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Anyone truly hate their mother in law? - Page 5

post #81 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by rush2ady View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by SashaBreeze View Post

I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

Sorry, but that made me laugh, it's so outlandish!  It's astounding they would seriously be angry over that! 

 

 

These past few days I have been very meditative in my approach... clearing my head of her.  very zen.  It's been effective and I've been in a far more peaceful place, til she tried to talk to me today, and she was so completely ignoring my response and kept repeating the same thing to me that I finally snapped at her!  Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. 

And I'm adopting a couple parakeets this weekend...  Which makes me doubly happy, not only to have darling parakeets, but when I mentioned to DH I want another bird, MIL was screeching "NAAAAAAAAY!!!" before he could even respond.  mischievous.gif

 

By the way, for you Indian heritage gals thinking it will be different if you were white american, there is probably some truth to that.  Sometimes, I admit, I find it helpful.  I can often pretend not to understand MIL or her "culture" and she just assumes I'm a dumb american piece of fluff who doesn't know better.  I get away with things that would be outrageously disrespectful coming from an Indian girl!!

She gossips about and torments my Indian SIL far more than she does me.  With me, she seems to still be very unsure of her footing... which suits me fine. 

 

 

A&A did she send you one??  she seems like a beam in the eye type person...

 

 

 

 

 



yes, we did get a card from her.  But we didn't send cards to anyone. 

post #82 of 192

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.



Whoa! I thought my MIL was bad (and my MIL is pretty evil). She killed your cat?! Tried to set your DH up with other women....and he went along? 

 

Can you get an order of protection? Move far, far away? 

 

hug2.gif 

post #83 of 192
Signing in. Perhaps I'll get over it but I am really despising my MIL at the moment.

She used to love me and I had no trouble tolerating her but since the birth of my son she's been a disappointment at best and a nasty piece of work at worst.

Despite seeing my DP almost every day of the week, I can count the number of times she's seen DS (2) on one hand and each time, we have taken him to her except this Christmas, where she announced that we would be hosting their family Christmas. We were already hosting my small family and not keen to add another 20 ppl to the equation but didn't have the strength to argue so decided to combine the 2 families.

On Christmas day, she didn't once acknowledge my family. She didn't speak to me and I'm pretty certain she didn't even look at DS. Instead, she and her sisters spent the day plying gifts on my pregnant SIL and never shutting up about her grandchild. She gave our DS a $2.50 book from the specials table at the post office. When we sat down to eat, she encouraged her entire family to sit with her (we had 2 tables set up - it was the only way to accommodate 26 adults) at the smaller of the two tables and when I said that I'd hoped we wouldn't end up with 2 separated families (at one table each) she looked up, saw all the spare chairs around the table my family were at and came and took them all to her table. We were asked several times on the day about our son's expulsion from childcare????? This was news to us and apparently is an embelished story about him hitting a child (once) at playgroup. Apparently she tells all kinds of stories about how naughty DS is. (Which he truly isn't and I hope that people could see how delightful he is on xmas day. His behaviour certainly wasn't that of an out-of-control terror) I could go on and on about Christmas day but I won't. Although I will say that she hasn't yet thanked us for the effort and expense we went to for her family!

I've been fuming about this and been begging DP to talk to her about it - particularly the treatment of our son and finally had a complete screaming meltdown the other morning. DP finally understood where I was coming from and agreed to talk to her mum. And then, my SIL (DP's sister) went and a 4pound baby, early. The baby is fine and so is SIL but now all the attention is rightly on them and it's going to be months before it's appropriate to bring all this stuff up without seeming petty and jealous. And meanwhile, MIL is besotted with her granddaughter (she wanted a girl) and can't even see how hurtful or unequal she is being.

Grrrr. Thanks for letting me get all of this out.

Oh, and for the record - I get that it's different and special when your own daughter gives birth to a baby but you do not treat the grandchildren differently.
post #84 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.


Shocking!! Just... just... shocking!!

 

You win.  (not that anyone is making this a competition... just saying)

 

I am so sorry for the pain she has caused you, especially in regards to the loss of your son.  Truly evil.

post #85 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by rush2ady View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by SashaBreeze View Post

I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

Sorry, but that made me laugh, it's so outlandish!  It's astounding they would seriously be angry over that! 

