I was reading the thread about 'What do you wish you would have known beforehand?' It is a really great thread, but it got me thinking about stuff I wish I had known about my mw. I ended up with not a great mw and I kinda feel like I'm the only one. I know most hb mw are really wonderful dedicated ladies but mine.....well....was a different story.
my birth was different than most, let me just say that. So this is probably just one HUGE VENT. My mw was TOTALLY out of it. She really should have called her backup. She told me prenatally that she had births 2 weeks prior and post to mine and that she has never had 2 come so close she couldn't make it (should have been a red flag). She came to my birth directly from another, had to have her husband deliver and setup the birthpool (only because dh INSISTED on her making good on her commitment) and had another birth two days later. When I needed her in that postpartum week I really had to force her to show up. I only asked her to come once, but it was a pain. And now that I'm expecting #2 I hear through the grapevine that she is doing 3-4 births a month! I know the backup she had on call for my birth is taking a sabatical. I feel really bad for her current clients. I've heard one mom had asked her to come to her birth, cried for an hour when she refused, said she wasn't really in labor yet, and finally showed up after another call barely in time. In my mind this is scarey and doesn't help the birth climate in our area one bit.
We went with her because she is by far the most experienced mw around (there aren't a bunch of choices either). I totally attribute our transport to her sleeping through my labor and missing out on early signs. I ended up with a distended bladder and she couldn't cath me. My friend ( who used to be a nurse) said she should have tried another size cath. When I got to the hospital and they cathed me I filled the bag! You just can't push out a baby with a huge bladder! So of course, I ended up with a ton of interventions that IMHO we a direct result of my mw sleeping on the job and missing little stuff that ended up as big stuff. I was hands and knees for the majority of the 18hours prior to transport and they were killing me. I asked for pillows but she said I wouldn't want to get blood on them, so no pillows. I asked for a rebozo to help with baby descending/engaging, she had me do that on hands and knees and just jiggled me. Maybe over the door would have helped ds get in a really great position. I asked if baby was in a good position and she said it can be hard to tell. I tried to be compliant with changing position but there was one that was OMG horrible. Like a train running over me (not a nice amtrak, but 100+ freight cars loaded with coal train @ 70mph). She just kept saying I was 'gonna have to go there'. She kept turning OFF the hypnobabies cd because I was too relaxed. I guess she wanted to hear me scream. She only charted fht twice in 18hours. I don't think that impeded labor but it just seems like poor management particularly when you chart the reason for transport was fht. She told me we were transporting because she didn't want ME to get to tired eventhough I kept telling her I felt great. It just didn't feel like she was with it. I've since heard that she can be a really great mw, but it is the luck of the draw if you get her when she is ON.
Once we got to the hospital she went home to sleep but did not tell me or DH directly, she'd tell our friend. I understand she was tired, but come on, I'm the client, tell me yourself. Once she was better rested she did some great perineal massage, like actually helping the bones to open up, until the nurse had a cow. Too bad she didn't do it before we transported. She really didn't take the doula roll like she said she would, she just hung out and held up the wall. She didn't say anything about turning down the epidural so I could actually feel the pushing. Ended up I couldn't tell if I was pushing or just holding my breath. I pushed for about 3 hours right on my tailbone, exactly what I thought mws were suppose to advocate against (she suggested the position). DS was born via VE, gray with severe bruising, shoulder distocia (I'm sure from my position) and a broken clavicle. It was heartbreaking to know that ds was afraid to nurse because of the pain it caused him.
In hindsight, I can now see that our mw answered our questions but didn't provide any additional info. Like pros/cons in a given situation so we could make well informed decisions. This was very frustrating, sometimes you just don't know what questions you should be asking and you need a mw to be forthcoming with their knowledge. I thought we were well educated but you hire a mw for their expertise. She did tell me though she learned alot when they stitched me up. I'm glad it was a good learning experience for her.
At my postpartum at her office she was relaying an interesting story of a mw from another country who has moved here to her assistant. She was in disbelief that that mw could do so many births and not get burned out. It was eerie for me to hear that at the time. Only later and after the 'everything is wonderful' baby hormones were gone did I realize that my mw was burned out.
Again, I'm sure that most mws are amazing at their job and most hbs are a beautiful and gratifying experience. But, our experienced mw did not equal an amazing mw. It was mediocre at best and came with some life long scars for our son.
