she thinks she had her first date and she is only 9!

[onthemove]

My dd is turning 10 in a few months. A couple of weeks ago she invited a boy over 'to play' they ran around the back field and then went over to the park behind our house. When the boy left my dd and I were in the bathroom brushing her hair when she said "that felt like a date". I took a deep breath and asked why she felt that way. She said " he leaned into me and I thought he was going to kiss me" and I asked if he did. She replied "no, he just wanted to tell me a secret" phew. Did that make you tingle when he leaned into you? "eww mom blech no."(good answer)

Soooo, we are at her friends home last night for a birthday dinner and the mom pulls me aside and tells me dd told her dd that it felt like she had her first date! I am sooo bewildered as to how to handle this, this is all happening so fast! She wants to have this boy over again and I don't know what to do. Please any thoughts, insights, advice would be appreciated before I talk to her about this.

[karne]

I advise calm, calm, calm. Kids play with ideas, try out thoughts, etc. in the safety of secure relationships. I would encourage the friendship piece-this is my particular bug. I think boy/girl friendships are discoutraged, or at least not seen as OK in our area, anyway, and I think it's a real shame. Lots of feelings float around in preadolescence, although your child is pretty yopung. My guess is that she's trying out some language and ideas with you.

[onthemove]

I think you are probably right...this particular boy is a new relationship and it probably felt different to be around him and she probably was just "trying out some language" with me and her friends.

[Heavenly]

Personally, I would make it very clear that it was NOT a date and that my child was much too young too date. I would respect her feelings but no way would I encourage talk of a boy/girl dating relationship at 9 years of age!

[pranamama]

the brady bunch had an episode that reminded me of your story, it was very sweet. I wish I could remember which season it was.

[chfriend]

I might let my dd know that the friend she confided in seems to be gossip-y.

[Auntie Sapphire]

I would ask her what she thinks a "date" means. Do you know where she's getting ideas about romantic relationships from? (grumble grumble 8 year old niece obsessed with Disney channel programs grumble grumble)

[onthemove]

she doesn't watch alot of tv but she loves shows like mantracker and survivorman when she does, she has no real interest in personal grooming and wearing pretty clothes, she is very much a tom boy. She loves to be out starting fires on the river bank(with supervision), playing manhunt and skiing. She rarely played with dolls preferring lego and blocks.

however, we had her parent/teacher meeting last night and the teacher mentioned dd is very creative and has asked her if she is allowed to put violence in her stories. The teacher mentioned she was a little disturbed by this and asked her what she meant by violence. Dd said it meant a character falling out of a tree and bleeding or breaking a bone. We explained that the violence she was referring to didn't carry any intent to harm with it and is fine in her stories. I think this was another case of "trying out some language".

We did have a chat with her about dating and that we won't allow her to date until she is 13 or older and to just enjoy her youth and friendships without all that other 'adult stuff' getting in the way.

As for her friend she is a very studious, talented, sweet girl and wasn't gossiping, her mom just overheard the conversation between her dd and my dd.

[wemoon]

My DD is 10 and has a 'boyfriend.' Basically, they just hang out at school together and once in awhile talk on the phone. I don't get all freaked out about it. I would much rather my kids can openly tell me about attractions than have them hide it because I say they can't date until some certain age.