I hate being a mother today

[swd12422]

My son is 2 and has been starting to have the textbook meltdowns and behaviors that are common to toddlers his age. They're not too terrible (yet) and we manage to be calm through most of it, although I have my moments where I've just been hit ENOUGH that day and start to lose it.

Today I've had enough of the crying, not listening, hitting and general lack of cooperation. It's been from the very moment he woke up and wanted to kick his way through the diaper change. I told him very sternly that if he couldn't cooperate and listen we would not be playing at the park today. He was fine with that, we got ready to go, and then there was the meltdown about his cup before we got into the car. He was inconsolable for a few minutes, but we managed to get his mind off it, and he was good at the park. At first. Then he decided to stop listening to me, and was very rude to some other kids. (Took their ball, and although they said it was okay, he threw it far away when he was done instead of bringing it back to them. I told him to bring it back, and of course after he refused several times, we left the park.)

We had a semi-okay lunch, complete with hitting and not listening, but not terrible, came home and tried for a nap. No go. He claimed to need a diaper change (twice) but was dry. I told him he needed to stay in bed and have quiet time even if he didn't want to sleep. Cried for over half an hour before I realized he was too upset and needed to calm down. Gave him a bath. That worked. Til it was time to get out. He hit me so hard while I was drying him off that I had to put him in his crib naked and walk out. I'm STEAMING mad.

How am I going to get through this afternoon with not only him not napping but him behaving this way??? We really need to turn the mood of this day around, but how???

[Satori]

I'm having that kinda day myself with my 9 yr old. Can you go for a drive? Go to the park? The car might make him nap then take him to the park after to get out and a change of scenery or even a playland if you do fast food.

Another thought, when my little one is really tired I can get her to watch a movie and she'll fall asleep and take a nap, would that work for a nap?

[nd_deadhead]

Yikes! That does sound like a bad day.

But it also sounds like your ds is acting like a 2-yr-old. But the fact that it's normal doesn't make it any more fun! I always thought of 2 as "the age of frustration". A 2-yr-old wants to run fast and jump high, but they don't have the strength. They want to manipulate little objects, but they don't have the fine motor control. They have a LOT to say, but don't always have the language skills to say it. Who wouldn't be frustrated? He is starting to exert some control over his surroundings, like kicking through a diaper change.

A 2-yr-old is also learning a lot about the world, but he doesn't have it all figured out yet. He isn't sompletely clear on how his actions have consequences, and he doesn't always remember what happened when he did something the last time. He doesn't always understand how his actions affect other people (like not retuning the ball).

One thing you said a couple of times is that he wasn't listening. We worked very hard, at that age especially, to use positive commands - "do" statements instead of "don't" statements. If you say "Don't throw sand", all he hears is "... throw sand... throw sand", and even if he hears "don't", he can't think of an alternative. But if we say "Sand stays on the ground! Here, let's throw the ball!", he's more likely to do as you ask.

How do you get through the day? With deep breaths, and praying for strength and patience! I remember being SO mad at my boys (I have twins), I just wanted to knock their little heads together (which I would never do, but I was at a loss). Suddenly I got down on my knees and said "I need a hug!" They both ran to me and gave me a big squeeze. I discovered that no matter how angry and frutrated I was, when I held them close the anger melted away. It was a trick I used often.

Hugs to you, Mama, and hang in there! I promise you, it will get better.

[LynnS6]

Plop him in the stroller and go for a long walk?

Plan for some wine and chocolate tonight after he's asleep?

[naturechicplus1]

I hear your frustration, we have a lot of days like this right now, my DS is 22 months and the answer to every question is now NO! he's whining a lot more, throwing everything and just in general seems like he's a mess half the time. luckily he doesn't hit me much, but the poor dog and cat really have to watch out! our best transitions back to happiness happen when we sing or dance, or do funny voices. i have also been saying YES, YES, YES like a crazy person when he says No, so he usually laughs at me.

it is so hard to be patient with them when they seem so against you, but if you can just try to remember that as frustrated and crazy as you feel, he feels so much worse and he doesn't have anybody to talk to about it besides you. he doesn't have toddler.com to vent to nor does he know he's going to feel more settled in a few months/years (you can be confident it won't always be this way)

now if i can just get myself to keep this stuff in mind when we're having our own meltdowns tomorrow!

[swd12422]

Toddler.com -- LOL!! Thanks for the perspective on that. I try to talk to him and acknowledge his feelings of frustration, but of course it doesn't get through.

We ended up meeting friends at the playground (don't know why I didn't think of that earlier!) and even though the dirt-throwing continued, it provided a good break for both of us.

Lynn - no way could I wait til after his bedtime for wine and chocolate! I shoved half a candy bar down my throat while we were walking out the door! ;-)

ND Deadhead - I can't believe I didn't catch this. I just got finished explaining to DH how you can't say "No XYZ" or "Don't do whatever" b/c they won't hear the negative and we should be saying things in a positive way, like telling what we want him to do instead of what we don't want. It's only working a little on the hitting and kicking, but I totally missed this with the dirt throwing. I did tell him to be nice instead, but what the heck does that even mean, esp to a two-year-old?? LOL

I was so fried yesterday I just didn't have it in me to think things through this way. Thanks for all the suggestions and support! I hope we don't have another day like that for awhile....