living w/the inlaws is not healthy...

[Pixie26]

Just need to vent a little.

I think I have finally found a CNM to do my VBA2C in a hospital, for 5000. Neither she nor her covering Dr take my insurance, and people willing to take on VBA2C in NJ are few and far between. If all goes well, 5000 will cover the midwife, the backup Dr and a doula.

On the other hand, I am living in my in-law's house w/my DH. We just moved from Maine to NJ so my DH could have better job opportunities. I have 2 sons from a previous marriage, 3 and 7 and they are having a hard time w/ the move, being away from family, etc.

My in-laws eat different types of food than we do- all normal, nothing out there, but my kids like what they like, and i know their tastes, etc. So in general, on some nights at the dinner table there is DRAMA. I try to head it off at the pass by making dinner, offering choices, etc- but that doesn't always work. Tonight was one of those nights. Suffice it to say MIL basically told me I needed to check out supernanny.com; also, she said to my 7 year old son that the house rules were if you didnt eat what you were served, no dessert, and no whining at the table. My FIL also told my 7 year old he was lazy. Any MIL also said to me, jokingly, that i should have told her that my sons needed someone to wait on them hand and foot before we moved in.

So I took my kids to their room, gave them baths, dealt w/ the oldest's meltdown and temper tantrums, and put them to bed. (My DH is at work late tonight so he is not a part of this story)

I feel like I need to just suck it up, and not go for the VBA2C. Like I should have the C/S, because the CS wont cost much money because our insurance will cover most of it. For my mental health and the boys, I feel like we need to really get out of here. And we have 5000 saved, and its either going for a VBA2C or towards a down payment on a home or rent for an apt...

But, I also really want my VBA2C.

But, I feel like it would be selfish to spend our hard earned and hard saved $ on a VBA2C when we could put it toward a down payment and find a new home.

I'm sad because this situation just stinks. I hate having to choose. Should I be a big girl, and put on my big girl undies and do whats best for my family?
Or follow my heart and my dreams and try for a VBA2C?

sigh.

[ginadc]

Pixie, even if the CNM/doc don't take your insurance, can you submit their bills to the insurance company for reimbursement? My doc in NYC (Gae Rodke, the guru of vaginal breech delivery 'round these parts) doesn't take any insurance, but we submitted her bills to our carrier and got reimbursed 70%. If you could do that, you'd at least get around $3500 back--not everything, but maybe enough to help move out faster and still get your VBA2C.

[womenswisdom]

I don't really know how to say this any differently, so please take this in the gentlest manner possible. The way I am hearing this is that you are considering having major surgery that will put you and your baby at increased risk (at least I assume that's what you believe since you want a vba2c) in order to be able to save money. I'm sure what's going on with your living situation is not good - it sounds awful - but what is going to happen after surgery when you are recovering for weeks and are not able to even do what you are doing now? I think you are doing what is best for your family by having the vba2c, and I think you know that the risks to you and your new baby are less if you do so as well. The money will work itself out eventually, but will you be able to live with your decision if you choose a rcs?

[Pixie26]

These are good points to think about. I hadn't considered the recovery period post cs vs vbac. Days out of commission would be no good. And for the record, I do believe a vbac would be safer and healthier for me and the babe. Im not giving up on vbac, I am going to see about submitting the bills to the insurance folks to see what they say, to see if they will cover any of it.

This is so hard- I feel like Im powerless in a way- to the insurance people, the Inlaws, etc. I need to regain my power in this situation and then maybe I can look at the situation with fresh eyes. To start, the kids and I are going to be making our own dinners and eating seperatley; the oldest and I are going to do the cooking for a while...

[SashaBear]

I think you need to look into your insurance some more. For instance do they want to pay for a vaginal or a csection? Have you looked into Medicaid? I also don't think that one CNM is your only option. Keep faith and keep researching your options!

[Pixie26]

I am definitley still inresearch mode. I have applied for Medicaid, thats the only insurance I will have. I applied and I am still waiting to find out if we qualify and the waiting is no fun. So, assuming I get medicaid, I know that you then choose a company under the medicaid umbrella, and I have one picked out that will cover the hospitals I choose to birth at, no matter where I go. I will be asking if they will cover bills that I submit to them myself.

As far as drs/midwives etc go, because I am a VBA2C I am not finding many people who can take me on. SO far, I have 2 options. One I met with earlier in the week. She was all set to work w/ me, then got a negative txt from her covering dr and was going to have to talk to him and get back to me w/a final decision. That was Tuesday. She was willing to do the whole shebang for 5000- that would cover her, a doula and the Drs fees if any.

The woman I really want to use will cost 1500, but not including her backup dr.

I have 5000 in the bank. Thats it.

I prefer a vbac; however, i do have the lingering worry that I really do have cpd like the surgeon who did my 1st cs said. The fact they couldnt get babe #2 out during the 2nd cs, and had to vacuum him out worries me too.

on the other hand, this 3rd baby has a different daddy (ive remarried) and will assumably grow differently.

and lastly, to really top off all the worry, after my 2nd cs, I went into congestive heart failure. they pump you full of saline/water for your cs, right? well, after #2 I retained it and went home, and had a hard time taking deep breaths. And I could hear gurgling when I did so. So, to the ER I went, and spent 2 nights in the hospital with my newborn (and forever bff who came to help me bc my dh at the time was a useless *^$#^...) while they fed me diuretics and I peed every 20 mins.

so. there you go. in the mean time, im gathering all my medical records. I am going to make an appt and possibly pay out of pocket for an initial visit with a vbac friendly, natural birth promoting dr so she can look at my records and talk with me about my options.