I know it's all very overwhelming right now and it seems like you have to figure this all out right now, but you don't. It will all unfold in time, but not today.
The first time my kids went off was very difficult. It was painful and I cried. It's hard to let go when we aren't ready...but it really wasn't about me and the more I made it about me, the more I wasn't doing them any favors.
When I thought of my children being away from me as 'time away' or 'losing them', it was very painful. But, when I switched it around and saw it as 'time for me' and a 'time to recharge'...it felt much better and I actually started to look forward to the time to myself.
Our children benefit from us having a life of our own and time to do things for us. They benefit from being with people who love them and knowing they are loved and safe and supported in more than one environment. All of these things helped me too.
We all have to let go of our children at some point. From the second they're born, we are starting a process of letting go. When it feels like it's happening because of something beyond our control, it feels more difficult, but the more you can find positives in it, the easier it will be for your little one.
I know it's a lot all at once and I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you're feeling right now.