NOT to talk with 10yo about menstruation, breast feeding... - Page 3

[Oubliette8]

I think that is the issue- for some people, menstruation and breastfeeding are as private as their sex lives. Just as your kid can know what is necessary about sex without knowing your favorite position, or that your partner sometimes has sexual dysfunction, or that occasionally you have painful intercourse. A child can know ABOUT those potential issues without knowing intimate details of your personal life, KWIM? And I do occasionally discuss sex with my friends in ways I would not in front of my child. If my kids were over, and I really needed to talk about an issue, but I thought we could do it out of their earshot I might. And yeah, I'd get sort of irritated if I kept a low tone to keep the convo private and my friend raised the volume so the kids could hear. On the same note, if I knew a friend did not discuss certain issues in front of their kids, I'd make an effort to keep the convo private even if I thought kids were fine with it

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by eclipse

That's just weird.

Uh yeah I am sorry but I agree.. that's so weird!

[Fuamami]

I think Arduinna made a good point here. Maybe the other mom just felt the OP was going too far. I, personally, wouldn't hush a friend if she was saying something I felt was inappropriate, but this mom did.

OP, I don't think I would bother to call her out on it, but if she brings up a "touchy" subject again, in whispers, I might politely change the subject. If she asks why, you can tell her you have perceived that she has a different comfort level than you do, and you don't want to violate that.

[ColwynsMommy]

It could be that the mom has given the daughter plenty of basic info, but the daughter has gotten weirded out when the mom offered her personal experience. For me and my mom, it's been one thing to have discussions about breastfeeding/periods/sex/whatever in general, or for me to tell her about my experiences, but I really don't want to know some things about my mom's personal life (breastfeeding definitely wouldn't bother me, periods might, depending.. but we have talked about her starting menopause). So, the daughter may have requested that the mom not share her personal experiences with her.

Or it could be that the mom doesn't want to scare her. I remember when I was about 10, a few friends and I were playing Truth or Dare with my mom and my aunts. My aunt got asked the question of when she'd lost her virginity, and gave way too many details, including (and I still remember her exact phrasing) "and I woke up *covered* in blood!" I was horrified and really scared about having sex until I was old enough to read/hear other less scary accounts. My kids are still little, but they know most of the basics, including how babies are made, but I wouldn't talk to them about possible problems until they were at that point in their lives. We've kept all discussions positive and healthy.

I'd ask in private, either through email or on the phone, what specifically is okay or not okay to talk about, and what her reasons are. You can keep it polite and friendly, and just pose it as, "I want to make sure I don't slip up and talk about something you guys aren't comfortable with.." - then if it's for one of the above reasons or something similarly understandable, you can let it be. If you find out that she's not giving her daughter any information, you can gently encourage her to at least share the basics.

[magentamomma]

Even the problems surrounding these issues can and should be discussed openly. I can think of so many times where as an adult I was convinced I was alone feeling the way I did about parenting or BFing or menstruation etc because women don't talk about things openly. I was SHOCKED to experience afterpains after my 3rd child. I was knocked flat by the grief I felt when I had my daughter after my oldest. I was so worried I wouldn't be enough for them, orr that I was robbing my oldest of their babyhood. I was embarrassed the first time I experienced incontinence, an scared with irregular peiods. Knowledge is power. I don't scare my 3 girls, but I am as honest and direct as their questions deserve.