I need some advice - Page 2

[JL83]

Originally Posted by JL'smom

DD's aren't running around stomping and screaming they are just being 2 and 4 yo's.

What do you mean by "just being 2 and 4 yo's."?

I have a 3yo and, as I said above, we live in communal housing. We share 2 walls. She's been capable of using a normal inside voice when we're inside for well over a year. While she does occasionally slip up and yell, we remind her that we need to be polite to the people who live on either side of us and use our inside voices.

This doesn't hurt her in any way. It's not not attachment parenting.

Children need to be fed and housed and loved. They don't "need" to be loud inside. Even if we didn't share walls, we would not allow her to be loud. I can't stand loud noises.

When she wants to be loud, we go outside. I live in Canada and it's well below freezing right now, so it's possible to go outside in all weather.

I might horrify you, we also don't allow running inside our house.

[TinkerBelle]

Children should be taught to keep voices down and be considerate of others, etc. My kids are not allowed to rip and tear around the house, being loud. I am not saying it never happens, but I do not allow it. No one "needs" to be loud. And to me, running in the house is a safety issue.

However, it is unreasonable to expect perfect quiet all day long, especially from small children. The ILS can use ear plugs, and soundproof their room as best as they can. That is what lot of people I know, who sleep during the day and work nights, do.

[seaheroine]

Originally Posted by JL83

What do you mean by "just being 2 and 4 yo's."?

I have a 3yo and, as I said above, we live in communal housing. We share 2 walls. She's been capable of using a normal inside voice when we're inside for well over a year. While she does occasionally slip up and yell, we remind her that we need to be polite to the people who live on either side of us and use our inside voices.

This doesn't hurt her in any way. It's not not attachment parenting.

Children need to be fed and housed and loved. They don't "need" to be loud inside. Even if we didn't share walls, we would not allow her to be loud. I can't stand loud noises.

When she wants to be loud, we go outside. I live in Canada and it's well below freezing right now, so it's possible to go outside in all weather.

I might horrify you, we also don't allow running inside our house.

Some 2yos and 4yos might have naturally louder voices than yours? I don't really see how your posts are helping the OP. ??? She said they aren't yelling or creating chaos.

Our house is small and one can hear everything anyone is saying, even in another room. DD's voice projects, particularly when she is excited, but she is not yelling. She is simply speaking in her natural tone, inflection and decibel, and I'm not going to be constantly shushing her (as much as I'd prefer absolute silence). I chose to have her around and don't want to give her a complex.

Our neighbor's children frequently play loudly outside in the yard. Not yelling or shrieking but simply communicating in their own exuberant way. They're children, not mini-adults. I expect they'll grow quieter as they grow older and for now take measures, such as shutting the windows, to muffle the noise a bit. Just being 2yos and 4yos.

OP, I feel you. Our walls are so paper-thin, it would be impossible for anyone to expect not to hear DD across the house, particularly now at 2yo. I'd have a good, long talk about this with your DH and ILs. Earplugs are a great idea, and maybe a "quiet hour" for them, puzzles or quiet stories, but I think silence is totally an unrealistic expectation for a house with small children. Your ILs should really understand that. I'm really sorry you seem to be the only one who sees this.

[snarky]

I'd talk to the adults to see if there was a way for the sleeper to get up and deal with the issue with the kids if it was truly impossible to sleep due to kid noise. If it is truly a problem, the sleeper who can't sleep can deal with it.

It's tough as a kid sharing a house with somebody that works nights. My mom was a nurse and from time to time she'd get up and yell at us for not being quiet enough. It was no fun, always a drag on every activity.

[SunshineJ]

I grew up in a house where my uncle worked 3rd shift. The way it was set up was that my uncle lived in the basement of the house. My grandmother ran a preschool/daycare upstairs, and I can promise you it was never completely quiet. However, the area she had the kids in most of the time was far enough away from my uncles bedroom that the kids could be kids in there. If they went into other parts of the house she taught them to be quiet and respectful of other people including the one sleeping downstairs. Is there any way to setup an arrangement like that where there's one room the kids can get a little lounder? Really, the bottom line is that this is YOUR house and while it's nice and very considerate that you're taking your in-laws sleeping arrangements into consideration, I think it's really rude of them to be shushing your children all the time. I also like the idea of soundproofing their bedroom better. At 2 and 4 years old we had tantrums, fights, accidents that resulted in crying - all kinds of things that make a lot of noise. Normal childhood events. Children don't have to be out of control off the walls to still make quite a bit of noise, and I'm really surprised people think that to be the case!