Anyone truly hate their mother in law? - Page 9
This is mother in law 2. In the beginning I thought we were actually close then came my husbands mistress. He had an affair for two years(mistress also married).
My husbands entire family knew about her. She was the one invited to family functions, not me!
They even went to a BBQ she and my husband hosted at the mistress home while her husband was away on business!
I never received an apology, a birthday wish, nor invited to family weddings, etc. since then(2 yrs).
The part that hurts the most is my mother in law used to cry to me when her husband of 35 yrs left her and married his mistress! Yet she condoned her sons infidelity because the mistress was a wealthy lawyer and I'm a lowly nurse.
How can an entire family disrespect me like that?
I will never understand this
My MIL is so controlling, overbearing, over loading, self absorbed and delusional! I really dont know where to begin. Now we live 3 miles away from her do to a house opportunity that fell in our lap (whitch i still didnt want to take but my husband insisted) And i have to work with her because i went to school to be a cosmetoligst whitch is something ive always wanted to do, And my husband and her made me feel guilty for not going to her salon FML Are you kidding me! How do i get my self out of this? She calls me atleast once a day and i almost always ignore it, she likes to invite her self to places, I tell her im going to decorate my daughters room and she goes out before i have a chance and buys a bunch of stuff for her that i dont even want, and its like i understand you never had a daughter, but eaither have i and shes my daughter! She makes up so many stories its crazy! She once told Me my husband went to college to be a doctor off his scholar ships, 1 he never graduated high school 2 he had no scholar ships ever and 3 he never went to school to be a doctor! Anything you say she one ups. Shes always right. Shes loud and think shes a queen and her shit dont stink. She talks down about my family, Shes even told me my mom was a slut and that my baby niece is going to be fat... And im so not quick to say anything back because it takes me awhile to digest the fact that she really says this shit. She told one of her clients she had 7 foster kids she never even had 1! I mean i could go on! I have two kids and she totally favors my daughter and trys to take her over, I want to tell her so bad this isnt her life this is ours, and you need to get your own life! But every time i have tryed to talk to her about my feelings we end up getting into a huge fight! I feel totally traped by her and ever sence i got pregnet with my daughter she wont leave us alone! And i dont feel like i done have my husbands support %100 because hes the only child and his mom guilts him with the whole "your all i got" spill, and its like yeah ok you got one child, well guess what hes not a child anymore, hes a grown man with his own family now! And thats how i feel. Not that i dont want her to be apart of our life, because i do in small dosages. She makes my anziety so high! And i could go on. And in away i kinda feel bad for her because she didnt really have family growing up, but i kinda dont too because if she talked less about herself and how perfect and great she is all the time people might actually want to be around her also if she didnt try to take EVERYTHING over and make EVERYTHING about herslef, i wouldnt mind her around. But she takes everything over and everything good that happens is because of her always, and she makes up stories that are so far out there i cant handle it! Whenever i try to talk this over with my husband we end up fighting. And she likes to buy a lot of things for us im pretty positive for a control aspect and to look good. I dont know, any advise?
My mother in law is delusional, Controlling, overbearing, manipulative, lying, pshcyo witch. She makes up fake health problems to gain control, she fakes seizures, she is controlling and doesn't let my husband or I do anything with our kids while she's around. She came in my house one day and my daughter was around 1, she was cutting teeth and was chewing on the handle to a plastic baby fork, the handle is thick rubbery with little dots that stick out, might I add the bottom of the fork doesn't even hold noodles on it because they are rounded ends, not sharp at all couldn't even scratch something if you wanted to, well, my MIL walked in saw she had it in her hand, ripped it out of my daughter's hand threw it across my living room, and told my daughter, "Oh hunny grandma doesn't want you chewing on that you might scratch your hurt yourself with it" So it doesn't matter that I was right next to her supervising her? Good to know. She rips stuff out of my kid's hands all the time, she plays too rough with them, she was a horrible mother. She smacked my poor husband with a broom handle and in return he told her she was being a b*tch. So the good ol' mother in law and my husband's grandfather get a belt and beat him with it. His grandfather didn't care where it connected. She still defends that to this day saying that if he didn't call her a bitch it wouldn't have happened. well jeez, if I smacked my kids with a broom handle really hard and tried to lie and cover up the abuse and say oh it's just playing and they called me a bitch, well i think she deserved it. She shoved his father out of his life, he has had no contact with his father in 30 years. My children have never met thier grandfather. She knows no boundaries, she thinks we need to approve anyone who is going to babysit our children with her first. I could go on forever.
