Some of you may have seen my posts before about my troubled marriage. My husband has been a SAHD for several years -- mostly d/t his inability to keep a job. He has completely declined to the point that he is not functional -- he sleeps on the couch all day while my dd (3) watches movies and runs around unattended. When he is awake, he spends 12+ hours a day on the computer. He doesn't do anything around the house, is completely inconsiderate, and can be mean and moody. He goes through periods where he is nasty and yells at the kids. He also secretly uses credit cards and hides it from me even though I have to work over time already to make the minimum payments on the debt we already have...
We have gone back and forth about splitting up and I finally got fed up last week and told him "this is it." We very amicably discussed potential divorce arrangements etc. etc.
Well, then I hit an emotional wall and started to break down. I have been with him 15 years (half my life) never been with anyone else ... yada yada. I really thought I was stone cold towards him after the past two years, but I guess not. I started feeling like maybe we should try having him get a job and stuff but try to stay together. Last night I talked to him, and he said no, he needs to be independent from me. Typical of him, he talked all about himself, what he needs etc. I cried and said I still loved him and stuff but he had nothing to say AT ALL about the loss of our marriage.
Now I feel like I made a fool out of myself and put him in the position of rejecting me (which we have a long history of). On paper, I know I would be so much better off without him, but emotionally I am stuck. I can't seem to help myself from slipping into the "I want you back" mode. One of his other qualities is being a social=phobic, which has kept me pretty isolated as well, so I don't have too many friends/community to lean on.
So, I need help staying strong and moving ahead..
We have gone back and forth about splitting up and I finally got fed up last week and told him "this is it." We very amicably discussed potential divorce arrangements etc. etc.
Well, then I hit an emotional wall and started to break down. I have been with him 15 years (half my life) never been with anyone else ... yada yada. I really thought I was stone cold towards him after the past two years, but I guess not. I started feeling like maybe we should try having him get a job and stuff but try to stay together. Last night I talked to him, and he said no, he needs to be independent from me. Typical of him, he talked all about himself, what he needs etc. I cried and said I still loved him and stuff but he had nothing to say AT ALL about the loss of our marriage.
Now I feel like I made a fool out of myself and put him in the position of rejecting me (which we have a long history of). On paper, I know I would be so much better off without him, but emotionally I am stuck. I can't seem to help myself from slipping into the "I want you back" mode. One of his other qualities is being a social=phobic, which has kept me pretty isolated as well, so I don't have too many friends/community to lean on.
So, I need help staying strong and moving ahead..
s Hugs, mama. Sounds so incredibly hard, & I really feel for you.
It is a sad thing; I hope you can find someone else to talk to about all of that if your H isn't able to respond to you about it.
I am the exact same way. I have gone through so much in my life including 2 extremely hard pregnancies that ended with both of my girls being born 12 and 13 weeks early but when it comes to my DH I am just so weak. You can do this though. Like another person said, you know in your heart what to do and what is the right decision for you. I know how hard and scary it is. I am going through the same thing right now (leaving my DH) and it is hard. Life is too short though to spend it in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage. Time heals and things will get a little better each day. That is what I am trying to tell myself.
