Donations at baby shower instead of gifts???

[MammaB21]

Have you done it, and how did you do it?

This will be my second child. I know baby showers aren't traditionally thrown for second children, but I honestly want the party more than the gifts. I want to celebrate this baby and I think it will be something fun to look forward to in my final weeks. Any excuse for a part

The thing is that I don't really need much of anything. I never used anything extravagant with DD and I liked it that way. We co-sleep so we don't own or need a crib. I got away with no changing table with DD for over a year and have the one I bought after that. I never used any pack and plays, or swings or high chairs or diaper genies. My good friend just had a baby girl and has TONS of stuff. So anything big that I decide to use I feel like I can borrow from her. She has already offered me her bassinet and brand new breast pump along with as many clothes as I can stand (if this babe is a girl). I have tons of clothes left over from DD and if the babe happens to be a boy I do have some neutral stuff. I have a sling, a boppy, and a bumbo. The only thing I really need to buy new is a car seat and I prefer to get that on my own.

So what is it I really need? A homebirth. But that costs money. Money that we don't have. How corny is it to ask for a donation of money instead of a gift? I feel like it is to the gift givers benefit as well since any gift I get won't really be necessary. I truly would be okay with just having a day to spend with friends and family sans gifts or money. However, I know that some people will insist on getting me something. I would much rather not waist peoples time and money when I may end up returning their gift in the end anyway.

How can I word all of this on an invitation? Have you done something similar to this and did it work? I want to get across that this is a gathering and celebration of the new little one, not a typical "shower the mother with gifts" event. I want to state somewhere that we are excepting cash donations to contribute to the birth of the baby. I'm just not sure how to get this all across without being rude. If I can't figure it out, I guess I'll just forget it. Help please

ETA: I really would appreciate honest opinions as well. If I am just the craziest person for even thinking this, let me know....lol. It might just be out of line, and that's okay. It's not like I'll be mad if I get a onsie....hahaha.

[jennica]

Okay, I'll be honest (which I can be since we are IRL sisters ) not only is considered rude to ask for cash, it is also considered rude to throw a shower for yourself. If you throw a shower for yourself, and ask for cash, I'm afraid that might look doubly rude. Most people don't offer to throw showers for second babies, especially when they are born relatively close together, so that may not happen for you either. Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, but yes I think it would be considered pretty rude.

[MaerynPearl]

Around here you get a shower EVERY baby as long as someones willing to throw you one, no matter how far apart they are (because really, doesn't every baby deserve its own celebration?)

That said... I would not ask for money to help pay for the home birth. You would likely get a lot of people questioning why you want to have a home birth if you cant afford it but having a hospital birth (with a strict birth plan) would be covered.

However, if you don't want gifts... you can simply state in the invitations that if they feel its really necessary they can donate the money they would have put toward the gift to a childrens fund or something. In which case it wouldn't look selfish but more selfless.

[MammaB21]

Jennica LOL. I guess it's a hypothetical shower for now. I wasn't planning on throwing it myself.....but I know in our family we've done showers for second children. I have a friend who has already asked me my plans for a shower as well and since DD will be 4 years old by then, I think it would be acceptable.

MaerynPearl Thanks. Good idea about the childrens fund as a way to word it.

My intent really isn't to be off putting or to offend anyone. I've always disliked the whole dishonesty of showers when it comes to gift giving. I guess I felt like I'd just rather be honest about what we need. I can't count how many bottle of lavender baby lotion I got at my last shower that never even got opened. Not that any gift is unwelcomed, it just seems like any registry gets overlooked 50% of the time anyway.

After thinking about it more, and hearing your responses, I think I'll skip the shower all together and have a welcoming party after baby arrives. That's really the point anyway. Time with friends and family welcoming the new little one