Do some kids (toddler/preschool) not have a hard time sharing?

[acupuncturemomma]

I mean, of course it's possible! It seems, though, that most kids go through a phase where they find it a challenge to share toys, etc, right? Maybe I'm off on this one (and feeling a bit defensive )

Anyway, I have a friend whose son has never gone through a "not-willing-to-share" phase. And I have to say that I feel somehow judged by her that my child has had trouble sharing at times!

[mamazee]

My older dd, who was high needs in about every single other way, never had a problem with sharing. And she was an only until she was 7.

My little one is just 13 months and already showing signs of not wanting to share. I forsee that she'll be a clingy one, and the first one wasn't clingy at all. I parent them both the same way. It's all personality.

I think most kids have trouble with sharing, just like most kids tantrum although a few don't. I never judged about this issue as there were so many areas where I WAS judged that I could tell it was just luck in this area. I know what you mean, though. Sometimes parents think it's parental involvment that causes these innate personality traits. Often just until the second child comes along. LOL.

[KCMichigan]

I have twins and they share well 70% of the time with each other and share with other kids 80% of the time. One is much more dominant and instigates most of the 'sharing' issues.

I think if they were NOT twins, one DD would not share well and the other would-- just by nature of their personalities. Since they have always had to share (mom, toys, space, room, etc) I think it comes more immediately and with less resistance.

With the start of PreK we have actually seen more bickering since I think they 'realized' that not everyone shares quite much in day to day life!!

Try not to take it personally- I think more 'dominant' and strong personalities have a harder time sharing than more 'easy-going' and laid back personalities.

I always try to remind myself that my more resistant-to-share-twin will someday use her skills to be an assertive adult that knows what she wants!!

[lmk1]

There are a lot of adults that have trouble sharing
I've never really encouraged my ds to share because I feel that comes naturally when kids decide that they like someone else's company more than they want to hold on to some particular toy (in general). Ds (28months) has gone through times when he'd try to grab toys or never give anything to anyone else. But he seems to have reached an age where he really wants to play with other kids and gets the concept that he has to share a toy with them to hold their interest. It's not 100%, but I don't know any adults that share all their belongings 100% with everyone either
We were at a coffee house last week that has a play area and he was playing at a train table and another little boy about his age would come up and take away any train he had. It was annoying for me to watch, as I could see how ds was getting frustrated, but it was a good learning experience for him, too, as he learned that he needs to "defend" his toys, by turning away, walking away, etc...
I wouldn't worry much about it.

[LuxPerpetua]

My dd is very high needs (from birth) because of her giftedness--I say this only to mean that her brain develops at a much faster rate than her body, so she is capable of "older" skills at a much younger age. She has never had a problem sharing (she is now 4). I think this is just part of her personality and always having her needs met. I want to qualify this last statement by stating that I think AP'd kids can still have issues with sharing, but that in my dd's case having her needs met helped to circumvent this. I think, with her strong-willed personality, that if she had not been AP'd we would have sharing issues. However, this does not mean that sharing issues is a failure at AP or anything--I really think it's a combination of personality, stage of development, and parenting--which means only one of these can be controlled by environment and the others are just luck and time.

[GoBecGo]

My DD was great at sharing until she was 3.5, then suddenly she wasn't! LOL

I think sharing is an act of trust for a child. As an adult you know the full connotation of "sharing" but as a kid it's just someone basically telling you to give your toy/food/clothes/whatever to another person. THEY know it's reciprocal and "fair" but you don't know that until you've had it demonstrated numerous times. So when it comes to personalities i think the more dreamy laid back types simply don't think much about what is going on or don't happen to care very much for things, or don't care very much for confrontation. Whereas more on-the-ball types might be very annoyed at having their stuff taken from them.

I think APing DD helped only in the sense that because she is used to having her needs met i know she will speak up if something is bothering her (thus she will not share through fear of confrontation or not having back-up). That aside she seemed very unfussed about other kids touching her stuff up to a point and then suddenly has become super-possessive over everything. I think it coincided with her meeting ANOTHER bad sharer (who was big on taking and not big on returning stuff) which makes her now question the intentions of every other person. I'm confident it will pass with time.

[velochic]

I have an only that just turned 8. She never had a problem with sharing. We had kind of the opposite problem. She would share to the point of denying herself. It took a fair bit of time when she was about 3/4 yo to convince her that if she picked up something to play with and a kid immediately snatched it out of her hand, that instead of saying, "Okay, I'll find something else to play with", that she could stick up for herself. It has nothing to do with my parenting... she's been like that always. Sometimes, even now, if a friend expresses great interest in something she has, she'll mention that she'll just give it to the friend. We've avoided that with the idea that they can exchange things and then return them to each other in a week. It's just her personality, though. ETA: She is not a dreamy or very laid back kid, as the pp mentioned. She's actually very pragmatic and is, according to her teachers, always "a leader" in her classes... but she's just a generous person at heart.

