DS hitting/kicking when upset

[joanna0707]

DS started hitting and kicking when he gets upset, if I hold his hands he tries to hit me with his head. I want to be close and validate his feelings but I'm not sure how to do that with him being so aggressive. If I hold him it turns into a struggle and I don't feel like a loving supportive person doing it. Should I leave him alone? This is what DH suggested today.

[MamaHappy]

What do you mean by "leave him alone"? Ignore him? Not sure I would do that since it sends the message that hitting/kicking is acceptable behavior. I would let him know in a calm (but firm) way that hitting and kicking other people is not okay. I wouldn't hold him or anything like that. Again, let him know hitting/kicking are not okay, but do tell him what he CAN do when he's upset. My youngest used to hit his older brother when he was mad and I taught him stomp his feet on the ground instead of hit. It worked pretty well and then he just outgrew it altogether.

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The way I am envisioning it, it seems like he wants to be left alone. Or at least not held.

I also don't think you should allow yourself to be hit either.

[k9sarchik]

We have done time-outs and also redirect. When we redirect we tell him High Five only. If that doesn't work then I try to give him a choice, either he has to calm down and sit on the sofa for 2 minutes or he has to stop hitting and he can stay with me. If that doesn't work then its time-out for 2 minutes.
If he doesn't want to sit on the sofa usually I can get him to calm down by counting his fingers.