We will having a homebirth this time around with a different midwife. I think she is a good fit and we have been having some great conversations about expectations and how to handle things. Boy, dh really did grill her at our first meeting. I feel bad in a way, but she did beautifully and it really boosted our confidence in her. I have also been seeing a counselor and it is helping some. I do apologize this is such a negative post when most everyone here tries so hard to remain positive. Honestly, I'm hoping this post and your replies will help the healing process. Thanks for reading such a book.
my birth was different than most, let me just say that. So this is probably just one HUGE VENT. My mw was TOTALLY out of it. She really should have called her backup. She told me prenatally that she had births 2 weeks prior and post to mine and that she has never had 2 come so close she couldn't make it (should have been a red flag). She came to my birth directly from another, had to have her husband deliver and setup the birthpool (only because dh INSISTED on her making good on her commitment) and had another birth two days later. When I needed her in that postpartum week I really had to force her to show up. I only asked her to come once, but it was a pain. And now that I'm expecting #2 I hear through the grapevine that she is doing 3-4 births a month! I know the backup she had on call for my birth is taking a sabatical. I feel really bad for her current clients. I've heard one mom had asked her to come to her birth, cried for an hour when she refused, said she wasn't really in labor yet, and finally showed up after another call barely in time. In my mind this is scarey and doesn't help the birth climate in our area one bit.
We went with her because she is by far the most experienced mw around (there aren't a bunch of choices either). I totally attribute our transport to her sleeping through my labor and missing out on early signs. I ended up with a distended bladder and she couldn't cath me. My friend ( who used to be a nurse) said she should have tried another size cath. When I got to the hospital and they cathed me I filled the bag! You just can't push out a baby with a huge bladder! So of course, I ended up with a ton of interventions that IMHO we a direct result of my mw sleeping on the job and missing little stuff that ended up as big stuff. I was hands and knees for the majority of the 18hours prior to transport and they were killing me. I asked for pillows but she said I wouldn't want to get blood on them, so no pillows. I asked for a rebozo to help with baby descending/engaging, she had me do that on hands and knees and just jiggled me. Maybe over the door would have helped ds get in a really great position. I asked if baby was in a good position and she said it can be hard to tell. I tried to be compliant with changing position but there was one that was OMG horrible. Like a train running over me (not a nice amtrak, but 100+ freight cars loaded with coal train @ 70mph). She just kept saying I was 'gonna have to go there'. She kept turning OFF the hypnobabies cd because I was too relaxed. I guess she wanted to hear me scream. She only charted fht twice in 18hours. I don't think that impeded labor but it just seems like poor management particularly when you chart the reason for transport was fht. She told me we were transporting because she didn't want ME to get to tired eventhough I kept telling her I felt great. It just didn't feel like she was with it. I've since heard that she can be a really great mw, but it is the luck of the draw if you get her when she is ON.
Once we got to the hospital she went home to sleep but did not tell me or DH directly, she'd tell our friend. I understand she was tired, but come on, I'm the client, tell me yourself. Once she was better rested she did some great perineal massage, like actually helping the bones to open up, until the nurse had a cow. Too bad she didn't do it before we transported. She really didn't take the doula roll like she said she would, she just hung out and held up the wall. She didn't say anything about turning down the epidural so I could actually feel the pushing. Ended up I couldn't tell if I was pushing or just holding my breath. I pushed for about 3 hours right on my tailbone, exactly what I thought mws were suppose to advocate against (she suggested the position). DS was born via VE, gray with severe bruising, shoulder distocia (I'm sure from my position) and a broken clavicle. It was heartbreaking to know that ds was afraid to nurse because of the pain it caused him.
In hindsight, I can now see that our mw answered our questions but didn't provide any additional info. Like pros/cons in a given situation so we could make well informed decisions. This was very frustrating, sometimes you just don't know what questions you should be asking and you need a mw to be forthcoming with their knowledge. I thought we were well educated but you hire a mw for their expertise. She did tell me though she learned alot when they stitched me up. I'm glad it was a good learning experience for her.
At my postpartum at her office she was relaying an interesting story of a mw from another country who has moved here to her assistant. She was in disbelief that that mw could do so many births and not get burned out. It was eerie for me to hear that at the time. Only later and after the 'everything is wonderful' baby hormones were gone did I realize that my mw was burned out.Again, I'm sure that most mws are amazing at their job and most hbs are a beautiful and gratifying experience. But, our experienced mw did not equal an amazing mw. It was mediocre at best and came with some life long scars for our son.
We will having a homebirth this time around with a different midwife. I think she is a good fit and we have been having some great conversations about expectations and how to handle things. Boy, dh really did grill her at our first meeting. I feel bad in a way, but she did beautifully and it really boosted our confidence in her. I have also been seeing a counselor and it is helping some. I do apologize this is such a negative post when most everyone here tries so hard to remain positive. Honestly, I'm hoping this post and your replies will help the healing process. Thanks for reading such a book.
), but when I declined her checking me (b/c it was so uncomfortable during contractions), she got really snippy with me until I consented.
