Are there children that are...

[ShyDaisi]

...always easy? Or, do the challenges come in stages?

I have a very spirited child. He came out screaming and did so until he was independently mobile and able to communicate. I had a very hard time coping through the first year. I remember sometime not long after his first birthday, maybe 14 or 15 months (after progressing through the newly one-year-old tantrum stage), thinking, "Wow, I love this age!" for the very first time since he was born. Not that there weren't moments - very few and far between moments - that I enjoyed with him as a baby, but it was generally 15 minutes here or 15 minutes there - it was that hard for us.

Fast forward through the 1s and the 2s (he will be 3 in April), and so far things have been fairly easy. We have our moments, but independence and communication is really agreeing with us. The energy he has is out of this world - I get tired just looking at him - and occasionally he will voice his disapproval about a decision, but for the most part things have been easier over these last 2 years. I have heard that if 2s are easy then 3s are harder and vice versa...so I guess only time will tell...

In talking to a friend of mine tonight, she mentioned how easy babyhood was and how trying 2s have been. It got me wondering if each child has stages that are more difficult than others? Do some go through the trials earlier (like I did with my son), and others go through them later (like my friend and her daughter)? Just wondering if some children have temperaments that make them more easy going... or if all children go through these stages, but at varying times and intervals based on their personalities and/or development...

[34me]

Each kiddo is truly unique even in the same family with the same parents. My dd was a screamer as a baby. She screamed no matter what for a couple hours a day. She looooved her swing. Two was hard but not terrible, three was worse but she leveled off. Had a lot of dificulties in pre teen years but at 16 I really like her. Ds#1 was a grumper. He only ever wanted to be on the floor as a babe and walker really, really early. Two was really hard, three was better. Once I figured him out inelementary school, I got fewer calls from the principal. At 13 he can be great one minute a raving UAV the next. Love him al the same. DS#2 has been the mellowest kiddo ever. When he was a babe he was content to just be in the middle of the action. Did not even cry until he was about 6 weeks old. He would just snort. Talked a little late because he really had nothing to say he was just that content. At 11 he has his own opinions but it's ok if you have yours. Willing to try absolutely anything and happy just to be around his family.

[MCR]

I think we all get one challenge, maybe two.
Ds#1 was my high needs baby and sensory problems made it all worse.
Ds#2 was like a text book baby, he did it all the way the books said, Dh thought there was something wrong with him, he was happy, self soothed from birth, easy easy baby.
Dd is my second challenge, but was sweet and smilie and easy till she hit 2 1/2
Then she changed into a stubborn, independent, Houdini little one that challenged me at every turn and did what she wanted, but with a big smile on her sweet face. How could I be mad at that
The boys are grown, #1 got easier aged about 7 years old. #2 continued to be a great kid, and easy going. (he's 16) Dd is only 5 still butting heads with me and trying to run things for me. I hope it gets better before she becomes a teenager

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by MCR

I think we all get one challenge, maybe two.

Comments like this scare the bejeezus out of me. My daughter is only 21 months old but so far things have been completely smooth sailing. I feel like it would take a complete and total reversal of her entire personality for her to become really a problem anytime in the next couple of years. She's very independent and if she had a different kind of mom I can see them butting heads but I am all for her independence so we get along.

But I'm pregnant. I'm really afraid of having a difficult child next this time. I'm afraid that if my second child is even just moderately challenging that I am going to have so much less patience because, "Why can't you be more like your sister?!"

[minkleaf]

DD1, after the first 6 weeks or so, has been pretty easy/low stress. As long as I didn't set her down as a baby, or she had to leave my sight until around 5. She's 6 now and only really had one floor kicking tantrum ever. I was worried about DD2 being hard after that, but she was an even easier baby. Until around 1 1/2. She's 3 now and we butt heads regularly. I wouldn't even bother to count the tantrums anymore. But she's so smart and funny when she's not upset, and sweet and sad when she's coming out of a tantrum that we all survive.