My problems might sound minor but they pretty much ruined my marriage and we are trying very hard to pick up the pieces now that dh finally had the nerve to cut them off. If he'd stood up to them before, I don't think it would have come to cutting them off.
I basically feel like they've been trying to sabotage our marriage from the beginning and I think that when dh began to see it is when he cut his parents off. Below is not a comprehensive list, just a snapshot of what they are like.
- When we were dating she wrote me a 3 page hate letter. She didn't even know me. There was nothing to hate but insisted that I wasn't very smart and that I was ruining her son's life. I'm guessing that since she had a shot gun wedding she thought that I would get pregnant and force her son into marriage.
- Anytime FIL heard me tell dh that I thought a baby was cute,
- FIL would warn dh that I was just with him to get pregnant (Ummm...don't these people get that I want a future with my college degree too???).
- They convinced DH that we should spend the second night of our marriage at their house.
- They insisted that we come visit for all major holidays intimidating dh but then ignored me when I was there and treated me like an outcast.
- They have encouraged dh to have a dependence on them (which thank goodness is gone now!)
- FIL gives out all kinds of unsolicited advice and it was a real problem when dh thought the advice was good and was following it. To the point of joining his parents in a 3 against one argument that we should feed our 8 month old honey because I didn't know what I was talking about...hmmm if I'm right and we feed the baby honey then she could DIE. If they are right then it becomes an argument about as meaning as what color we should paint the baby's room! They were constantly pitting DH against me because they knew they could (I admit, dh is partly to blame).
- They came to visit and refused to eat our food or sleep on the beds we provided but then insisted on storing their own stuff in our house (because we have tons of room...NOT). FIL even insisted on setting his ugly old mug on top of my fine china.
- MIL was constantly telling DH and the kids that they don't have to listen to me because I have to learn I'm not important (she of course feels she is important)
- We lived near them for a year. They invited dh over to dinner when they knew I had to work late (so I was never invited) and when he went out of town for work, they never once called to see if I was ok.
- When we found out I couldn't have gluten, they acted offended when dh told them that I wanted to bring my own food and then served everyone lasagne. I was told that my meal would be green beans. Um that's not a meal. I would help in their kitchen and prevent this but I've never seen a more complicated kitchen in my life. I can't even identify where trash goes in it and they are less than nice about showing me.
- They came after my first two children were born without my permission and I had to tell my own mother (who actually helps when she's here) that she couldn't come. It was really to my mother and it really wrecked our relationship for a while.
- They made it clear that when they were around, my input one what the kids can and can not do, don't count. I am however expected to change every single diaper.
- When I'm not criticized, I'm completely ostracized by them.
- I have made many, many efforts to get to know them. I invited MIL out to lunch with dd and I. She asked if dh was coming and when I said "no", she said "I think I'll just stay at home." No effort has been made on their part to even include me in the conversation.
In a nutshell? The problem is that FIL is extremely emotionally abusive to MIL. He tells everyone he parks the car way out in the parking to "force her to walk" because she is "lazy." He forced her to quit her job when their second child was born even though she didn't want to (MIL tried to talk dh into forcing me to quit mine). He took her access to their bank accounts away so she has to have him with her if she is going to buy anything. Overall, he's very controlling. He gave dh advice that lad him to believe he should this same type of crap with me. MIL thinks my life should be just as miserable as hers so even though she's clearly depressed and oppressed, she was telling dh that he should do the same things to me that FIL did to her and acts like a jealous brat that I have a job, drivers license, get to make financial decisions, etc. And then there's the fact that I have daughters and all she got were sons. So she thought she should get to dictate how they were raised.
