I will never understand how some folks can do CIO

[Belia]

I picked up DS from daycare today and while I was waiting for DS to finish getting his diaper changed (how was that for timing?) one of the other little guys in his room was just waking up from his nap and SOBBING hysterically. I mean, choking, can't breathe, crying, hysterical sobbing.

The teacher was trying to comfort him but this little guy just wasn't having it. He saw me and just started in with the pitiful "mom... moooom..... MOOOOOOM" wailing.

I felt physically sick. It took everything in me not to go over to him and scoop him up and cuddle him and hug him. But, of course, I could not because the teacher was with him and, oh yeah, he's not my kid! It absolutely broke my heart to hear this little boy, who is normally so smiley and happy, be so sad.

I have no idea how anyone could listen to their own child cry in such a way and purposefully not comfort him. No clue.

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At least the teacher was trying to help him.

I was in Walmart the other night, and there was a mom, a dad, and one other woman together with ONE newborn baby. He or she was probably less than two weeks old. The baby was SCREAMING in that newborn scream. It was awful. Everyone in Walmart was upset.

The cashier said "I can't believe you can let that baby cry like that". (she was pretty nice about it) The baby's father said "(s)he can't always get carried around all the time.. that's what containers are for".

I am not normally bothered by other people's babies crying.. but, this was pitiful, and slightly horrifying.

The Cashier was practically in tears.

[LVale]

Um, I really do not get your post. You yourself said the teacher was right there comforting him, he was not left alone. That is not CIO, in my opinion. CIO is when someone leaves the room, leaves the child alone and does nothing. My grandson who is 21 mths. old, always wakes up from his nap grumpy and I never leave his side and sometimes he will just cry. Sometimes for up to 30 minutes, and I will try everything to calm him, hold him, feed him, sing to him, talk to him, you name it, but never leave his side, he will eventually calm down and go his happy way, would you call that CIO? Sometimes little ones just cry and it seems that the teacher was there for the child. So please do not be so quick to judge, especially care givers. This is just my honest opinion.

[*Aimee*]

Originally Posted by LVale

Um, I really do not get your post. You yourself said the teacher was right there comforting him, he was not left alone. That is not CIO, in my opinion. CIO is when someone leaves the room, leaves the child alone and does nothing. My grandson who is 21 mths. old, always wakes up from his nap grumpy and I never leave his side and sometimes he will just cry. Sometimes for up to 30 minutes, and I will try everything to calm him, hold him, feed him, sing to him, talk to him, you name it, but never leave his side, he will eventually calm down and go his happy way, would you call that CIO? Sometimes little ones just cry and it seems that the teacher was there for the child. So please do not be so quick to judge, especially care givers. This is just my honest opinion.

I think she is saying because this upset her so much she doesn't understand how anyone can do it. Not that the teacher was doing it.

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Originally Posted by LVale

Um, I really do not get your post. You yourself said the teacher was right there comforting him, he was not left alone.

She just meant babies in general. Not this baby.

[<<>>]

Originally Posted by *Aimee*

I think she is saying because this upset her so much she doesn't understand how anyone can do it. Not that the teacher was doing it.

thats what I understood also......

I hate listening my little ones cry while I am attempting to comfort them..... I could never walk away and just let them cio... I understand how you feel

[spicyrock]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I was in Walmart the other night, and there was a mom, a dad, and one other woman together with ONE newborn baby. He or she was probably less than two weeks old. The baby was SCREAMING in that newborn scream. It was awful. Everyone in Walmart was upset.

The cashier said "I can't believe you can let that baby cry like that". (she was pretty nice about it) The baby's father said "(s)he can't always get carried around all the time.. that's what containers are for".

omg, that is terrible. Two weeks old? Of course she can get carried around all of the time! She needs it and weighs next to nothing! Poor babe.

When my baby was younger (she is 13 months now) I was appalled by cio. It still isn't something I condone in any way (I don't think it encourages trust or good communication between parents and baby), but sometimes my little girl exhausts me to the point of THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ANYMORE. Does anyone know what I mean? Whe nyou have tried and tried to comfort dc but nothing is working and you have to get up and walk around for a minute and take deep breaths? Thankfully this doesn't happen to us very often, bc dd is generally happy and sleeps well...

[Belia]

Originally Posted by *Aimee*

I think she is saying because this upset her so much she doesn't understand how anyone can do it. Not that the teacher was doing it.

The teacher wasn't doing anything wrong, although she did have to leave the LO for a few moments here & there (because there were other kids in the room who needed attention). Just hearing this stranger's baby cry so pitifully hit me like a punch in the gut, and he's not even my baby.

And I realized that other people do purposefully leave their own children to cry like that on a regular basis... just walk away from them for extended periods of time, over and over and over as a conscious parenting technique, and I do not understand how they could do that.