[nextcommercial]

This has been my experience. (with daycare kids) This is just a generalization.

The easy infants are hard toddlers, but then get easy again at age three.

The hard infants are the BEST pre-schoolers. I have one right now that I cannot believe he has been allowed to live past 12 months... But, now, he is the most awesome pre-schooler. He just rolls along and nothing phases him. As a baby though, he was a nightmare. His mom brought him over in tears many mornings because he was too much for her. I had "the magic ball of quiet". Which was just a ball with glitter inside, but it gave us ten minutes of peace. Even the kids knew to NEVER touch his "magic ball of quiet".

One year olds are absolutely adorable.. they just ooze cute and fun. Twos are "big" they like to do it. Open doors, walk to the car without holding hands, pour their own water... but, at three, they would let you breath for them if you could. By five, you can't wait for the "next thing" because they are driving you nuts at home. School will start soon, or soccer, or ANYTHING to give them something to do.

[AutumnAir]

Is it possible that the people who had easy babies *think* that their toddler is difficult by comparison to how easy they were as infants, when in fact they're not really difficult at all?

On the other side of the coin I think my 2 year old DD is much easier compared to the extreme high needs that she exhibited as a baby, but I think she's probably still difficult by most people's standards, KWIM? She has at least 2-3 major tantrums every day, is incredibly energetic, needs a lot of input/interaction from me, still doesn't STTN, often waking 6 + times a night - but she's *much* easier than she was as an infant!

I'm scared about the second one though - I don't think I have it in me to cope with another one like DD is/was.

[velochic]

I have an only (8 yo now) and will not be having any more kids. I thought dd was going to be high needs because of her infancy. She was a poor sleeper and cried if I did not carry her in my arms or sling... STANDING UP! (She would not to let me sit down with her.) She was a car screamer and we went NOWHERE for the first year. That first year was miserable. That was not a reason for us not having more kids (we're older parents and always only planned to have one), but had we been considering more, I probably wouldn't have even considered it based on that first year. But that was our only challenging stage with dd. In hindsight, it was not that bad. Dd had some food allergies and I now think the challenges were nutrition-related (my diet, that is, as she EBF until about 8 mos., was still getting most of her nutrition from the breast at 14/15 mos. and then nursed until 3.5 years old). Once we figured out my nursing diet, she did calm down. Took a long time, though.

Toddlerhood and Childhood have been a BREEZE! Even as a toddler, she never had even a single tantrum. Happy, happy, happy. She talked early and was a communicator from the get-go. I was able to verbally reason with her and as a result, if things didn't quite go her way, she was happy to voice her disappointment rather than scream it. I always affirmed her feelings and tried to compromise when I could (and still do). (BTW - my little talker now drives me nuts with talking so much, but, that's another thread).

AP and gentle discipline were a perfect match for her growing up. She's a very gentle and empathetic person, but is not upset easily. She has become a completely different child than what that first year indicated. I thought she would be whiny, negative and demanding, but she is a helpful, happy, positive, sweet child that everyone enjoys being around (and she gets comments as such).

[ann_of_loxley]

I think it depends on the parent. We have our own personalities and temperments too. Some of us have more patience and understanding than others as well. This will affect how we percieve and 'deal' with a child. So - regardless of the fact that all children are unique and different (they really are!)...how we are as people also matters when considering this. For some people, 'babyhood' will be 'easy' for them - whilst deailng with a three year old might not be.

So far I have found the baby days super dead easy. Twos were just emotional for us all - we were both learning! Threes were a bit of a challenge and four has been interesting and fun! My husband on the other hand found the baby days hard. Twos interesting and fun. Threes a challenge and four annoying. lmao! We are different people - my son is still the same person between us though. We just percieve things differenly and handle things differently as well.

Now - give us a different child and that too will be different but then again, also different between adults.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

I think it depends on the parent. We have our own personalities and temperments too. Some of us have more patience and understanding than others as well. This will affect how we percieve and 'deal' with a child. So - regardless of the fact that all children are unique and different (they really are!)...how we are as people also matters when considering this. For some people, 'babyhood' will be 'easy' for them - whilst deailng with a three year old might not be.