 

  

 

 



Oh my MIL is all about the outlandish, trust me. : (

I think it makes it even harder when religion/culture becomes an issue with our in laws.  I am of a different religious background than DH so when I first started dating him her favorite thing to say was that I was a demon sent by satan to take her son away.irked.gif  She is a strange and complex (not in a good way) woman.  But still I would take her over my FIL any day.  He is her times a thousand and tries to physically intimidate me and then gets all whiny when dh and I call him out on acting like a thug... its complicated and I dont think we are going to allow it around for very much longer.  It has that "feeling" like everything with them is going to blow up soon its got that boiling point feeling to it.  I just hope and pray that when it goes down it will be in a situation were the kids are nowhere near. 

post #86 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmbutts View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.


Shocking!! Just... just... shocking!!

 

You win.  (not that anyone is making this a competition... just saying)

 

I am so sorry for the pain she has caused you, especially in regards to the loss of your son.  Truly evil.


I'm sorry for your loss, too, and the pain she has caused you.  Can you move FAR away?

post #87 of 192

Lisa, I have to agree with everyone move away if at all possible and get your dh on board with you asap.  She sounds dangerous.  So sorry about your poor kitty, that was an evil act.hug.gif

post #88 of 192


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.


oh dear. hug2.gif

I do hope you are keeping records of these incidents, like the false theft charges, not to be unforgiving and hateful in keeping track, but for your own safety.  I would get a restraining order on her if you feel threatened.  The tendency of many people is to let things slide because of the relation... and give far more leeway than you would ever give if it was a stranger doing this to you. 

 

Texmati, I understand, well at least so far as possible :)  I can see how it would almost force you into a certain role. 

 

 


Edited by rush2ady - 5/2/11 at 2:47pm
post #89 of 192

Tell me about it! I stopped cooking for MIL the minute she started insulting my cooking at the table. I nearly took that bowl straight out of her hands. After that point I haven't eat anything she makes and I won't stand around and beg her to eat my food either. I can't stand the whole DIL knows her place attitude. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I really wish that I had booted her out before we had my son. She literally ruined my entire 'just a couple' life with DH when we were supposed to be getting to know each other and set up house. I'll never forgive her for that.

post #90 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post

This is the situation with my DH and his parents too.  They think and verbalize that they are responsible for EVERY good thing that has happened in his life.  His two advanced degrees?  Well, thank god they were around (... or 100 miles away).  His very existence in the US?  All due to my MIL's sacrifice in leaving her home country and her friends and her job and moving to this country.  Nothing is ever good enough to repay the debts.

 

What helped my DH was to read Toxic Parents.  It really highlighted that particular manipulation tactic ("You owe me because ...") and helped him come to a place where he could be grateful for their help without being indebted to them.



Mil is like this too.  Dh worked something like 80 hours a week during the summers and off semesters to save $ to put himself through school in his early 20's.  At that time he was still living @ home and mil charged him more than she paid in rent for her apt - for his rent/food.  Still she likes to tell everyone who will listen that she was so happy to be able to make the sacrifices of 80 hour work weeks herself to make sure that dh didn't have to work while he went to school.  She neglects to mention that he paid for everything from his savings.  She will also tell everyone she put him through medic school - during the first few years of our marriage. BUT I distinctly remember working MY butt off, eating lots of ramen noodles, driving dh all over for his school/vehiculars because we only had one vehicle @ the time and doing laundry every Friday after work at my mom's to save $.  If anything, my mom would slip me $20 to help pay for gas or let me 'shop' at her house for groceries once in a while.  But it was allllll mil, right? 

 

Mil likes to rub it in my face that we don't have any living kiddos.  She decided that dh couldn't father any kids until he turned 25, because she was too young to be a grandma until then.  But as soon as he turned 25, right around the 1 year anniversary of our first mc - she started buying toys and books and even a new car 'for my grandbabies' - talk about a slap in a grieving mother's face.  Ten years later, she still doesn't have any and she is a jerk about it.  For the most part I have learned to walk away when she's on a tirade or talking about how she's such a great influence on the latest toddler in her apartment complex.  She did invite us to her house this weekend to spend time w/ dh's cousin and his new wife/baby whom we haven't met yet and we'd love to see them, but the pressure/heart ache/annoyance of having to put up with mil's attitude and squeeze up to 6 adults into her tiny 2 bedroom apartment (not to mention that I tend to get staph infections after visiting her apartment since she's colonized) was just more than dh and I could bare today.  So, we opted to stay home and I baked bread instead.  Much better use of time.  Grateful for a dh who after nearly 10 years of marriage 'gets' it alot of the time. 

