DS wants to go to "real school"

[peachsara]

My son is only 4 but was in a church pre-k program for a couple of years. We took him out in the fall, for many reasons, and have been looking into homeschooling. Lately, he has been begging to go back to "school". When I try to tell him that he gets to have school at home with mama and sister, he gets upset. He says that he already has a school and he has to go back there like other kids do. I've tried to explain that I can be his "teacher" but he insists that he already has a teacher and I am his "mama".

Should I just blow this off and hope that he'll get excited about hs'ing in time? DH sees this as a sign that we shouldn't homeschool him, but I'm thinking it's just a minor bump in the road.

Have y'all dealt with this with little ones before?

[dubatatamama]

Could you sit him down and talk to him about what it is he liked at "real school"? It could be something as easy as they have a really neat easel, or super cool train that he likes. He could've liked taking a backpack/lunchbag (if he used one) to school and thinks he won't get to if he doesn't go to "real school". Are there any HS groups in your area you could join in order to have him play with other kids that go to the same kind of "school" he does? Just some thoughts...good luck!

[atreyyena]

My son was the same way. Over time, as he asked where his aunt was (she's 11) I would say at school, and explain that she went right after breakfast and was there until dinner time (we ate dinner at 4pm, since they were in bed by 7).

I also LOVE the book 'I am learning all the Time'....awesome for a reasonable comparison between the two options. That did a lot to convince him, as did talking about his favorite things about pre=k (playing with trains) and what he thought he'd miss out on (lunch in a lunch box and having his own clock to wake up to). We also talked about what they'd learn in Kindy, most all of which he's known for a year or more.

After all of this extensive conversation, he decided he'd Prefer homeschool.

Of course I was glad because DH said if he didn't agree, we wouldn't try it-philosophy being that kids learn best in an environment they WANT to learn in.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by peachsara

My son is only 4 but was in a church pre-k program for a couple of years. We took him out in the fall, for many reasons, and have been looking into homeschooling. Lately, he has been begging to go back to "school". When I try to tell him that he gets to have school at home with mama and sister, he gets upset. He says that he already has a school and he has to go back there like other kids do. I've tried to explain that I can be his "teacher" but he insists that he already has a teacher and I am his "mama".

It seems to me that no matter what the two different settings are called, he wants to go back where he was enjoying that particular group experience, and being home with only a mom and sister is not filling his craving for whatever it was he liked so much about going there. And lots of children don't like the idea of their "moms" being their "teachers" - they want their moms to be their moms - so I can understand a four year old being upset by all the semantics involved. It sounds as if he has a clear picture of what he wants, and the terms being used are confusing and frustrating for him. It must be hard for him to accept what you mean by his home being "school," when what he wants is a place where there are lots of other children to play with, and probably lots of group activities to participate in. Four is awfully young for grasping all that. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions, though, other than to get him together in group settings with some other local homeschoolers. - Lillian

[DaughterOfKali]

My 7 yr old wants to go back. He only remembers the good parts about school. He seems to have forgotten that he was constantly overwhelmed; Always made fun; and Always getting sick.

Having said that, I'll be sending him back to school in the fall IF his bloodwork comes back ok.

[ariekannairb]

Well firstly let me say that I do not let my children make the educational choices in my house. Do I listen to what they have to say, yes, but at the end of the day I am the parent and what I say is best for them is best for them If I thought everything my child wanted was a "sign" then they would all be eating icecream for dinner every night and I am pretty sure my 1 year old would never wear clothes.

I would agree with PP's though. I would find out what it is about PS that he is missing. Maybe try doing a few field trips and then pointing out that if he were at PS he would not be getting to do that. Another thing that helped a friend of mine was to do a week of emulated ps. So she got the kids up in time to get on the bus, drove them around in circles for an hour, took them home and made them sit and do an hour of each class for 6 hours. During lunch they could not talk for the first 20 min and if they did not behave they lost time out of their 30 min recess, then they were assigned 2-4 hours worth of homework. Now I doubt you would have to do it to that extreeme but you could see how that got old to the kids really fast and they decided they prefered homeschooling!

[Kerimommyof2]

Hi ...well i know that this is tough on you..my dd who never went to public school she is 8 now used to ask alot!...but i found once i got her in home school groups where she saw other kids that home schooled like her..she was much more content with staying home
plus he is only 4....Try to think on his level...more then likley he is thinking about how he is gonna miss his friends.....why dont you see if you can set up reg play dates with some of the kids..that way he wont feel like everything is being took away...
Good luck

[peachsara]

The weird thing is, when he was at school, he never seemed happy. He would sort of withdraw into himself and never really buddied up with the other children. There were times dropping him off that I could sense his discomfort. Most days if I asked him about school after pick-up, he would yell at me that he didn't want to talk about it.

I think alot of it just comes from the books we read and television shows he watches. All of his favorite characters (Franklin, Arthur, the Berenstean Bears, etc) go to school, so it seems like he thinks he is supposed to be going to an official "school".

In the next few months, we are moving next to some of DH's family. I know there is going to be alot of pressure from family to put DS in school with his cousin (who is also his best friend). They get along great, but she has a really strong personality and tends to dominate him. I just really want him in an environment where he can be his own person instead of in her shadow, yk?

Thank you so much for all the encouragement. He seems so pitiful asking to go back to school but, that isn't an option right now anyway.

[mom2ponygirl]

My dd (now 11) felt similarly when she was 5 and we started homeschooling. She had attended Montessori and did feel some regret with leaving. I think for now I would stop telling him that you are his teacher. He feels the need to have you be 'mama' right now, so that is what you need to be. You can be the mama that helps him learn about things that interest him. He'll see through experience that you can be both without the label.

Once you move I would connect with the local homeschool group as soon as possible. I would go to group events and arrange playdates with similarly aged kids. Once he knows other kids who homeschool it will really help. Also it doesn't hurt to point out that he can have more playdates, go to places on weekdays like the library or museum when they aren't busy, etc. when he doesn't have to sit in school all day long!

It took my dd about 3 weeks to decide - homeshooling was the best!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by peachsara

I think alot of it just comes from the books we read and television shows he watches. All of his favorite characters (Franklin, Arthur, the Berenstean Bears, etc) go to school, so it seems like he thinks he is supposed to be going to an official "school"..

You might search out really fascinating books that have to do with children having more fantastic adventures in the world rather than attending school. Besides all the classic great ones, there's a sticky here in MDC on Books about children who homeschool, and they're not all necessarily about children who "homeschool" so much as children living outside the box. This post links to a book that describes lots of wonderful books that children love. - Lillian

[EmmysMama]

I just wanted to offer something more about the television shows. Has he watched Little Bear? I don't believe there's any school mentioned, but I do remember Emily (his friend) playing "teacher" at one point, and teaching the others something or other. They also teach each other jump-rope rhymes, Father Bear teaches Little Bear about whales and boats, etc. Definitely homeschool-esque.