So true. Exactly what I was going to write. Different people have different tolerances and preferences. If you find certain personalities or behaviours rub you the wrong way, it won't be easier just because the person is your child. In fact, it will often be harder to deal with because you have to live with it constantly - there's no escaping. Add dealing with different developmental stages - it gets pretty complicated. What's easy for some may be really hard for others.

[ShyDaisi]

Very interesting. I love hearing everyone's views! Having my own special, unique child I had already determined that he is who he is and there is nothing I can do or could have done to make him different than he is, but I had never considered that the difficulty that I had or the ease with which now seems to be would be dependent upon me and my own personality or way of dealing with things...

A lot of this "thinking" that started this thread stem from the fact that my brother thinks that my child is a brat (his word) while I think that he is a very energetic, typical 2-year-old that isn't over and above in the behavior department. I am sure that he thinks it is my fault and I am a horrible parent...Maybe he just isn't a 2-year-old kind of person? His wife "might" be pregnant, so it will be interesting to see how things develop over the years...

[LynnS6]

I think it's a combination of developmental stage, together with temperament and fit with the parents' personalities.

My kids were relatively easy babies. Ds has sensory issues, so he couldn't nurse in public after 3-4 months, and he got easily overstimulated. But then, so do I, so I understood that and we dealt. Dd was really just a textbook baby. She reverse cycled when I started back to work, but that didn't bother me.

My kids were easy toddlers too, really. Nonetheless, I disliked the toddler stage. I hate the stage where they have clear wants and not enough language to tell you what it is. All this motor activity with relatively little language was hard on me. Once they were talking well, life got easier for me.

Ds has remained relatively easy. Even his sensory issues were 'easy' to deal with as he avoided sensory input (the cleanest preschooler ever) and froze when he got overwhelmed. He's a rule follower, quiet and thoughtful.

Dd (5), on the other hand, challenges me daily. We share many personality traits. Right now she's in a difficult stage (or just coming out of one really) because she can see very clearly what she wants to do, but she doesn't yet have the skills to do it. She tantrums regularly because she has such strong feelings and desires and the world, alas, does not always march to her tune!

I have a hard time with dd partly because I remember those intense feelings so well and the bring up my own childhood pains. But partly it's because she just pushes buttons that I didn't know I had. I suspect that by the time dd reaches middle childhood and has some real competence, life will be good again.

[newbymom05]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

This has been my experience. (with daycare kids) This is just a generalization.

The easy infants are hard toddlers, but then get easy again at age three.

The hard infants are the BEST pre-schoolers.

This has been our experience. DS1 was a tough, tough baby, but the easiest toddler/preschooler imaginable. Honestly, he's only ever had one real temper tantrum in 5 years! I think that's because that's ALL he did for the first 18 mo, lol. OTOH DS2 was the easiest, sweetest, textbook baby, but he's turning out to be a real handful as a toddler. Every day my DH says "DS1 wasn't like this, was he?"

[One_Girl]

My dd was fairly easy for the most part until she turned three. When she become insistant about having her own point of view and making decisions herself I had a difficult adjusment period. Once I adjusted and developed more realistic expectations of her she went back to being mostly easy. She is not a push over and she definitely knows what she wants and pushes for it, but I have gotten used to her being her own person and that is what makes her easy to live with. For me, easy is about how I react not about how my dd acts.

[limette]

DD1 was a breeze all the way until 3.5. Now she's really hard to deal with. I've tried everything and she is still driving me crazy.

DD2 has never been easy. She cried all through infancy and is grumping her way through toddlerhood (she's almost 2). She's tends to dramatics and is a little ocd. Hopefully she'll hit an easy stage some day!

Both of them have really, um big? personalities, I'm hoping number 3 (due in August) is the mellow type.