What has your friend said to make your feel "judged"?

[Joyster]

Some kids do and some don't. My oldest (4) had times when he didn't want to share, but overall, he was a pretty easy going guy. He did however once bit a kid at school because he didn't want to share, something that shocked the heck out of me and his teacher, since he's normally a very loving passive guy. I had that wonderful experience of being "that mom" and apologizing to his parents. Fortunately they shrugged it off and the two guys are friends now. But I can only imagine how rotten I would have felt had they been Judgeypants. So hugs to you if your friend is being judgmental.

My youngest, (2) absolutely does not want to share, especially with his brother! The squabbles I have to put out, but it is normal and I don't feel any less the parent for it, and I hope you won't either.

[heather+mike2005]

My ds is 14 mos and has some trouble sharing. We're working on it with him, though. He goes to daycare and I know they're gently working on it with him, too. As of now, he's an only child so it's a little different at home because he has no-one who really wants to play with his toys but we do encourage him to share his toys with us. My hope is that he'll be better at sharing by the time the next bebe comes along!

[MJB]

My 7 yr. old never had a problem sharing. He was very generous even as a toddler. My 4 yr. old was a little iffy about sharing with his brother for a while but always shared with other kids.

[diaperqueen]

It depends on how you would define "sharing".

I'm an in-home daycare provider, and I've noticed that some of the parents have a different idea of sharing than I do. Imagine a parent bringing their child into the daycare, and the other children are all involved with toys/activities. The new arrival wants to play with a toy child X is already using. Suprisingly, many parents will say something like, "I'm sure X will share that with you" to their child, expecting X to hand the toy over. To me that is NOT sharing, and it seems totally unfair.

We do more taking turns. The kids here have gotten pretty good about asking, "May I use that when you are done with it?" We also have duplicates of some of the favorite toys, and large sets of things like blocks, puzzles, etc. and it's understood that everyone can use them together, and no one can have all the pieces to him/herself if others want to play.

Another thing I have taught (or in some cases, am trying to teach) the kids to do is ask if they can join in with a child who is playing with an individual toy/playset. Sometimes they say yes, sometimes no. Either is fine as long as they are kind in their answer. They are usually pretty good about saying, "I'm playing with this alone."

Sharing can definitely be a tough one, and for some, it never really gets easier.

[honey-lilac]

My 2 yo DS will share 95% of the time unless he is really attached to something and it's snatched from him - then he cries or scream "give it back". His 2 yo sister does NOT like to share at all, never has.

Sometimes DS will share but get sad about it - like he'll voluntarily, without prompting, give DD something but then lay on the floor and cry because she has it. I find that funny and sad at the same time. They say "please" and "thank you" when sharing too so that's kind of cute - they tantrum and growl but at least they mind their manners lol.

[flower01]

My DD never had an issue with sharing compared to her friends the same age. I would never judge another mother about this issue because i could see how difficult it would be to deal with. The frustrating thing for me is that my daughter would always get stuff taken away from her and since she didn't scream about it, she would be the one that was always "giving up" her turn. There were certain friends that we just couldn't spend a lot of time with because it was too frustrating.

[St. Margaret]

My DD's only issue with sharing has perhaps been expecting too much of others, like saying "I could share that with you" when she means I (mommy) will give her half my snack . She's always been great about giving others turns with her toys and finding another toy for either the kid or herself, or just speaking up when she doesn't feel like sharing her own special toy (but she will let others have turns with her doll, too). Oh, and DD will freak out about another kid coming to play with say a dollhouse, sometimes (often she's ready to play together) but that has more to do with being freaked out by rambunctious kids or boys (she's a bit shy of boys) and wanting space. But DD has always been incredibly verbal and logical and is more likely to be pushy about HOW someone else is playing than WHAT they're playing with. Like, NO hold it this way, NO you can't do it like that, NO don't blah blah blah So each kid has their own thing, and they are all totally dev. appropriate and beautiful, they'll only be this way for so long.

[Apple Girl]

My now 3.5 yo DS has never had a problem sharing. My 20 month old, on the other hand... often does! Just to show you, it's not necessarily the parenting. In our case, we encourage both kids to share, one is just more of a natural than the other.