Older Child's Birthday with a New Baby

[boigrrrlwonder]

We plan to throw a very small, family birthday party for our daughter who's about to turn three soon. Our newborn will be less than two weeks old at the time. I'm trying to get everyone to meet the new baby before the party, but assuming this doesn't happen, is it reasonable to refuse to pass around the baby at the party? I just really worry that the new baby will take away from my daughter's party. She's had a very rough time adjusting.

[MacKinnon]

We were in the exact same situation. DD turned three, 3 weeks after DS was born and many of our family met the baby for the first time at her party. We outright asked our family to please greet DD first, and fuss over HER birthday. We also made a bigger deal of the party than we normally would, and bought her the paper Dora stuff she fussed over at the store, and dressed her up, etc. It worked out fine, DD felt like a big girl and very special, and the family all quietly took turns holding DS which let us pay attention to DD. I think our attention helped her feel more special too, since for once, we didn't have to help DS as much, with all the Grandma's, Aunt's and Uncle's happy to hold the baby!

[dogretro]

We are doing the same thing, too! Only for us, there is no such thing as a "small" family party. I think Carrie had great advice in that while others are holding the baby, YOU will get to focus on your daughter, which will be the most important part to her

[boysmom2]

I second the idea of talking to family members BEFORE the party about this and making sure they greet the birthday girl first. The first time we drove to visit my ILs after DS2 was born, they all fussed over the new baby as we walked in. Poor DS1, who up until that point had been the one everyone fussed over there was completely ignored. DH actually had to say, "Hi, DS1!" to get them to realize what they were doing. My ILs are great, they didn't mean to hurt his feelings, they just didn't think.

Good for you for thinking about this ahead of time! And happy birthday to your DD!

[Bokonon]

DD was 5 weeks old on DS's 4th birthday, but it was still 1 week until her due date. During the day, I brought him to a drop-in daycare that we use and he just loves, and they made a big deal out of it being his birthday. I brought cupcakes for him to share, and they made him a crown, sang Happy Birthday, blew up balloons - it was really special for him.

Then we took him to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. I just wore DD in a sling the whole time, and even though it was just our immediate family, DS had a blast!

We had his party a few weeks later, again, at Chuck E. Cheese, because that's what DS wanted and it was easy! We didn't have to bring anything, they take care of all the setup and cleanup, and it wasn't very expensive. And they really try to make the birthday person happy! We may end up doing that again this year because it was just so easy and he loved it.

I held DD in the sling most of the time, and some of the adult guests held her briefly, but DS was so busy having fun that I don't even think he noticed.

[feminist~mama]

I think I'd sling the new babe too and talk to family ahead of time about focusing on DD1.

Good luck- I hope you all have a fun day!

[LynnS6]

You can always pull the "the doctor told us not to expose the baby to too many germs before 4- 6 weeks" card out too. That might help you limit the number of people who hold her.

[misstorri]

My baby was 10 days old at my older DS's 4 year party. I was still recovering from a c-section so I sat quietly in a corner most of the time. I either held the baby or my husband did. Our cousin held him for a while as well. Other than that, people seemed to get that the baby was not to be passed around without us having to tell them. I think it helped that he was so tiny. Older DS was having too much fun to pay any attention to baby brother.

[JoanCrawford]

Your baby isn't a toy, and people shouldn't e asking to play with it. It's perfectly reasonable to refuse to let him go, just do it in a calm way and don't get insulted when they insist. Just be like "no, he's not feeling well today, I'd prefer to hold him."