Holding a baby too much will spoil them?

[libbylovely]

My sister-in-law just had a baby in January. Just last week, my sister-in-law had to start back at work and so Grandma (our husbands' mother) is taking care of her. She is wonderful with the baby, except that in her opinion, holding her too much will spoil her. I suppose she means that if the baby gets too used to being held all the time, she'll never be content to just be put down and sleep (like when she needs to do the dishes, etc.)

My own baby is due in April, and while I will be fortunate enough to stay home with my baby, not needing Grandma's care, I still feel a little confused by these remarks and how to feel about them. Isn't lots of contact really good for babies? Stimulating? Or is it true that too much holding results in a "spoiling" of sorts?

[Adallae]

I heard that line all the time after DD was born. I never understood what 'spoiling' them in that regard meant, but I thought it was a load of crap. Some babies end up having a higher need for touch than others - I believe they're born that way, and you should always respond to their needs as best you can. I found this article that made me feel better about my decision to hold my baby as much as she (and I!) wanted:

http://www.connectionparenting.com/p...cles/hold.html

[Freud]

I don't think it will "spoil" children, but I do think there is something to be said about putting a baby down when they're giving signals that they want to be. Many babies are very content just chilling out by themselves for a while and there's nothing wrong with that. Also, yes, there is such a thing as too much stimulation, especially when the babe is clearly giving signals that they're overwhelmed or need some time alone to just be in his/her own skin. Not all babies are comfortable being held or worn 24/7. Some are. Sometimes we don't like to allow ourselves to know that infants are not scared to be alone and that they don't need to be connected to us all the time. Each child is different. It's all about being in tune with the child and responding to their needs, and not our own.

[Bea]

Personally, I found that the 20 hours a day of breastfeeding that newborns require kind of negated the 'picking them up spoils them' thing considering there was no way to nurse them without it.

It was a relief when he dropped his nursing demands to every two or three hours recently...he's almost 3

[sapphire_chan]

Yes, babies should be kept in the refrigerator after opening.

Oh no, wait, that's ketchup.

Um.... yeah, babies don't spoil.

Get yourself a sling and it won't matter how much your baby wants to be held.
I'm convinced that the people who have the most problem with holding babies all the time are the ones who never managed to figure out how to do it and have their handsfree.

[sunflower.mama]

I think you have to look behind the word when people talk about spoiling kids. Spoiling by holding = getting them accustomed to being held. Not a bad thing in my book, but apparantly so in Grandma's opinion. (Actually most child developmentalists agree on the utter importance of touch for healthy development...but every child is different, and some need more than others.) Spoiling an older child by buying them toys everytime they go out = bad in nearly everyone's view.

[Asparagus78]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Yes, babies should be kept in the refrigerator after opening.

Oh no, wait, that's ketchup.

Um.... yeah, babies don't spoil.

I have to remember this next time DH gives me a hard time about always having DS2 in my arms!!!

[pumpkinhead]

I think you actually have to acustom them to not being held all the time which is a slow process lasting at least 12 months, often more.

Babies are held tight and warm in the womb for 9 months. Their world is never quiet. The mother's intake of breath, the boom of her heart beat and the whooshing of blood in the veins and arteries all make for a pretty non-quiet existance. The walls of the uterus gently cradle and snuggle the baby giving the feeling of a tight swaddle. The amniotic fluid rocks them and keeps them warm and wet.

And then we expect them to be born into the dry, still world and sleep alone in the vast expanse of a quiet, cold crib. And if we hold them too much, we'll spoil them. It's pretty counter intuitive for a tiny wee infant who is still trying to get the hang of breathing, eating, digesting and pooping on their own when they haven't ever had to before.

You can't spoil a newborn by attending to their needs and most newborns NEED to be held. It's what they know. It's what they're used to. I think it was Nils Bergmen who first said that a mother's flesh is a baby's natural habitat. It was their first home and holding them close, especially bare skin to bare skin, comforts them like nothing else can and this has been scientifically proven.

I am sure Grandma has the very best of intentions, but her views seem very old fashioned and dated. When the baby is 7 and wants a Wii and a new Nintendo DS and a trip to Disney World is when spoiling may enter the vocabulary, but certianly not with a tiny baby.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by pumpkinhead

I am sure Grandma has the very best of intentions, but her views seem very old fashioned and dated. When the baby is 7 and wants a Wii and a new Nintendo DS and a trip to Disney World is when spoiling may enter the vocabulary, but certianly not with a tiny baby.

And oddly, a lot of the same grannies who were worried about spoiling a tiny baby are first in line with ice cream and toys later on.

[InMediasRes]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

And oddly, a lot of the same grannies who were worried about spoiling a tiny baby are first in line with ice cream and toys later on.

My mom always told me I had to put my son down, now her response to every little problem is "Does he have enough toys?"

You can't spoil a baby.

[mntnmom]

This is the same generation that was told formula was better, and that crying develops the lungs. They were advised to just pop a bottle in the baby's mouth and walk away, to do otherwise would make babies too attached, and hurt your child's development.
We know better now. Babies learn and develop best with lots of face time and physical contact. Of course some babes don't like as much as others, but responding to a baby's *needs* is not spoiling, any more than feeding or changing a diaper is.