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Do I have a right to feel this way? - Page 2

post #21 of 23
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by lmk1 View Post
But on top of your 34 hours, you also have 40 working hours?
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
Exactly! If you want to be fair, that 34 would be pretty much split in half.

That's a very good point!

Thanks to this thread, I got inspired to take a water aerobics class on Saturday mornings. I did it during my first pregnancy, and it was great. I'm going with a couple of friends, so maybe we'll hang out at a coffee shop or somewhere else afterwards. Hmm... I can see this turning into an all morning thing The nice thing is, it will be early enough that DH can still do stuff in the afternoon and DD and I can, too. Win-win. Saturday mornings usually consist of a lot of lying about and too much cartoon watching, anyway, so I won't be missing much.

Thanks again for the support. We all deserve a bit of a break every so often.
post #22 of 23
To chime in-- when my husband is working out of home, I'm working in-home with the baby and the housework. When he gets off work, we split the time spent watching the baby, pretty much down the middle. I take night-time parenting but since she sleeps great that isn't a problem.

It seems fair to both of us.
post #23 of 23
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
If you need "me time" you must, must, must schedule it into your life. Put it on your calendar. Just a few hours a week can be magical. I think in general, men are more receptive to assertive behavior. I don't know how much they notice if their spouses seem overwhelmed. I hope that isnt a UAV, I don't mean it in a sexist way. In other words you need to tell him, "Honey, I want an hour to myself everyday after work, does that seem fair?" Don't just expect him to notice that you need a break.
Yes, yes, yes.

I have gotten the sense that most SAHMs are on duty all the time and that most working dads have no mental anguish about taking "me time," but I'm not a man. I'm a mom who suffers from that common female malady -- guilt. Sigh. Why is it so hard? Thanks for letting me know that I'm not just being selfish and unreasonable.
This is a good observation.

Part of the problem is that we moms think the dads should be seeing it our way. And I do think they should. I think there needs to be a meeting half way. Moms tend to totally loose themselves to intense parenting. We're very willing to make that sacrifice.

I'm 42 and my youngest is 10 y.o. My perspective from this side of parenting
is that I wish I'd known that there is a high price to be paid for a woman who dives head long into parental sacrifice, and if I didn't want to become completely resentful and bitter I needed to give myself permission to take a break.

My experience: I didn't need to ask my dh for a break. I needed to value taking time for myself. Yes, the guys need to man up a lot of the time and be there more. Not expect that they're going to be able to hang with the guys and jam as much as before. Maybe even NOT AT ALL for a while. But both parents need to make changes.
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