[Joyster]

My oldest has been a pretty easy going kid. He was happy enough to just be sitting in my lap as an infant while I had some coffee with friends. As a toddler, there weren't a lot of tantrums and he'd often sit for a half hour, just pouring over books. He was sleeping through the night at about 4 months, and he still naps at home on the weekend in the afternoon. At four years old now, if I need him to settle down, all I have to do is put a craft in front of him and he's good. He had a bit of attitude and testing around 3, and occasionally he'll go through a period where he's a pill for 2 weeks, usually surrounding a major change, but otherwise, he's relaxed. My friends teased me about it relentlessly. That is until number 2 came alone. He's a cheeky little monkey who is always on the go. He does have quiet periods, but not nearly as much as DS1. He also has a temper and a half and if he doesn't get what he wants, he has a blood curdling scream. He does have a mild speech delay though, so that can account for part of it. Thankfully, for my eardrums, he's catching up quickly!

[Caneel]

DS, as my mom describes him and I don't disagree, was a dream baby and child. NOTHING phased him. It was like he was happy to join us and come along for the ride.

Around 3.5 years, there was a major shift. His personality really came out (or developed) and very quickly we realized "ah ha, this is why some parents do X, Y, Z..... "

Nothing awful or bad (well, truth be told my patience is seriously tested much more than ever before) but a definately change occured and we needed to shift gears as a result.

[buckeye_bebe]

Yep, some children are easy. My first was a difficult baby, but easy pregnancy, easy birth, and easy after infancy. She became easy as soon as she developed any kind of independence, like feeding herself or even just sitting up or following direction. Now that she is older, she isn't difficult, the issues now are me, not her.

But since she was so "easy" (except for infancy, when I wanted to flee the country), I fear she has ruined me for any other children. In that I am afraid that subsequent children may be perceived as "difficult" since she was so "easy". But like I said, now the problems are with me. When she was a baby, she was difficult. Thankfully she grew out of it

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by limette

DD2 has never been easy. She cried all through infancy and is grumping her way through toddlerhood (she's almost 2). She's tends to dramatics and is a little ocd. Hopefully she'll hit an easy stage some day!

My 2nd child screamed through the first year of her life and was impossible as a toddler. She is 11 now and is amazing. She's sweet as can be (though a little highly strung from time to time). She's good at everything she tries and is a complete joy. She's really sweet to others.

Not bragging -- just letting you know that there's hope!

[Dov'sMom]

Originally Posted by AutumnAir

Is it possible that the people who had easy babies *think* that their toddler is difficult by comparison to how easy they were as infants, when in fact they're not really difficult at all?

On the other side of the coin I think my 2 year old DD is much easier compared to the extreme high needs that she exhibited as a baby, but I think she's probably still difficult by most people's standards, KWIM? She has at least 2-3 major tantrums every day, is incredibly energetic, needs a lot of input/interaction from me, still doesn't STTN, often waking 6 + times a night - but she's *much* easier than she was as an infant!

I'm scared about the second one though - I don't think I have it in me to cope with another one like DD is/was.

I don't think so. My boys are 14 months apart, so they're going through their phases fairly close together.

My DS1 was the easiest baby in the world. True, he liked to be held, but if he cried (he either calmed down immediately upon being picked up or he was hungry/dirty. DS2 was an extremely high needs baby. He screamed straight through his first six months, no matter what you did for him (though he screamed worse if you dared to put him down) and was extremely clingy/sobby for the next six months as well.

DS1 has had a much harder transition into toddler/preschooler. He is very quiet and shy around other people but causes deliberate unrepentant trouble at home all the time. I turn my back and the oatmeal is poured all over the floor "because I wanted to." DS2 is a much easier toddler/preschooler. He is very outgoing with other kids, even strangers, and he generally won't do something if he thinks it will bother me.

Very, very different personalities. And it's not that DS2 is the easier toddler given his babyhood -- he's the easier toddler period. He sleeps through the night more often than DS1. He wakes up happy and sunny and looking for fun whereas DS1 wakes up grumpy and unhappy.