After I had to confront them myself (10 years of putting up with the above), they forwarded my e-mail to dh and told him to get control of me. After several e-mails, dh started to see them for who they were and We have not had contact with them in months. It's a miracle, dh is suddenly listening to my input on some important stuff. Suddenly he seems to understand that I am not just a glorified child birthing machine and I've suddenly turned into a human being to him. I'm still a little confused on how cutting off the in laws seems to have solved many of our many marital issues but it has.
Viola, thanks for validating my feelings. They've cause a lot of anxiety in my life and unfortunately even after cutting them off there are a lot of scars for me personally as well as in my marriage. Btw, during the confrontation over e-mail, FIL said he was printing all of my e-mails to show my children later in life that he didn't visit them because I didn't want him too (I don't!). I don't think he's ever going to see my kids again though. I just don't see it happening at this point.
We have always had an on and off relationship with them. His one sister was pregnant the same time I was. She lived at home with the baby for 3 years and my MIL raised him. Everything was always about her baby and never about mine. She was given everything for free and we struggled tremendously and no help was offered to us. Pointing all this out to them made matters worse. They deny all of it. They don't seem to believe reality and make up stories and tell lies. We though things would improve after the sister and baby moved away but that never happened. My Dh's parents live 10 minutes away yet never came to see their grandkids except for holidays or birthdays and they can't wait to leave. They know my husband works 6 days a week/80 hours but never though I could use some help. When my MIL told me she was taking a week off of work and driving 3 hours (one way) to go pick up her other grandson and bringing him to stay at her house and I should bring my kids over so he would have someone to play with I flipped! I asked why she doesn't care about my kids or help me ever. Her response was I complain too much and she did what I do with her hands tired behind her back. Yep! Yet her last child was born 7 years later then the second. My three were all 5 years old and younger. Her husband never worked half as much as mine. Her mother watched her kids constantly. She put them in day care and public school. Two things I never did. Yet how dare I complain! I guess it was wrong of me to think a grandmother would like to come and spend time with her grandkids so I could mow the lawn so my husband wouldn't have to on his only day off. That makes me a bad person!
I wiped my hands of her/them after that. Over! 10 years of trying, hoping to have a close supportive family with them I finally realized my husband was right all along. His mother is mean and nasty.
Absolutely loathed my former mother in law. She has mental issues, was a horrible mother, not only condoned her son being abusive to me but told me all the time that I didn't deserve him and that I was lucky he would put up with me. She called me names in front of my children, she made me cry so many times...just a horrible, vile woman.
Luckily my MIL now is amazing and I get along so well with her. We are very much alike and she is so laid back, non judgmental and I think she was a wonderful mother.
After almost 20 yrs of trying to have a decent relationship, of trying to understand, of feeling hurt and angry..Im done.
I dont hate her b/c I refuse to give her that much of my energy.
I do have to consistently work at not allowing myself to get angry at new incidents but its getting easier.
Hubby doesnt completely see it from my point of view but thankfully is respectful of my decision to have absolutely nothing to do with MIL or FIL.
On the rare family get together, he'll bring the kids (while I enjoy a nice hot -and silent!- bath lol) over there and does his best to nip any negative comments about me in the bud.
I sometimes struggle with some resentment that he doesnt see why I need to stop all interaction with them (do I really want him to dislike her? no..yes..no..), resentment that my kids are missing out on having a positive relationship with their own surviving grandmother, and I guess sometimes a little sad. I miss my mom terribly and wanted so much to have a mother-daughter relationship with MIL.
Tbh, theres sometimes this twisted little part of me that actually enjoys knowing how off her rocker she'll go when she hears about (fill in the blank).
Its horrible lol. Guess I oughta start working on that ;-)
This would be me. I try not to hate her, but she drives me nuts.
She calls my parents to complain about me.
She shows up hours late when we agree to see each other somewhere.
She'll take the kids somewhere and return with them hours late and refuse to answer her cell.
We'll drive an hour to go visit, and she'll not be home and not answer her cell.
She blames me for never seeing the kids.
She complains about me to her relatives at her extended family functions in front of me.
She kicked my husband out of the house at sixteen.
When MIL lived near us, and she was late a few times, I told her that she WOULD be returning my children on time or calling me if she couldn't for some reason, and that she would NOT be taking them again if she couldn't do that.
She pouted, but started returning them on time.