Third year same bully

[tri31]

I was wondering what some of you have done about bullies. Since my son switched schools the same kid has been harrassing him (off and on, not all the time). This year it is him(the aggresser), and a few friends. So I called the school to bring the situation to their attention. My son is not the only kid being targeted, and does not want things to escalate. Ds is a big boy, but he is a rule follower, and all around nice guy. He could hold his own, it is just not his nature. Do any of you have advice?

[kathymuggle]

Talk to your son on what you both need to do to make it end.

Document, document, document. Stress to the school that they have a responsibility to keep your kid emotionally and physically safe. If the school is not effective or downplays the issue, that is where documentation comes in handy.

Does he have an outside activity that he loves - in a respectful enviornment? School should not be the whole world for any child, but particularly those who are bullied.

FWIW, I am not opposed to homeschooling or switching school if the bullying does not stop. I do not put up with toxic environments, and I do not expect my kids to. You may not be there, yet, I don't know....You did not go into too much detail in the OP. What have you tried? What are some examples of the bullying?

[gingsengmom]

My ds had a problem when he was around 6 years old. He had problems with a girl in his class. I've always raised him to be a gentlemen, so this was a conflict for him. I taught him never to touch anyone in a violent manner--no hitting, grabbing, etc. Yet, I also told him no one has the right to do that to you. Your body is your temple and must be protected. I gave him permission to hit back any one who first transgressed upon him. He didn't have a problem with the boys, but could not seem to bring himself to hit back against the bully female in his class.

One day he comes home with a black eye. I wanted to pass out. But, he was smiling and said, "mom, i only have one black eye, she has two". I'll never forget it. Then I had to go to school to deal with the girl's parents who were so-o-o very angry their darling sweetheart had been beaten up. Nevermind the fact that she was THE major terror. I also had to deal with the school--the teacher told my ds he should have come to her. Most of the times when these things happen, there is no adult present. I told her he had my permission to to always defend himself.

Cowards tend to run in a group. Have you advised your son to fight back? Until he does, they will continue to pick on him. Has the school contacted the parents of the bullies? Seems the school always know about it, but wait until something serious happens before they take action. Is your ds picked on outside/inside school? If there's a specific time/place this happens, you can alert the school. What about your ds's friends? Can they group together? This is never an easy situation and more and more you see these kids who have no positive family structure. I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.

[sapphire_chan]

There's a thread over in Learning at School about a kid who had been bullied for months, the bully tried to PUNCH him, he side stepped and deflected the bully, and BOTH of them got written up and put in suspension for being involved in a fight. He and the bully went to mediation where the school counselor told him he should've told a teacher "I did" "well, you should have kept trying"

Go into the school and read them riot act. Write them letters about the bullying and send them with confirmation required. Email the school and CC the school board. Make it absolutely clear that if anyone gets hurt, it is their fault. Make them show you their policy on bullying and explain to you how they are following it (or failing to follow it) and why it is and is not working.

And be prepared to pull him out of that school immediately. Their choices are to make the bullying stop or to lose your son as a student and lose all the associated funding.

[mtiger]

I did the same as ginsengmom. Except my daughter was 4. She was afraid of getting into trouble, so I told her (a) to give him 3 warnings and (b) I would stand up for her if she had to hit him. She did (a), then punched him in the nose. I didn't have to do (b).

She's 16 (almost) and hasn't been bullied again.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by mtiger

I did the same as ginsengmom. Except my daughter was 4. She was afraid of getting into trouble, so I told her (a) to give him 3 warnings and (b) I would stand up for her if she had to hit him. She did (a), then punched him in the nose. I didn't have to do (b).

She's 16 (almost) and hasn't been bullied again.

Boys can't do that, especially not "big" boys.