 

post #91 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post

Mil likes to rub it in my face that we don't have any living kiddos.



So sorry.  hug.gif

post #92 of 192

My MIL, who has been a narcissistic drain on my marriage for 15 years, is moving out of state in just over a month!!  Woo-hoo!

 

(Knocking on wood so I don't jinx myself.)

 

post #93 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

My MIL, who has been a narcissistic drain on my marriage for 15 years, is moving out of state in just over a month!!  Woo-hoo!

 

(Knocking on wood so I don't jinx myself.)

 



Cautiously dancing a jig for you and fingersx.gif

post #94 of 192


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

My MIL, who has been a narcissistic drain on my marriage for 15 years, is moving out of state in just over a month!!  Woo-hoo!

 

(Knocking on wood so I don't jinx myself.)

 



Cautiously dancing a jig for you and fingersx.gif


Thanks!!

post #95 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

My MIL, who has been a narcissistic drain on my marriage for 15 years, is moving out of state in just over a month!!  Woo-hoo!

 

(Knocking on wood so I don't jinx myself.)

 

 

orngbiggrin.gif  that's great!  I'm sure it will be a welcome time for you!

post #96 of 192

Well, she's packing, which is a good sign.  But her hubris continues............I came home from work the other day to find a large Rubbermaid container dh had brought home from her house.  On the top of it, she had labeled in large letters, "Heirloom Christmas ornaments from Grandma, 2010."  So I opened it up, expecting to find really old, priceless ornaments that would be worth the word "heirloom," and it was just a bunch of crap ornaments she had purchased recently from Hallmark.  I swear, it's like she just wants to leave her "pee marks" all over my house before she leaves.

post #97 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post


Well, she's packing, which is a good sign.  But her hubris continues............I came home from work the other day to find a large Rubbermaid container dh had brought home from her house.  On the top of it, she had labeled in large letters, "Heirloom Christmas ornaments from Grandma, 2010."  So I opened it up, expecting to find really old, priceless ornaments that would be worth the word "heirloom," and it was just a bunch of crap ornaments she had purchased recently from Hallmark.  I swear, it's like she just wants to leave her "pee marks" all over my house before she leaves.




 

Calling it an heirloom doesn't make it so. Many charities LOVE to receive donated Christmas ornaments, especially church-funded women's and children's shelters and food banks. They can put the ornaments on their tree every year or give them out with other items.

wink1.gif
post #98 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post





 

Calling it an heirloom doesn't make it so. Many charities LOVE to receive donated Christmas ornaments, especially church-funded women's and children's shelters and food banks. They can put the ornaments on their tree every year or donate them with other things.wink1.gif

 

 

I had them halfway out the door, but then ds (8) threw a fit about wanting to keep at least some of them.  I'll let him choose a few, then the rest ARE getting donated!  But yeah, I just love the "heirloom" label, which was an attempt at trying to make me keep them.  (She knows I don't like clutter.) 
 

post #99 of 192
Normally an heirloom is something that's been passed down through generations either because it has real monetary value or at least historic sentimental value. That she thinks she can decide for your family what you will find valuable enough to pass down is pretty hilarious, in a dark sort of way. She bought a bunch of cheap made-in-China plastic junk and probably has high dreams of you gingerly handing it, encased in a velvet box, to your tearful great-grandchildren as you lay dying. LOL
post #100 of 192


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post

That she thinks she can decide for your family what you will find valuable enough to pass down is pretty hilarious, in a dark sort of way. She bought a bunch of cheap made-in-China plastic junk and probably has high dreams of you gingerly handing it, encased in a velvet box, to your tearful great-grandchildren as you lay dying. LOL

funny !


Edited by rush2ady - 5/2/11 at 2:48pm
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