it was nice for DH to bond with her).

[Ldavis24]

I don't know if this has been mentioned at all because I haven't had time to read through all the posts but I had a very very long labor as well (over 40 hours) and then tore pretty badly (borderline 3rd degree) and was given a prescription for percocet (sp) and Ibuprofen as well. I can't even imagine how painful a C-section must be but one thing I noticed was if I took even just an ibuprofen DD was EXTREMELY sleepy after I would take an ibuprofen ( i didn't dare even try the percocets).
I definitely think you should be taking whatever pain management you need to to function but once you start to feel a little better pay attention to how your LO reacts after you have taken some medication. DH and I found the difference was quite noticable in DD's behavior if I had taken an Ibuprofen in the morning or not. She was quite sleepy all day if I had.