Oh my! I just realized that this was an older thread, that I already had responded to (quite bitterly, I might add).
Rush2ady, triple hugs! I don't know if it was my post that you were refering to, but we certainly have a lot in common. A condensed intro; just so you know where I"m coming from:
I'm texmati, and I'm 28. I'm a second gen Indian, condsider myself indian ethnically, but I was born and raised in the US. I got married 4 years a go to my college sweetheart, who really is a sweetheart, after dating him for 5 years. He immigrated from india with his family when he was 15, but due to finances and college etc did not live with them here in the us until a few months before our marriage when FIL passed away, leaving us with the responsibility of MIL.
Originally Posted by rush2ady
For the ladies whose MIL lives with them, how do you handle it?
I live with my MIL. Since I work from home, I'm pretty much stuck with her all day long. We live in a 1 BR apartment with a loft. The "den" has become her bedroom.
Some days when I'm tired or stressed out, she really gets on my nerves. Other days I just go about my business, and have limited moments of annoyance regarding her.
A lot of my problem I think stems from two women trying to control the house.
As for your questions on how to handle it.... I didn't /wasn't able to. You can search under my username for some of my past threads... things got pretty bad, I ended up in counselling, but a few months ago she moved in with her sister temporarily. I feel horrible about this, but at the same time I feel like I can breathe in our house again.
Specific advice? Figure out with BIL/SIL/DH what is going to be the long term plan for your marriage. As I mentioned upthread, I'm SA, so I understand the responsiblity of taking care of your parents. At the same time, there *are* variations in how you get the task done. Both sets of my grandparents live seperately from their kids for part of the year. If the expectation is that you all will be trading off years or something-- a one-bedroom is not going to work for you.
Secondly, I think my biggest mistake was not talking to her, or finding solutions for the every day issues. All of a sudden I was living 24/7 with this woman who I couldn't even talk to. Eventually I stopped talking to her altogether, not hi, bye nothing. Even now, months after she's moved out, I am physically reupulsed by talking to her on the phone. I lost all my compassion for her, and I hated her, and to this day, I"m not really sure she understands why.
I wish I had better advice for you-- this is still something that I struggle with so much. I wish I had answers, but I've polled so many people, Indian, non indian, on mdc.... no one has a clear cut easy solution for this problem.