jealous of working moms?

[momtoS]

lately....especially this past week I have been thinking about the other side of the fence...you know...the grass is greener?

I stay at home....and I am responsible for everything and very very rarely get a break. And if I do get a break....it is for a doctor appointment.

So...I dream of working. I would get a coffee break....with no kids crying or fighting. I would get one hour lunch break....alone! I would be able to hire a housekeeper once a week.

BUt...I don't really want to work outside the home....I don't want to miss the good stuff either.

Does anyone understand this?

[Path2Felicity]

YES.

I am constantly struggling with myself about this. When I was hardcore into my career, I was really having a good time. Sure, I was working long and hard hours and I would be exhausted. Sure, sometimes I wanted a day off (and I would take one!). Sure, I could definitely do without office politics in my life.

But, I was constantly mentally stimulated, and I was successful. I loved the social interaction.

Being a SAHM is HARDER than having a career for sure (for me at least.... I dont' want to speak for anyone else). I don't really get breaks, social interaction is limited, and I am not terribly mentally stimulated. I would love to go back to work and have just adult-time.

But, I don't really trust anyone with DD at the moment. Nobody can do it like I can. Plus, I think it's developmentally the best thing for her if I stayed at home for awhile.

It's been a hard adjustment for me, and sometimes I'm really conflicted. Sigh. I guess that's what motherhood is all about

[4Blessings]

No. I remember being a WOHM for the first year of my child's life. It sucked.

I cried all the way to work. Spent coffee breaks knowing that someone else was enjoying spending time with my child. Struggled through meetings thinking that the things being discussed weren't all that important compared to what my child might be needing at that moment.

Rushed home every night. Tried to make the hour we had together before bed "quality time".

Being a SAHM is tough but it is the best job in the world and the time goes by so fast! I've been home for eight years now and it seems like just yesterday that I was a working mom dreaming of staying home!

Enjoy it

[Sharlla]

I just went down to sub status at work since I had the baby. I really liked my job but the baby needs me at hime. But yeah, it was nice having DH be the SAHP. He did most of the housework, took care of the pets, getting away from the tantrumy 4 year old was nice.

I've worked really hard these last 3 years that I was WOH. Often times working more than 60 hours a week. I'm looking forward to being able to SAH, go to play groups again, have some time for craft projects etc. Of course my job was a caregiver at a group home with people with developmental disabilities so I had to listen to screaming clients all day, wipe buts and clean. Not too different than SAH LOL

[nina_yyc]

No. When I WOH I was responsible for everything and never got a break. Sure I could take a lunch break...but then I'd have to work twice as fast and put my name on crappy work to hit my deadline. Sure I could take a night off when DH was home...but family time was already so limited that I didn't want to miss the chance to hang out together. Oh, and let's not forget being up until 10:30 with the child who has over-napped at the day home or fallen asleep in the car, then waking up at 5:30 to do it all over again. If you aren't getting the breaks you need, something needs to change in your life, but adding 40 hours of wage slavery on top of your home responsibilities isn't going to fix it.

[elismum1908]

Yes. But I've come to realize the grass isn't greener, it's brown on both sides.

It's a huge financial challenge for me to stay home. Huge. We are racking up debt where as we had previously been debt free for years. So when I think about WOH I am focusing on the paycheck. I have been home for two years now and will be for at least another five. And I am already starting to worry about what this means for my career.

I know in my heart that I am doing what I want to do and what my family needs me to do, but there are days when I wonder what life would be like if I did WOH. The freedom from having a child clinging to me all.the.time, running errands childfree while on lunch break, getting a lunch break.........

[akwifeandmomma]

The grass isn't greener, it's just a different variety.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by momtoS

I stay at home....and I am responsible for everything and very very rarely get a break. And if I do get a break....it is for a doctor appointment.

I wouldn't be jealous. I was a SAHM for a short time, and I too was responsible for everything child related and very rarely got a break.

Now I work again. And I'm still responsible for everything child related, and rarely get a break.

Plus, now I have work responsiblities on top of everything else.

And if I do get a break...it is for a doctor appointment!

But there are pros and cons to each side.

[milkybean]

Nope, not jealous.

I remember working...not sure I ever had an adult conversation there. Conversations with my baby were more stimulating!

I also owned my own business for 5 years, and that was SO hard.

Didn't do either of those things while having a kid...don't want to! Seems I'd be in charge of work while at work, I'd be calling places during my lunch and break time that I can do any old time while at home, and then I'd get home and would still have to do all the things I do at home (I will be totally fair and say that DH is really good at splitting normal responsibilities and jumping in, especially when asked, if needed with things that I normally do). It sounds so tiring.

[Bellabaz]

I have days like this too. BUt with dd1 I went back to work when she was 10 weeks so I have been onthe other side. This side is in some ways more demanding but so much more enjoyable. For me personally its not a forever solution. I will be sah for the first year and then in the fall I will start studying French and a friend an I are talking about starting a business. But I am so loving this time with my little ones.

I realized I had to simply get better at asking for help and for breaks from dh. I was literally burnt out and it was going to get worse if he didnt step it up a little. Do you have someone to give you a break sometimes? Not even you dp, maybe another mom you can do babysitting exchanges with?

