Please help me help my friend!

[kittykat2481]

I'm trying to think of some resources to help a friend of mine who is at the end of her rope. She has a 2 year old (turned 2 in Nov or Dec), a 9 month old, and she's about 4 months pregnant. Her 2 year old DS has always been precocious and active, but well within reason. Lately though, his behavior is escalating to the point that she's feeling very overwhelmed and not enjoying her son. He's always been fearless, and she swears that it's like he doesn't feel pain. Just in the last 2 days, he's leaped repeatedly off of the woodburning stove in their house, leaving a huge gash/bruise on the side of his face, and yet he doesn't stop. She removed that from the house today. She had to screw the screen to the front of the fireplace. She had to take the legs off of furniture to keep it from tipping over when he climbs on it. He is generally destructive and dangerous. She is very afraid that he is going to get hurt seriously. On top of that, she feels like she is neglecting the baby and doesn't know how she's going to deal with another baby in a few months. She says she just feels like it's "beyond normal".

She has tried everything she can think of so far and nothing has helped. She tries to give him special positive attention - reading to him, cooking with him, playing outside. She doesn't feel that it's an issue with his baby brother because he never acts out towards him. He's always begging to play with his brother, even when he's sleeping. She made an appointment with his pedi for this week because she just doesn't know what else to do. She is considering putting him in daycare just so she can get a break. I'm worried about her. If anyone has any ideas, books to read, etc I know it would really help. Thank you!

[Lilyoftheincas13]

Originally Posted by kittykat2481

I'm trying to think of some resources to help a friend of mine who is at the end of her rope. She has a 2 year old (turned 2 in Nov or Dec), a 9 month old, and she's about 4 months pregnant. Her 2 year old DS has always been precocious and active, but well within reason. Lately though, his behavior is escalating to the point that she's feeling very overwhelmed and not enjoying her son. He's always been fearless, and she swears that it's like he doesn't feel pain. Just in the last 2 days, he's leaped repeatedly off of the woodburning stove in their house, leaving a huge gash/bruise on the side of his face, and yet he doesn't stop. She removed that from the house today. She had to screw the screen to the front of the fireplace. She had to take the legs off of furniture to keep it from tipping over when he climbs on it. He is generally destructive and dangerous. She is very afraid that he is going to get hurt seriously. On top of that, she feels like she is neglecting the baby and doesn't know how she's going to deal with another baby in a few months. She says she just feels like it's "beyond normal".

She has tried everything she can think of so far and nothing has helped. She tries to give him special positive attention - reading to him, cooking with him, playing outside. She doesn't feel that it's an issue with his baby brother because he never acts out towards him. He's always begging to play with his brother, even when he's sleeping. She made an appointment with his pedi for this week because she just doesn't know what else to do. She is considering putting him in daycare just so she can get a break. I'm worried about her. If anyone has any ideas, books to read, etc I know it would really help. Thank you!

The only (possibly) worthwhile thought I had while reading this is to wonder whether or not your friend's little one actually IS feeling pain. Seems like a repetitive, gaping wound in your head would make one want to stop the behavior causing it. Is it worth asking her if she's talked about this with her pediatrician or family doctor? I know there are people who really don't feel pain like we're supposed to, so it may be a good place to start so she doesn't feel like she's going crazy.

Hope things get better for her...

[kittykat2481]

Originally Posted by Lilyoftheincas13

The only (possibly) worthwhile thought I had while reading this is to wonder whether or not your friend's little one actually IS feeling pain. Seems like a repetitive, gaping wound in your head would make one want to stop the behavior causing it. Is it worth asking her if she's talked about this with her pediatrician or family doctor? I know there are people who really don't feel pain like we're supposed to, so it may be a good place to start so she doesn't feel like she's going crazy.

Hope things get better for her...

Yes, she is starting to consider a sensory disorder or something. Just before Christmas he was in an accident and broke his leg badly. I remember commenting that it was like he didn't even cry when it happened.

[peaceful_mama]

Maybe a part-time preschool would actually be really good for him and her, along with considering a sensory issue. Most school districts offer free screening, possibly her child will qualify for something free even. I think almost *anybody* would be a little overwhelmed with 3 very young children, it's only going to get harder with a new baby to do things with the oldest. And I think he might benefit from the structure and stimulation of a quality preschool program. (here I've found the part-day preschools have in general the more structured, quality programs with higher-qualified teachers...someone who has invested time and money into a degree obviously cares about it as a career, not just a 'job.') Plus with it being part-day, if she feels at all guilty about him spending full days away if he went to daycare...and it would be less expensive if she did have to pay for it. Just a thought. (My kids one qualified under IEP and one is qualifying by income to go to our school district's half-day preschool. DD won't go till fall, possibly--if she gets in because they take 4 yos first.)

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

When reading the OP, the first thing that sprang to mind was SPD. Alot of mamas here at MDC say they really started to see a problem around the age of two.

I would have to say if hes not acting out, its not behavioral. SPD is the first avenue I would try. Good luck to her........

PS, Does she know what BC is? Just kidding My two boys are 14 months apart. I would cry if I found I out I was preggo right now. GOD BLESS HER!

[BetsyNY]

Yeah, sensory processing disorder for sure. She should get an OT eval.

[honey-lilac]

That's my son to a T. He has sensory processing issues as well and was in therapy which we recently stopped. It's amazing how hard it is when you have a super active, destructive, always on the go kid who doesn't learn from one hurt to another. Our house has been pretty much completely childproofed (and bare) for most of his toddlerhood. He is turning 3 now and it is worlds better than it was just a year ago because we can verbally tell him more and his impluse control is a tad better, but it's still really hard. I have a daughter 10 months younger than him, I can't imagine having been pregnant with a third when he was turning 2. I would have dang lost my mind. Although I am a homeschooler at heart I too might recommend a part time preschool or even mother's helper if they can afford it. (We couldn't, but that's a different issue altogether.) Mommies need that recharge time too when there's a "spirited" child in the picture.