Please please help. I don't know what to do...

[rocketgirl96]

We never did CIO and now my son just turned 2 years old and he can not go to sleep without nursing or rocking. Lately, he hasn't wanted to nurse to sleep but have my DH rock him to sleep. My DH is a great father, but there have been a few times lately that he's said he feels like a chump (his words) for having to keep rocking our son to sleep. I try to explain to him that he just doesn't have the skills yet to fall asleep on his own and the time will come when he can, but my DH says we shouldn't have to be doing this. I don't know what to do. I don't want my DH to feel like a chump for going along with what I wanted and not doing the whole CIO thing, but at the same time, if my son won't sleep on his own, what can I do? We've tried many different things in the past including every suggestion in the No Cry Sleep Solution, but nothing ever worked for my son. He also gets up multiple times at night but my husband only has to take care of the first one or two night wakings and I handle the rest (this is a recent development, I used to take care of ALL the night wakings since my DH is the one that has to get up to work - this was by my choice and not his so he's not as neanderthal as it sounds). When I couldn't handle all the night wakings by myself anymore, he really stepped up and is always willing to help. I think he's just frustrated that now that my son is 2, he still can not simply lay down (either by himself or with us) and go to sleep. I guess I just need people to tell me that eventually their children got self-soothing skills and at what age? Or at least commiserate with me so that I know I'm not alone.

Thanks,
Christine

[texmati]

I don't know the answer to al lof your questions, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I don't think your DH is bad for feeling like a chump! lol

My son is 5 months, and my DH rocks him to sleep daily. The look on DS face when they sit down in the chair is like... "Sigh, finally you got it right!". I just keep telling DH that this is such a short time in our lives-- pretty soon we'll be waking them up for school!

My DH sounds just like yours-- sometimes he takes on more than he can handle. I used to have to beg my husband to not wake up with DS and me at night. Perhaps you can give your husband a break for a little bit with the rocking, and take a break for yourself some other way?

[Baby_Cakes]

It might help your DH to know that there are many, many 2 year olds who still need help falling asleep. It's so hard when you think your child is "too old" for rocking to sleep, when all your friend's children just go to bed. I felt this way when my DD was 11 months old! I thought she was too old then!!
DD is now almost 17 months old and she still needs to be rocked to sleep.
That whole falling asleep on their own thing comes much later. You guys are not chumps! You haven't been manipulated or anything like that. You're simply doing things in a loving, nurturing way.

[kreeeesta]

Guess what? I'm in the same boat as you! For the most part. My son hasn't been rocked to sleep since he was an infant and just got to be too heavy to hold for that long and would wake up when we lay him down. (We didn't have a rocking chair unfortunately.) So he's been bf to sleep.

At least your husband helps out with night wake ups! He's the one, not me, that insists he needs his sleep since he's the one waking up early for work.

Our son just turned 2yo and I could probably count on one hand the number of times he has slept through the night (meaning 6+ straight hours) since he was about 4mo.

He (and I) sleep the best when we sleep together in the same bed. Not with daddy, just the two of us, since we don't have a king.

Of course DH doesn't like that we haven't been sharing a bed much for the past year and a half. So, a few weeks ago we set up a toddler bed in our room to see if we could get him to start sleeping on his own. It's been 3 weeks of barely any sleep for me. He wakes up about every 2 hours calling for me. I don't think I can do it any longer, so it may be back to our own bed again. I'm thinking that since there hasn't been any change for 3 weeks that he is just not emotionally ready to handle the sleeping alone thing, or even sleeping through the night.

Well, sorry I don't have much for suggestions. Just commiserating with you! Sometimes that's just as helpful! lol I too feel like "I'm the only one..." sometimes.

Good luck with everything and I say just keep up the sensitive, loving nighttime parenting you have been doing!

[blessedwithboys]

my 2 kids werent able to consistently self soothe to slepp until age 4

[Elizabeth2008]

I know this is not what you want to hear, but - enjoy it. This time will pass and you will look back on it a bit longingly. My DS as well needed rocking to sleep at that age or me snuggling with him while he drank his milk. Then shortly after 2 he progressed to reading books in bed lying down and I would have to read until he fell asleep. Then eventually, I said "we'll read 3 books and then lights out" and then I would lie next to him while he fell asleep. Anyway, the transitions just happen and your DS will be ready for them. Trust me, he won't need to be rocked forever. T

[Kuba'sMama]

Yea, mine too. My daughter just turned 4 and she still needs me to lie down with her to fall asleep, and she does still wake up at night. She doesn't cry, but comes to our bed basically every night. My son who is almost 7, can fall asleep on his own, but he does love it when his daddy lies down with him, for at least a bit! He does stay asleep all night though.
I think choosing to sleep with your kids, breastfeeding them to sleep, etc is a lifestyle you are choosing. Most of those kids simply will not sleep like the babies forced to CIO as infants. It doesn't mean they are "problem sleepers", they are simply taught to fall asleep with adults, they like it, and they need more time to learn to sleep on their own. It does happen eventually though!

[moonglowmama]

My kids were about 5 before they were able to fall asleep on their own. But, somewhere around 1.5-2 I couldn't handle the active going to sleep thing (rocking, nursing, etc). So we transitioned to just laying down together as a family to help them go to sleep.

To do that, we would say "let's go night-night" and when in bed we'd tell a story, then pray, maybe sing a little or whatever, and then dh and I would just relax and let them fall asleep. At first there was a little crying, or maybe whining is a better word for it. I attributed that to it just being a new routine and I remained relaxed, sending the vibe of "this is ok. we're here. it's ok to go to sleep." It didn't take very long before they were falling asleep easily in the bed with us. We would tip-toe out of the room to have time together before going back to bed ourselves.

I don't know if any of that sounds appealing to you. I do think it's important tht the parent doing bedtime is comfortable with the routine, and if not, knows things can change. You're a family unit and everyone is important. There might another way to help your child, and still help your dh not start to feel resentful at bedtime.