[scottishmommy]

This is why I work part time. I know it sounds terrible but I need to get out of the house and get paid a little bit. I still consider myself a SAHM because I'm fully responsible for the household stuff. Going to my job is a luxury....of course my "job" is singing and teaching opera. Surrounding yourself with beautiful music isn't too bad! I don't feel like I need a "break" per se, I just need a shift in routine. I don't mind working all day, but when it becomes monotonous I start to feel icky.

[earthgirl]

Yes and no. Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm cut out for this SAHM thing. But my background is in child care so I certainly can't get excited about putting DD in child care so I can go provide child care to other children. But I do wish I had something that pulled me out of mom-wife mode more often. And I definitely think we could benefit from the extra income. Really, I think women just have terrible choices in our culture and I would imagine that most mothers would like a different situation on some level.

[Imogen]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

This is why I work part time. I know it sounds terrible but I need to get out of the house and get paid a little bit. I still consider myself a SAHM because I'm fully responsible for the household stuff. Going to my job is a luxury....of course my "job" is singing and teaching opera. Surrounding yourself with beautiful music isn't too bad! I don't feel like I need a "break" per se, I just need a shift in routine. I don't mind working all day, but when it becomes monotonous I start to feel icky.

It doesn't sound terrible at all, nor do you have any reason to justify it

[NiteNicole]

Kind of? Not really? Maybe a little? Some, but not all?

I do know a few friends who manage to balance being the kind of mom they want to be with having a job they've always dreamed of. Well, SURE, I wouldn't mind having the best of everything (and also, I wouldn't mind knowing what I want to be when I grow up)! I'm a little bit in awe of people who manage to be passionate about parentin/home/family and passionate about something that makes money as well.

[ElsieLC]

I totally get this!

Fantasy about work:
1. Money
2. Things remain where I put them!
3. Have something else to talk about besides coloring pages and diaper brands
4. Mental time to myself
5. Go to bathroom alone

I spent time recently with a friend who is on maternity leave with her second child. She and spouse have good-paying jobs and a nanny and their kids are "easy" kids. She talked about how it was hard to juggle the two kids on a Saturday when her husband has to work. I totally get this and feel compassion for her but at the same time my head wants to explode.

[claddaghmom]

No, I'm not. And I don't want to stir up bad feelings so that is it.

[berry987]

No. I went through a phase where I was jealous and I then really thought about the schedule we'd need to keep and the jealousy went away. I'm jealous of their wardrobes, but not their lives.

[Katsmamajama]

I had a momentary "freak out session" where I thought that was what I wanted, to go back to work. I did the SAHM thing when DD1 was first born, until she was 4, and I loved it. I went back to work after that until June '08, when we moved to Hawaii, and we (DH and I) made the decision that I would stay home, and we'd be a 1 car family. So I stay home, and volunteer like crazy at DD1's school behind the house because otherwise I'm stuck at home!

Now that DD2 is here, I sling her and still volunteer, but it hit me a few weeks ago that I'm going to be 30 in June, I have no degree yet, and I have NOTHING to show for my life to this point as far as a career. Sure, I have two beautiful, healthy girls, and DD1 is well-behaved, talented, and athletic......but can I retire on that? I hear other moms around me talking about their careers, and it stings a bit.

My saving grace, though, is DH is almost done with his military career. Our (tentative) plan is when we move again in a few months, I'll start looking at attending pre-requisite courses at nights or online, and I should hopefully have a degree (or be close to it) by the time DH's retirement is here. He figures we'll be able to "trade places" then-- I'll have the career, and he'll stay home with the kids. I just have to be patient until then, I guess.....

[SoCaliMommy]

Yes sometimes.

I was thinking about it earlier when my cousin announced on facebook she got a job, but then i thought how sad that she doesn't get feel the joy from staying home with her kids that she wants to work. * she has a 3yr old and 5month old twins*.

I love being home with my kids, i've never had a real job even before the kids.

[JHopesMomma]

Just wanted to say I'm a WOH FT mom who was actually checking out this part of MDC because I'm feeling jealous (well, most of the time I am!!) of SAHMs. I understand your feelings, because I always am so conflicted about what to do. I've done the whole pros and cons thing, and for me the only pros about working full-time are the financial benefits and maybe a "sense of accomplishment". I worked really hard to get to where I am career-wise, but at the end of my career, if I don't take care of my family and let things go at home, then I run the risk of ended up a very "accomplished" woman, but also a very lonely woman. This is why I've decided to get out (I'm military, so I have a service committment...14 months left!). My DD just turned 1, and has been going through separation anxiety since about 8 months old. It's heart-wrenching to leave her in the morning because she screams and looks at me like I'm betraying her (I'm sure lots of people would say I am betraying her...but, I feel plenty guilty already...). I also get really stressed out about the condition of our home because I can either spend what time I do have at home cleaning and organizing or with my husband and baby - most of the time it's "let's get take-out and worry about the laundry later!"

I guess ultimately you have to do what's best for you and your family. I know some moms get way stressed out staying at home, and are much better moms and wives when they're able to work, and vice versa. Maybe if you know in your heart you do want to stay at home, when those feelings of jealousy crop up, do a pros and cons thing - looking at both sides often gives you better perspective than just looking at the "other side".