[LVale]

To Belia, I am sorry if I misunderstood your post, yes it is heart breaking to hear a little one cry it out. I could just imagine a sincere day care worker trying to take care of little ones and comfort them.

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Originally Posted by spicyrock

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ANYMORE. Does anyone know what I mean? Whe nyou have tried and tried to comfort dc but nothing is working and you have to get up and walk around for a minute and take deep breaths? .

I completely understand.

I have a daycare baby that just HATES to be carried around when he's tired. He gets so worked up, and no matter what I (or his parents) try, we just have to put him to bed to work it out himself. But, when you put him in his bed, (before he's mad) he gets all happy and rubs his face into his little bed then bounces himself to sleep. If I hold him too long, he's so upset that it takes him forever to finally fall asleep. It's like I wrecked his whole day by invading his personal space.

[spicyrock]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I completely understand.

I have a daycare baby that just HATES to be carried around when he's tired. He gets so worked up, and no matter what I (or his parents) try, we just have to put him to bed to work it out himself. But, when you put him in his bed, (before he's mad) he gets all happy and rubs his face into his little bed then bounces himself to sleep. If I hold him too long, he's so upset that it takes him forever to finally fall asleep. It's like I wrecked his whole day by invading his personal space.

I'm glad you understand- because on the rare occasions that this happens, I feel like such a terrible mother and I just want to put my head in my hands and scream. But then I get up (I or dd's dad usually lie down with dd and snuggle her to sleep) and walk around the house (small apartment actually) for 99 seconds (I count to 99 and take deep breaths) and she almost always stops crying and falls asleep before my 99 seconds are up. Honestly, this baffles me as it is not something she did until recently. I nursed her to sleep for 11 months and then she stopped nursing for a while and other things got in the way and we never picked it back up; I would have gone on for longer but she didn't show much of an interest anymore... for the past two months she has still basically fallen asleep after dinner, playtime, and a bath with just a snuggle and some singing. For about two or three weeks now, however, it has been hit or miss- sometimes she goes right to sleep, sometimes she doesn't even want a snuggle and she just lies down by herself and she's out- and then some nights she is absolutely inconsolable.

I know this is a little off topic, OP! Sorry! I'm just saying- I've recently seen how some people might try CIO out of desperation with older babies... but as a planned parenting technique implemented from the beginning? I have no idea. When I was a new mom my baby's cries sent me into virtual hysterics. I couldn't -not- comfort her. And dp was the same way- he always said when she cried it "fried his brain."

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Originally Posted by spicyrock

but sometimes my little girl exhausts me to the point of THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ANYMORE. Does anyone know what I mean? Whe nyou have tried and tried to comfort dc but nothing is working and you have to get up and walk around for a minute and take deep breaths? Thankfully this doesn't happen to us very often, bc dd is generally happy and sleeps well...

I have so been there, especially in the beginning. Sometimes you really just need to walk away for a minute.

[Rowansmama]

It's so hard to see people do things to their kids that you just feel is wrong, isn't it?

Today I was in Walmart (which stresses me out anyway) and there was a couple there with a baby who was about 6 or 7 months old. The mom was holding him, and the baby was crying hysterically. She kept trying to feed him ice cream off a spoon, and he was turning his head and freaking out crying. She kept trying to make him eat the darn ice cream. I wanted so badly to say something, but what? Ugh, I hate those situations!

[annettemarie]

This thread is closed pending moderator review.

Please keep in mind, as per the User Agreement, that MDC is not interested in hosting conversations about the merits of crying it out.

[annettemarie]

Reopening.

[LROM]

Originally Posted by Rowansmama

It's so hard to see people do things to their kids that you just feel is wrong, isn't it?

Today I was in Walmart (which stresses me out anyway) and there was a couple there with a baby who was about 6 or 7 months old. The mom was holding him, and the baby was crying hysterically. She kept trying to feed him ice cream off a spoon, and he was turning his head and freaking out crying. She kept trying to make him eat the darn ice cream. I wanted so badly to say something, but what? Ugh, I hate those situations!

Ya know you guys it *is* possible to say something in these situations. It may be the smallest thing, like in this case "Wow, that's great that your baby is so clear at that age about what they do and don't like - looks like he's clear about not wanting that ice cream!"

Or the Walmart screaming babies, I've said to parents in similar situations "Ya know, it's pretty much proven that not responding to the child crying at this stage just makes them get more worked up more often, and cry more, now and later. Most parents don't realize that." That comment interestingly actually seems to make an impression almost every time, because it's not about judging "Oh, you're a bad parent", it's about saying "Unless you WANT your child to cry more, you're probably gonna be happier if you try to comfort it now.

Granted, if someone asked me for specific study references I wouldn't be able to give them, but so far no one has.... And, you'd be amazed, sometimes people seem to actually think about this info. Who knows when it makes a difference and when it doesn't, but it feels good to have at least said something, even a little something, in hopes it might make that baby's life easier....